Tag Archives: eat the rich

  Here have some news n stuff

Is It Time For Class War? (Hint: Yes)

But watch out for the gout
Still on the fence about whether it’s time for all-out up-against-the-wall eat-the-rich class war revolution? No you’re not: In 2014, Wall Street’s bonus pool was roughly double the combined earnings of all Americans working full-time jobs at minimum wage. […] Read more on Is It Time For Class War? (Hint: Yes)…
  we never drew first but we drew first blood

Florida Supreme Court To Consider Whether Buttsechs Is Sex: Your (Sexy!) Florida Roundup

Meth is a helluva drug
Greetings, Wonketeers, from the Sunshine State, where it’s presently 70 degrees and there’s nary a cloud in the sky — enjoy your digging out, New England — which almost makes up for us being America’s Yellow Skittle. Almost. Read more on Florida Supreme Court To Consider Whether Buttsechs Is Sex: Your (Sexy!) Florida Roundup…
  The Democratic Wing Of The Democratic Party Is Back

Democrats Trying To Tax Wall Street, Sounding Suspiciously Like Actual Democrats

But why would they work if they can't buy that second Maybach for weekends?
Looks like it’s time for another of those post-election reinvention crazes that political parties are so big on. A bunch of top Democrats, perhaps noticing the rave reviews that Elizabeth Warren has been getting from The Base — that’s why they made her Queen of the Democrats — are mulling over the possibility of rebranding the party with a more overt We Luv Middle Class And Wall Street Sux message. Tell us more, WaPo’s Lori Montgomery and Paul Kane: Read more on Democrats Trying To Tax Wall Street, Sounding Suspiciously Like Actual Democrats…
  Bernie Sanders For Everything

Bernie Sanders Has 12-Point Plan To Save America By Eating The Rich

Bernie Sanders, our favorite socialist senator and only socialist senator but still our favorite anyway, has a terrific new economic plan to save America, and it’s so crazy it just might work! Except, of course, that it will never work, because sadly, our Senate is filled with a whole bunch of senators who are not Bernie Sanders, and do not ask the kinds of questions he asks, such as, for example: Read more on Bernie Sanders Has 12-Point Plan To Save America By Eating The Rich…
  scumbag millionaire

Teevee Douche Delighted That 85 People Have Wealth Equal To Half Of Humanity, Who Now Have Something To Aim For

You know, maybe we’ve been thinking about this income inequality thing the wrong way. Maybe, we should consider the wisdom of the happy capitalism lover who left a dozen deleted comments the other day, and we should see that income inequality has nothing to do with the game being rigged, and everything to do with individual initiative. Then perhaps we could rejoice with Canadian TV douchebag Kevin O’Leary at the recent Oxfam International report showing that the richest 85 individuals on the planet control wealth equal to that held by the poorest 3.5 billion — roughly half the population of the planet. O’Leary, whose net worth is estimated to be a piddling $300 million, was almost ecstatic at the statistic: “It’s fantastic and this is a great thing because it inspires everybody, gets them motivation to look up to the one percent and say, ‘I want to become one of those people, I’m going to fight hard to get up to the top,’” he said. “This is fantastic news and of course I applaud it. What can be wrong with this?” In a just world — or at least in one written by Rod Serling — Mr. O’Leary would have immediately tripped over a studio cable, hit his head, and awakened as a one-legged child beggar in a Mumbai slum so he could test out his theory. Read more on Teevee Douche Delighted That 85 People Have Wealth Equal To Half Of Humanity, Who Now Have Something To Aim For…
  lay back and think of anything else

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Shudder-Inducing Ross Douthat Sexy Feelings Edition

We were going to skip the New York Times this morning because really, how many times can we yell about Thomas Friedman (ok, all of the times) and threaten to eat the rich? Even our bloodlust eventually wanes. Then we remembered we live somewhere really fucking cold and the newspaper guy had brought us the Times anyway and it was 15 below outside and we felt guilt and read the New York Times. The things we do for you and the newspaper guy. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Shudder-Inducing Ross Douthat Sexy Feelings Edition…
  mansions are people my friend

Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!

Hey, Serious Journamalists, are you looking for a new challenge? Maybe you’ve done your embedded time in the Iraq or the Afghanistan, and you’ve done your fair share of reporting on blowed up limbs and now you’re like, meh, how can I really push the limits of my reporting skills? Well, polish off that résumé because the Wall Street Journal — our nation’s newspaper of record for people who wake up in the dead of the night cold-sweating about their stock portfolio — has an exciting new opportunity for you to really earn your journamalism stripes: Read more on Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!…
  the hunger gains

Republicans Vow To Cut Food Stamps In Areas Full Of Lazy Republicans

As the GOP War On Food Stamps rolls on this summer, Bloomberg.com has released a report looking at the political makeup of areas where food stamp rolls have expanded. Here’s a bit of a “surprise”: Among the 254 counties where food stamp recipients doubled between 2007 and 2011, Republican Mitt Romney won 213 of them in last year’s presidential election, according to U.S. Department of Agriculture data compiled by Bloomberg. Kentucky’s Owsley County, which backed Romney with 81 percent of its vote, has the largest proportion of food stamp recipients among those that he carried. This is excellent news for Mitt Romney, because it proves he was able to get the moocher vote after all. Read more on Republicans Vow To Cut Food Stamps In Areas Full Of Lazy Republicans…
  another french revolution please

Do You Love Being First Against The Wall? Then Dean & Deluca’s $75 Ice Is The Ice For You

It had been another beautiful day for Harry. His wife had “opted out” and was now the most driven former brain surgeon to serve as PTA president that the whelps’ pre-pre-pre-K had ever known. (Well, honestly, she was no better or worse than the last two. It turns out brain surgeons are pretty smashing at “ye olde” PTA. Thank goodness she had an outlet for her energy or he’d never hear the end of “I was a brain surgeon this” and “I used to save lives that.”) She was pacing frantically through the kitchen now, searching drawers for she did not know what, her grimace smile drawn tight against her fatless face. He loved having all her energy devoted to him, and his seed. His mistress had given him a top flight hummer, too, during the “lunch meeting” he’d scheduled-not-scheduled with Sachs, wink wink. So pliable, so venal, always happy to see him, never looked at him with cold efficient Borg eyes, picturing the icepick sliding deep behind his ear, like some people he could name. Also, he had been astoundingly successful at “reorganizing” those fucking fucks at the plant. Let’s see how you like your pink slips since you voted in the union, you bastard commie symps. Illegal? So fucking what. What’s the NLRB gonna do, convene? Nothing could ruin this perfect day, a day befitting a man like him, who had made himself from only the shell of his father’s hundred-million-dollar firm … WHAT THE FUCK THEY WERE OUT OF GLACE LUXURY ICE? Read more on Do You Love Being First Against The Wall? Then Dean & Deluca’s $75 Ice Is The Ice For You…
  excess ain't rebellion

Terrible Gucci Fanboy, Sports Mythmaker Buzz Bissinger Proves Why Marginal Tax Rates Should Be 100 Percent

Remember last year when angry old sportswriter Harry “Buzz” Bissinger endorsed Mitt Romney because Mittens was totally lying about everything? It was probably non-sports fans’ first introduction to the douchepile that is Buzz Bissinger, so here is a quick primer. Back when the internet consisted of three Star Trek fans on a dial-up message board, Bissinger wrote a very good book about Texas high school football, which became a decent movie about Texas high school football, which inspired an incredible tv show about how Texas high school football teams only have to play well in the second half to win because of inspirational words. Bissinger has literally coasted on that book since the Soviet Union was still a thing. More recently, Bissinger is basically known as the guy who yelled at Deadspin’s Will Leitch because Bissinger couldn’t understand the difference between blog posts and blog comments. He also wrote an insufferable book about St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa to refute the idea that Nate Silver-style gay math helps explain baseball. And, of course, there was that whole endorsing Mittens because he knew Mittens was a liar. Tuesday we learned that Buzz Bissinger is a worse human being than anyone previously imagined. Read more on Terrible Gucci Fanboy, Sports Mythmaker Buzz Bissinger Proves Why Marginal Tax Rates Should Be 100 Percent…
  Oh no. Not again

GQ’s Michael Wolff Will Never Get A Table At The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe (Updated!)

Updated! TWICE!! Let us now consider the case of Michael Wolff, a mindless jerk who’ll be first up against the wall when the revolution comes. While most ape descendants on this insignificant little blue-green world struggle to keep themselves fed and sheltered, Michael Wolff has written an essay for the UK edition of GQ about the almost unbearable challenges he faces in trying to find an adequate table at a half-decent restaurant in New York (Coincidentally, “ukgq” is also the sound we made while reading the piece). The entire scene has Wolff so distressed that he may just give up on New York altogether: For an adult in the city, restaurants occupy about as much time in a day, and impose as many rules, and create a similar insecurity or nameless rage, as school in the life of a child. There are other similarities: going to the right restaurants is at least as important as going to the right schools. Wolff goes on at great length about his frustrations with dining in New York, cataloguing his frustrations and resentments and sharing them in a voice that only an afficionado of Vogon poetry could love — he sounds like a blend of Zsa Zsa Gabor and Grandpa Simpson.* Read more on GQ’s Michael Wolff Will Never Get A Table At The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe (Updated!)…
  Please Sir May We Have Another?

Forbes Explains Why You People Need More Horrible Rich Ladies Like Gina Rinehart

Hey–remember Gina Rinehart?  Oh, sure you do! She is the world’s richest woman and by some bizarre coincidence, also seems to be one of the world’s worst people. Here she is, warning Australians that it is ‘too expensive’ to mine there because she can hire Africans for less than $2 per day and oh, here she is again, suggesting that Australia make itself more profitable to her by passing a healthy wage cut. And before that, on Thursday, August 30, she advised us Poors to shut up and eat our gruel. No, really!  “If you’re jealous of those with more money, don’t just sit there and complain,” she said in a magazine piece. “Do something to make more money yourself — spend less time drinking or smoking and socialising, and more time working.” What a nice lady! Isn’t she charming? What a national treasure for Australia, they must be so glad they have her all to themselves. Oh you do not find this charming? Well here, Mark Hendrickson has published a nice long essay in Forbes about how awesome Gina Rinehart is and why we should defend her specific brand of horribleness and praise her for telling the TRUTH, yes, the TRUTH, about Poors and how much we love our drinking and our socializing. Also? We should stop demonizing rich people because there are “good” rich people and “bad” rich people, and you’ll never guess which one Gina Rinehart is. Read more on Forbes Explains Why You People Need More Horrible Rich Ladies Like Gina Rinehart…
  occupy herman cain

Herman Cain To Ocupados: ‘Don’t Have a Job? Not Rich? Blame Yourself!’

Delusional fast-food merchant Herman Cain is riding around in limousines and trying to sell his shitty book, which is all his “presidential campaign” was ever about, obviously. But he took a break from his self-promotional tour to do some self-promotion with the Wall Street Journal, so he could blame the Occupy Wall Street protests now spreading across the country on … Barack Obama, who planned these protests, apparently, “to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration.” Yeah Obama would definitely engineer a radical leftist movement against Wall Street … the same Wall Street that has run the Obama Administration from Day One. ALSO: Herman Cain has a message for the poor, unemployed protesters! Read more on Herman Cain To Ocupados: ‘Don’t Have a Job? Not Rich? Blame Yourself!’…
 

Murdoch Biz Columnist: ‘Tax the Super Rich Or Face Revolution’

We have long enjoyed MarketWatch columnist Paul B. Farrell’s seething, doom-soaked predictions of American Collapse — and his column is always the “most read” thing on this stock-market business website, so we are not alone. But today’s is a delight even if you’re used to Farrell’s ranting, because now he’s calling for armed revolution against the Super Rich! Read more on Murdoch Biz Columnist: ‘Tax the Super Rich Or Face Revolution’…
  barack obama is basically chairman mao

Wives Of Wealthy Execs ‘Sacrifice’ By Recycling And Talking To Telemarketers

You look at this little article by an anonymous TARP wife about how she has had to scale back on “important gifts and other necessities,” and comparing the modern banking class’s plight to intellectuals in Maoist China, and you think, wow, good thing the author chose to remain anonymous. Greenwich and environs have not yet managed to scrub the stink off the lawns after the last rabble uprising. Read more on Wives Of Wealthy Execs ‘Sacrifice’ By Recycling And Talking To Telemarketers…