What We’ve Learned:

* While there were two Easter Bunnies walking around the White House Easter Egg Roll, only one was the Easter Bunny. The other was the Vice Easter Bunny, who was really running the Egg Roll.
* The “puppet president” Easter Bunny was played by 30-year-old Eugene J. Huang of Beverly Hills, pictured above. He’s a White House fellow focusing on “macroeconomic policy and technology, competitiveness and innovation.”
* According to our Wonkette Operative, Huang “has no sense of humor” and was given the humiliating duty as a punishment.

More hilarious furry pictures, after the hop hop hop (jump).

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Happy Easter, everybody! This is the time of year when Our Christian Nation celebrates the execution of the Middle Eastern insurgent Jesus Al Christ with an ancient pagan fertility festival named for the goddess Eostre.

The two most precious Christian symbols of this holiest of weekends are the bunny rabbit, because all it does is fuck and eat, and the painted egg, which reminds us of where all that sperm is headed. President Bush honors our national paganism each spring with a symbolic “egg hunt” in which children (the eventual product all that human sperm) run about the lawn looking for eggs or Barney’s poops.

As usual, there’s a new batch of Official State Easter Eggs which will be displayed at the White House. Join us after the jump for a gallery of dubious state symbolism.

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We saw this story on Sunday and blew it off — those wacky Associated Press and Jerusalem Post reporters and their April Fools jokes! — but might as well post it now: The U.S. will start bombing Iran on Friday, “from 4 a.m. until 4 p.m. on April 6.” Hooray! MORE »

* Inside the Beltway: White House pool report notes the “appropriate droppings” of the Easter Bunny. . . Rep. Rob Simmons (R-Conn.) receives a letter from PETA after choking on meat during a fundraiser. [WT]
* Rush & Molloy: Jenna Bush was spotted with boyfriend Henry Hager at the Clarendon Whole Foods on Easter Sunday. [NYDN]

* Josh Bolten seeks “fresh start” for the White House. McClellan: “This is a time to reenergize and renew our commitment to help the president advance his agenda.” [WP, NYT, W$J]
* Mississippi senators are criticized for allocating $700M from war funding to relocate brand-new freight rail line. Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.): “American taxpayers are generous and are happy to restore damaged property, but it is wrong for senators to turn this tragedy into a giveaway for economic developers.” [WP]
* Sen. Hillary Clinton raised $6M in the first quarter and holds $20M in the bank; Sen. George Allen (R-Va.) has $7.2M on hand. [WP]
* Rumsfeld says calls for his retirement will fade. [NYT]
* Gay families attend White House Easter egg roll; few complaints about missing the Bushes. [USAT]
* States are showing some fiscal restraint; surpluses seen in 42 states. [USAT]
* National Archives pledges new era of “transparency”; Archives had “secret agreement” with the CIA to withhold documents. [WP, NYT]
* Mike Gravel, former Democratic senator from Alaska, officially announces bid for ‘08 presidential nomination. [WP]

Hardest ticket in town, folks. MORE »

* It’s not her fault, there’s really no predicting what you’ll say after you get hit with a tazer. ZAP! “I’m Rick James bitch!” [Shreveport Times] MORE »

According to the Post, “critics have denounced the parents for politicizing such an iconic, American event.” The controversy even has its own moniker: “Brokeback Bunny.” (Don’t think too hard about that, it’s kinda gross — especially if the bunny is chocolate.) MORE »

* Administration official confirms that Bush ordered the declassification of select prewar intelligence in response to public skepticism; Bush “may have played only a peripheral role in the release of the classified material and was uninformed about the specifics –like the effort to dispatch [Scooter Libby] to discuss the [National Intelligence Estimate] with reporters.” [NYT]
* Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.) calls for “detailed explanation” of “what Vice President Cheney did, what the president said to him, and an explanation from the president as to what he said so that it can be evaluated.” [WP, USAT]
* 500,000 march in Dallas to support immigrants’ rights; protests planned today in over 100 cities. [NYT, USAT]
* House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) is not satisfied with Bush’s immigration plan: “I’m for securing the borders and enforcing the laws. Until we do that, if you try to create a guest-worker program, all you’re doing is inviting more illegal immigration.” [WP]
* Christian Coalition, weighed down by “trail of debt” that tops $2m, has lost credibility and influence. [WP]
* Tomorrow’s special election to replace Rep. Randy Cunningham (R-Calif.) is seen as a “bellwether for races across the nation”; a win by Democrat Francine Busby “would be the political equivalent of a tectonic shift,” says expert. [WP]
* 200 gay families plan on attending White House Easter Egg Roll. Laura Bush’s press secretary states the rules: “No more than two adults per group, and at least one child under the age of 8.” [NYT]
* McCain is now in the “heart of the Bush dynasty.” [USAT]
* Three-star Marine Corps general calls for Rumsfeld to resign: “I now regret that I did not more openly challenge those who were determined to invade a country whose actions were peripheral to the real threat –Al Qaeda.” [NYT]

* Reliable Source: Tony Blair’s son is trying to be inconspicuous as a Capitol Hill intern. . . Hill staffers will continue to receive free subscriptions to Hustler. [WP]
* Inside the Beltway: Laura Bush on the film “Glory Road”: “You’ll be amused when you watch the movie and you see the lines that, ‘Blacks can’t play basketball.’”. . . Humane Society wants the White House to use cage-free eggs for its East Egg Roll. [WT]
* Page Six: Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) on Hillary: “I hear Bill is driving her nuts. Apparently, she came home the other day, saw him on the sofa and yelled at him to turn off ‘Oprah,’ get off his butt, and pick up the towels on the bathroom floor. And Bill said, ‘Don’t try that stuff with me. You’re trying to run this place like the House of Representatives… and you know what I mean.’”. . . Morrissey was investigated by FBI and British counterpart after calling Bush a terrorist. [NYP]