Tag Archives: economy

  tales from the fainting couch

Conservative Newspaper Editor Fired For Rude Headline About Putting Something In President’s Butt

If someone told you to go “shove it,” you’d think that was pretty cute, right? Maybe you’d come back with a quick “up your nose with a rubber hose” and, tension defused, you’d ask if they got to second base with Mary Sue and how about going to the malt shop and do they really like Ike? This is how we know you are not the Chattanooga Times Free Press, possibly the longest-named newspaper in Tennessee. The Chattanooga Times Free Press thinks that kind of talk is disgusting, and if you use such language in their pages, you’ll be out on your posterior! Sadly not sadly, Drew Johnson, the generically named former editor of that paper’s editorial page, found this out the hard way when he chose the headline “Take your jobs plan and shove it, Mr. President” for a confused and factually challenged wordpoop marking the occasion of Obama’s visit to Chattanooga. But leave it to the lame stream media to miss the REAL STORY here. Read more on Conservative Newspaper Editor Fired For Rude Headline About Putting Something In President’s Butt…
  it's the economy and cetera

Barry Obama Will Now Grow The Economy With This One Weird Trick

In just a few minutes, or maybe it already happened, Barack Hussein Obama will make the most importantest economic speech since his last importantest economic speech. It is to take place at Knox College in Galesburg, IL, where he made an economic speech (this guy with the economic speeches!) in the year 3 B.O. (2005). Here are the only things you need to know about this 2013 Talking Event: 1. First, in keeping with Galesburg customs, Barry will perform a rendition of Ike and Tina Turner’s “Nutbush City Limits,” replacing the word “Nutbush” with “Galesburg,” because you always open with your local material. Read more on Barry Obama Will Now Grow The Economy With This One Weird Trick…
  austerity is for little people

Reinhart-Rogoff, Austerity Superduo, Even More Full Of B.S. Than Previously Thought

 Just in case you are unfamiliar with Reinhart-Rogoff: they are a pair of economists who published a very famous paper purporting to show that high public debt to GDP ratio leads to negative economic growth. This paper was waved around by people like Paul Ryan, who used it to argue that cutting Social Security and Medicaid and unemployment were important tools for staving off recession because of the magical thing that happens to economies when the GDP to debt ratio hits 90%. Will you be shocked to learn that Reinhart-Rogoff’s famous paper was wrong? As a graduate student from UMass demonstrated, Reinhart and Rogoff not only based their conclusions off cherry-picked data, they made a serious error in the Excel spreadsheet they were working with. (Math is really hard, you guys.) But wait! There’s more! Not only were Reinhart-Rogoff working with a cherry-picked data set and a thoroughly screwed up spreadsheet, they fell victim to one of the most classic blunders and got the causal relationship backwards: slow growth causes higher debt, not the other way around. D’OH, and cetera. Read more on Reinhart-Rogoff, Austerity Superduo, Even More Full Of B.S. Than Previously Thought…
  Stupid Like A Fox

Sorbonne-Trained Economist Very Upset That Tesla Hasn’t Crashed Yet

Veronique de Rugy is a Doctrix of The Economy, says the Sorbonne, which is weird because the impression yr Wonkette gets from reading her column is that she learned everything she knows about economics from a cardboard cutout of Ron Paul’s left nut. Witness her latest on the ever-comical National Review Online’s The Corner, in which she argues that Tesla is great and all, but the really important thing is that Tesla is terrible. Or rather, to be fair, the idea of Tesla is terrible. It’s the old joke: It works in practice, but does it work in theory? Actually, to be really fair (because this stuff is important) she argues that “the government shouldn’t be in the business of lending money to private companies” because “most of the money goes to companies that could have gotten capital on their own,” and some stuff about “distortions” which are awesome when a guitar is doing them, but bad for the economy. Yr Wonkette learned everything we know about economics from the internet, but we feel pretty confident that we can eviscerate these are-you-even-trying crusts of hoary free-market dogma quite convincingly! Read more on Sorbonne-Trained Economist Very Upset That Tesla Hasn’t Crashed Yet…
  take a chicken to the doctor

Time Magazine Helpfully Explains Why A Quick Visit To The ER Costs As Much As A Semester At Harvard

Your Wonkette had to go to the hospital about a year ago for a two hour long procedure. We had a good friend come pick us up, and as we left, she indicated a desire to take the brown paper bag of basic first aid supplies that the doctor had left for us to bring home for after care. DO NOT TAKE THE BROWN PAPER BAG, we yelled. DO NOT TAKE IT! But our friend was worried, so she took the brown paper bag anyway, and we were charged $20 for a bunch of gauze and a couple Tylenol. Whatever, this was small potatoes, since the entire bill was over $2500 for this two hour procedure, and it was tough to get particularly excited over $20, but still, it was the principle of the thing! And in the grand scheme of it all, we got off easy! $2500 for a two hour procedure? And we got to pay for it a month or two later, after it was all over? Pfft, we had hit the jackpot! Here, let Time magazine tell you about all the ways you could suffer at the hands of our corrupt health care system: Read more on Time Magazine Helpfully Explains Why A Quick Visit To The ER Costs As Much As A Semester At Harvard…
  employment is an inside job

Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11

Good news! The new Bureau of Labor Statistics unemployment report came out, and more Americans are working, the unemployment rate dropped to 7.8%, and jobs numbers were revised upwards in July and August. Of course, Barry Obama had a bad debate on Wednesday, so how could the economy mysteriously be recovering two days after Obama lost the entire election, friends? It’s a CONSPIRACY. At least, that’s what a bunch of Republicans are saying. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you … BLS Troofers, because of course they are. Unbelievable jobs numbers..these Chicago guys will do anything..can’t debate so change numbers — Jack Welch (@jack_welch) October 5, 2012 Yes. They went in and tinkered a decades-old system to get a possible bump out of a positive jobs report. This is eminently logical. Also, they changed the buttons on Jack Welch’s clicker, because he simply cannot get the channel changed from this gonzo teen porn to the Hallmark Channel. Hahahaha, we kid, Jack Welch is not a pervert, just an insane demagogue. Read more on Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11…
  quiet rooms

Ben Bernanke’s Hip-Hop Barbecue Will Probably Not Create Jobs

How exciting, soon we will be in the midst of a third round of quantitative easing! Does this mean we should break out the Korbel and celebrate? No, it probably does not, because like most of our economic policies, it will mostly benefit Incorporated Americans and people with lots of investments and will punish Poors (i.e. most of America) and possibly cause some social unrest. Here let us Explainer you! Read more on Ben Bernanke’s Hip-Hop Barbecue Will Probably Not Create Jobs…
  banksters

Wells Fargo Even Sorrier After Second Time It Foreclosed on Wrong House

Remember that nice couple we told you about last week — the Tjosaas family, whose home in Twenty-Nine Palms was “accidentally” foreclosed upon by Wells Fargo even though the couple didn’t even have a mortgage? Turns out: this was the SECOND TIME that Wells Fargo had “accidentally” foreclosed on that house by mistake, but it’s cool because Wells Fargo remains “deeply sorry” about both “unfortunate situations.” The good news is that the Tjosaas family can now “accidentally” rob a Wells Fargo bank of their choice (twice) and issue a statement that they are “deeply sorry about this unfortunate situation” and then all will be forgiven. Ha! Ha! Ha! This, of course, is not true — Incorporated Americans are somehow not people when they are committing crimes, but non-Incorporated Americans are always people. Read more on Wells Fargo Even Sorrier After Second Time It Foreclosed on Wrong House…
  supply and demand

New York Times Infotainer: Taking Away Unemployment Insurance Will Make You Look All the More Harder For Those Jobs That Don’t Exist

Oh look, the Paper of Record has employed another typist to explain about bootstraps and whatnot, and give us the cold hard truth about why we are all losers who do not have jobs. Is it because of structural unemployment, or maybe something to do with robots? Ha! Ha! Ha! Of course not, says New York Time Infotainer Casey B. Mulligan, it is because of all of you Poors who collect unemployment, which somehow prevents jobs from materializing out of thin air and offering themselves to you at low wages that would increase or maintain employer profits. DUH. See, this is why we do not type at you from the New York Times’ “Economix” section: it requires the ability to defend trickle-down economics over and over again in spite of overwhelming evidence that it does not work. But we digress! Now we will discuss this horrible supply-sider who writes about trickle-down fairy dust for that liberal rag, the New York Times. Read more on New York Times Infotainer: Taking Away Unemployment Insurance Will Make You Look All the More Harder For Those Jobs That Don’t Exist…
  friday happy post

Forbes Helpfully Explains Why ‘Careers’ Are for Olds

Do you have a career? Because if so, you are probably an Old or a Rich, given that they are not just letting people have careers anymore. See, careers are now for the idle wealthy, and the rest of us people can look forward to a life of hustling from one freelance gig to another, scraping together enough cash to live paycheck to paycheck and maybe even avoid crushing poverty if we’re lucky enough to never get sick or injured or require a sustained amount of medical attention. Doesn’t that sound nice? Here, we will talk about our future as temp workers, using this cheery Forbes article called “Careers are Dead. Welcome to Your Low-Wage Temp-Work Future” as a framework to guide our discussion. Read more on Forbes Helpfully Explains Why ‘Careers’ Are for Olds…
  Thank You Sirs May We Have Another

Study: CEOs and Incorporated Americans Sure Benefiting From Tax Code They Wrote

Look, you guys, the Romneys WANT to release more tax returns to you people, but if they do, guess what will happen? We can tell you EXACTLY what will happen: a think tank — maybe even a progressive one — will look at the tax returns and then they’ll be all “blah blah, the Romneys paid a lower tax rate than people who make around $40,000 per year” or “blah blah, here is what is up with ‘Mitt’s Magical IRA’” etc etc, and this would be unacceptable, because it is Mitt’s Time. We know this because a “liberal-leaning think tank” released a study claiming that 26 big Incorporated Americans didn’t pay federal taxes and (maybe) used the money to pay CEOs and then sent the rest of the massive sums of money on lavish vacations to the Cayman Islands. See? Transparency just gave them all kinds of ammunition, and we wouldn’t want that, would we? No. We wouldn’t. Read more on Study: CEOs and Incorporated Americans Sure Benefiting From Tax Code They Wrote…
  the party of ideas

What ‘Dramatic’ Something Will Mitt Romney Use To Save The Economy? Tax? Cuts?

Mitt Romney will fix the economy. Okay. How. Well, now, let’s just hold on a minute and take things one step at a time. The first step is to say that he “can absolutely make the case that now is the time for something dramatic.” Once he has furthered the case that he can absolutely make the case for something, then we’ll move on to step two: he will make the case that he can make the case that he will make the case for something. Now hold your horses, this won’t happen overnight. When it does happen, he will make the case that a case will be made for something. And then the case will be made for more tax cuts, which will spur further pushes for tax cuts and the profits for the small business jobs and such and money. Read more on What ‘Dramatic’ Something Will Mitt Romney Use To Save The Economy? Tax? Cuts?…
  in this alternate economy superman is evil

Wall Street Journal Has New Theory About Alternate Economies, Universes, That Is Not Stupid at All

It is very confusing to keep up with conservative economic talking points philosophy, because one minute they’re all “deficits don’t matter!” and then a couple years later they turn around and decide that deficits will ruin the U.S. economy, unless the deficit came from tax cuts for the wealthy job creators, in which case they actually don’t matter anymore and might even be GOOD for the economy maybe! And even though conservatives used to yammer on about competition and the free market, Daniel Henninger at the Wall Street Journal has broken it to us that competition is bad too! But only if it’s between the “public economy” and the “private economy,” which we are pretty sure is a completely made up distinction that means absolutely nothing. Anyway, the  history of the “public economy” has something to do with Medicare, JFK, and the Voting Rights Act, and if Barack Obama wins in 2012 then the public economy will win and THEN the U.S. will no longer be the Greatest Country on Earth. Read more on Wall Street Journal Has New Theory About Alternate Economies, Universes, That Is Not Stupid at All…
  rumors on the internets

Americans Are Becoming Facebook-Addicted Europeans

This morning, let’s learn about how food is turning robotic, Facebook is turning us into addicts, and the economy is turning us European. I’m pretty sure exactly none of those things would make sense a hundred years ago. Read more on Americans Are Becoming Facebook-Addicted Europeans…
  this guy

George W. Bush Writing Alternate History Sci-Fi Book Where He Knows How To Run A Country

Way back when your Comics Curmudgeon went to D.C. to make sure George W. Bush wasn’t going to pull off a coup at the last second, he would have never believed that he’d ever say anything nice about the dude, but here we are three years later and here’s something nice: George W. Bush has, for the most part, had the good grace to go away. Cheney’s only being kept alive by elaborate machinery, and yet he still demands to be wheeled out now and again so he can sneer ominously about something, but George W. Bush, he’s mostly been hanging out on the couch of his exurban McMansion, catching up on all the shows he Tivo’d during his presidency. Well, not really, because he watched TV six hours a night when he was president and probably doesn’t know how to operate a Tivo, but the important part is that he wasn’t all up in our grill, reminding us why we hate him. That winning streak ends today with the announcement that “he’s” working on a new book (or maybe he’s “working” on a new book?) about how to encourage economic growth, which HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, hold on a minute, we just have to HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ok let’s nope HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Read more on George W. Bush Writing Alternate History Sci-Fi Book Where He Knows How To Run A Country…
  eat the rich

Pasties Take A Licking From UK Parliament

The Land of Newz is all aflutter this morning about the UK’s plunge into a double-dip recession that is the worst since 1975. What is the esteemed Members of Parliament’s solution, in line with their super successful austerity plan? A 20 percent tax on hot pasties, of course. No tax on cold pasties, though. So, phew. STAND DOWN! While London Bridge is falling down, MPs think it’s extremely important to spend their precious time interrogating each other as to the last time they’d eaten a hot pasty or bragging about how tasty was their latest pasty. Meanwhile, enraged Master Bakers and Pasty Makers, gathering at Pudding Lane, will finish their anti-tax protest march today on the steps of Whitehall, hoping that “politicians will be lured by the taste of an authentic Cornish pasty” enough to give pasty pounding peasants a little tax break. As mutton grease dribbles down the triple chins of pasty-patronizing Parliament, and housepersons all over the land are whinging to their neighbors about the pasty outrage, bankers and corporate moguls are laughing their asses off, sipping French champagne and nibbling their tax-free caviar. Why? Because 2011 bank bonuses in the UK were in the billions, the UK’s corporate profitability bounce back in 2010 and 2011 was extraordinary… and globally, “2011 was a banner year for luxury brands, some had more sales and profits than 2007, just before the global financial crisis.” OK, so there was a little slump, which caused some poor jetsetters to suffer: “Now, instead of buying three or four handbags, they might buy one for two-thirds of the value of all four put together.” Read more on Pasties Take A Licking From UK Parliament…
  friday factory fun

Romney Blames Obama For Plant That Closed During Bush Presidency

Mitt Romney is touring America for some reason, and on Thursday he was in Lorain, Ohio, at a National Gypsum plant that is no longer open, which he LOVES to do despite the fact that he was complicit in the closure of more things than many presidents. During this sadsack appearance the presumptive/uous Republican nominee said the reason that the plant is no longer open is President Obama and his failed somethings. Curiously, the plant actually closed in 2008, when George W. Bush was president. Then, referring to a speech that Obama gave before the financial crisis even rose up from the earth’s bog, Romney said that the President has clearly failed in his inability to, um, predict that that thing would happen, etc. Read more on Romney Blames Obama For Plant That Closed During Bush Presidency…
  what women want

Romney: Ladies Understand Economy Because They Drive Kids to School and Practice

Never let it be said that Mitt Romney does not understand women! He knows how much they contribute, how hard they work, how very important they are to the running of the celestial planet he will rule over as a God once he and his eternal family have quit this mortal plain! Not only does he understand all that, but he knows women are smart too, and care about the economy and the debt and the jerbz! Why do they understand this? This is why: Read more on Romney: Ladies Understand Economy Because They Drive Kids to School and Practice…
  he hath spoken (through one of his spokespeople)

God: Romney Is ‘Accursed,’ Santorum Will Save Economy With Christianity

According to some utterer named Steven Andrew, God has spoken through a man with two first names, and it is time for Christians to unite behind Rick Santorum, because his Christ-inanity will fix the economy, and Mitt Romney is “accursed.” Further, Romney is “against everything the USA was founded upon,” by which he means Jesus Christ, and this is why he must go, says Steven “God” Andrew. Perplexingly, Santorum decided this weekend that the economy is refreshingly not a big issue in this election, suddenly, because it is never a big issue for him, who is still somehow running in this election in the name of the burning rubber scent of a zillion diaphragms. Anyway, why Rick, or this particular Rick? “God” says he is “mature,” which is what happens to the dried milk of livestock when it sticks around this earth and is not eaten. Read more on God: Romney Is ‘Accursed,’ Santorum Will Save Economy With Christianity…
  shiny things

Newt Gingrich Loves GOLD!

Newt Gingrich has joined his sudden kindred spirit Ron Paul in saying that he believes there should be some kind of exploratory committee “to look at the concept of how do we get back to hard money.” In a discussion Tuesday at a foreign policy forum in South Carolina, Gingrich said as president he would set up a “gold commission” similar to the one President Reagan established, though CNN points out that Reagan’s group ultimately decided a gold standard was a stupid idea, even in the face of double-digit inflation. Read more on Newt Gingrich Loves GOLD!…
  haaaaaaaa

Federal Reserve Thought Housing Crisis Was Funny in 2006

The transcripts for the Federal Reserve’s 2006 meetings were released this week, and with them comes the news that the people in charge thought that the housing crisis was pretty hilarious at the time, and that the biggest problem facing the economy was inflation. That is to say, that the economy was growing too damn fast! And maybe there was slight cause for concern, things that are too good to be true being not usually true and all that. Even so, Timothy Geithner, then the president of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York and now Secretary of the Treasury, thought in December 2006, mere months before the subprime mortgage crisis hit, that “the fundamentals of the expansion going forward still look good.” Read more on Federal Reserve Thought Housing Crisis Was Funny in 2006…
  skydiving with mitt

Romney’s Bain Job Count Goes From 100,000 to ‘Thousands’ in Six Days

Faced with attacks from the left, right, leftish, righter and center forward, Mitt Romney has spent his days in South Carolina focusing on trying to make people forget about Bain by talking about it constantly. After Sarah Palin and the rest of the world called out Romney, or at least called on him to get more specific about the alleged 100,000 jobs his work at Bain created, Romney decided to say Thursday that there was “proof” of those jobs on the websites of the companies that he didn’t bankrupt. But for the most part, the “100,000” is being dropped from the playbook. In fact, in a matter of six days, it looks like the Romney camp has gone from saying “over a hundred thousand jobs” to “tens of thousands of jobs” to rolls-off-the-tongue “thousands of jobs.” Happy Friday to you. Read more on Romney’s Bain Job Count Goes From 100,000 to ‘Thousands’ in Six Days…