easter
Bored Wingnuts Invent ‘Pastor Problem’ for Obama Because Hey, Why Not, Nothing Else Is Working
Hide the children, cover your ears, and run for the hills, because this is the absolute worst thing that has ever happened. TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!!!!! for President Obama doing something even worse than winning the presidency — twice! President Obama attended an Easter service with his family today at St. John’s Episcopal Church near the White [...]
Good Christian Wingnuts Furious Obama Forced Google To Honor Some Brown Dude Instead of Jesus
It’s been at least three seconds since the crackpots cooked up a good conspiracy theory about Obama Hitler Kenya Muslims Socialism Something Something BENGHAZIIIII!!!!!, so we are all very relieved that the Easter Bunny brought us this shiny new bauble of crazy: On Easter Sunday, Google is honoring the birthday of the late labor organizer [...]
Jesus Undead Again We Guess
We were going to put some Easter songs here for ya, Wonkzards, but when you google “easter songs,” it comes back with a MESS of songs about “His Crimson Blood” and “His Blood Came In Rivers” and “Oh My God, The Blood, So Much Blood, The Blood.” So we figured we’d keep it simple, stupid. [...]
Washington Post Does War On Easter Because It Hates Jesus, God
Why does the Washington Post #WAR on Easter every year? Why does it forget that Jesus Is the Reason for the Season? We bet they even call it “spring break,” like a bunch of fucking pagan Wiccan lesbian abortionists, instead of Jesus Died For Your Sins And On The Third Day He Rose Again Vacation. [...]
How Is Michelle Obama Taking The Jesus Out Of Easter Now?
Ghetto-elitist/Harvard-ACORN/exercise-Nazi-fat-person Michelle Obama has done it again. She has RUINED EASTER by letting her husband, Ol’ Idiot-Head there, wish Iran a happy Nowruz while NEGLECTING to celebrate the holiest day in Christendom. But don’t they have a big Easter celebration at the White House every year? you are scratching the fleas from your Levon Helm [...]
Michelle Obama Battles Nasty Old Lady (Mother Nature)
It was a semi-catastrophic week in the life of our FLOTUS, Michelle Obama. She just barely survived a plane crash, or something, and then some over-sized toddlers got into a fight over her on the Internet. She also received the “honor” of being named as one of the TIME 100, whatever that is … something [...]
Pre-Swamp Sweat Fest Fun: The Many Ways To Enjoy DC Spring
Happy third day of Passover to all our Jewish friends and a hoppy almost Easter to “everyone else!” Jews eating matza and the celebration of when Jesus returned to say “howdy” to all his followers before going away again are two exciting occasions that mark fertility, horny rabbits, and most importantly, spring. Before we enter [...]
FLOTUS Turns American Religious Holiday Into Pagan ‘Let’s Move!’ Party
Once upon a time there was this guy named Jesus, who told a bunch of people that he was the Son of God and did lots of magic tricks until Mel Gibson killed him in front of disgusted audiences everywhere, the end. This is the foundation for the world’s angriest religion, Christianity. This is also [...]
Newt Gingrich Rams His Love of Easter Candies Down America’s Memory Hole
Amoral pudgesack Newt Gingrich loves only two things: divorcing his old wives after he gives them cancer, and stuffing his albino-hamster face with Easter candies to “prove” he loves his current wife, for the time being. But now his holiday gluttony is as hidden away as the records of his many cruel divorces against his [...]
Hoppy Easter, America!
Your Wonkette wishes you a Hoppy Easter, a Sexy Sixth day of Passover, a hopey White House egg hunt, a rapey Vatican child hunt, and a Wager-y Basketball day for people who sit around watching other people play sports. That is all! (Oh wait here’s another article about the Nazi Pope turning Easter into another [...]
Easter: The Spring Holiday You Were Actually Thinking About
Jesus: he came, he saw, he came back, he hid some eggs, he befriended a bunny, let’s eat. Right? After the jump, where to dine to celebrate Jesus, spring, fertility, and horny rabbits.
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