Do you understand how the economy works? Ha ha, of course you don’t. Nobody does! Our “robust economic system” is a dense network of horrifying gambles, pyramid schemes, and pure scams that were mostly made up on the fly for short-term gain so that somebody could cash out and move to some island safe from the eventual looting. Nevertheless, our noble political cartoonists have done their best to help you understand the anarchy that is destroying your retirement fund (such as it was): by portraying it as a series of adorable animals! See the poverty zoo, after the jump. MORE »

Having a crappy day? It’s about to get worse. There’s another GOP debate this afternoon, at the absurd hour of 4 p.m. Washington time, and 3 p.m. Detroit time — the debate is happening in Dearborn, tragic graveyard of the American Dream. So, at least all the unemployed people in Michigan are free to watch it. But they won’t because they’re all Democrat/labor union people, or maybe they’re “Reagan Democrats” or “Ted Nugent” or whatever. Anyway, we will live-blog it, dutifully and angrily, starting right here at 4 p.m. Eastern.

Supposedly this sixth GOP debate is an MSNBC/CNBC co-production starring “Mrs. Money Honey” and “Chris Matthews,” but the respective websites for those teevee channels have no mention of the debate. This is how ashamed they are, about everything. Oh, and this is Mumbly Joe Thompson’s first debate, so expect him to say a lot of dull bullshit in a folksy grumble, about how he will save us from the Soviets and the Japs and the Krauts and Sputnik, probably. How will “Fredneck” perform? Find out soon!

GOP debate is today (nice headline, guys) [Detroit Free Press]

Hey, remember how Second Life was going to create a revolution in the political and financial world and create a whole virtual economy that was somehow tied in to real money and would make people rich? Well, it turns out maybe not. Second Life has many of the financial trappings of the real world (no, we are not going to be referring to it as “first life”), such as banks and ATMs and stock exchanges, but none of the regulatory apparatus that makes sure that, say, your bank actually can give you your money back when you request it, or that somebody doesn’t just walk off with $12,000 from the stock exchange. It’s like Somalia, but with less small-arms fire and clan feuds and more big-breasted furries and forty-foot-long penises! MORE »

China to sell off its dollar reserves, causing a worldwide crash in the value of the U.S. dollar, making U.S. exports cheaper and thus reinvigorating the moribund American manufacturing sector, and setting the stage for a new chapter of economic prosperity! Or maybe we’ll all be eating beans out of cans over trash fires instead. [Telegraph]