Wonkette

America’s back on track, everyone! The Bush Administration says our nation’s precious American Bald Eagles are no longer endangered, so open fire! Sadly, the once-proud eagles have turned out to be like most Americans — frightened, stupid, exiled to the suburbs and knocked to the ground:

A neighbor, Patti Schuman, said she returned home from dinner with her husband 15 months ago to find a frightened fledgling, with a four-foot wingspan, cowering by their front door after falling — or being pushed — from its nest.

“It hunkered down in a corner, next to a plant,” until experts brought it back near the nest, Ms. Schuman said.

Yes, young symbol of our country, just cower behind a fucking houseplant and wait for the “experts” to save you. USA USA USA!

Bald Eagles No Longer Endangered, U.S. Says [NYT]

Beloved bald eagles George and Martha thrilled Washington for years, but tragedy struck in the form of an evil eagle bitch who hated Martha. MORE »

* John Warner and his merry band of Senate outlaws demand more attention for their troop escalation-opposition-resolution. Harry Reid says, “WTF?” [WP]
* The House, meanwhile, is going right ahead. Will figure out what to say as they go. [NYT]
* Of course, 3,000 of the 21,500 additional troops are already there, getting their helicopters blowed up. [LAT]
* Iraq war veteran Jon Soltz and his not-so-merry band of surly veterans hang around hill offices telling war stories and dropping criticism of Bush and Cheney like it’s hot. [WP]
* Barry Hussein gets cocky, asks the FEC questions about what to do after he wins the nomination. [WP, NYT]
* Government makes a cartoon of itself by asking other countries if pilots flying internationally can be armed to the teeth. [USAT]
* Bald eagles that shed tears for America, now shed their trees, blood. [NYT]

* People in Plano, Texas, aren’t “wildly exercised about sodomy,” because they’re too lazy for exercise. [KausFiles]
* Harry Reid disses dead pretend president’s funeral for South American sexy time. [AP]
* This anti-drug propaganda video may actually make you vomit! [Reason Hit & Run]
* Lawyer who accused Karl Rove of treason dies in usual sketchy “leap from building.” [Kurt Nimmo]
* Brave Eagle photographed flying away with an entire living adult fox, which was eaten alive just moments later. [Snopes]

Because it’s important to destroy the symbols of liberty, too, the White House will formally remove America’s Magical Bird — the majestic fish-eating Bald Eagle — from the Endangered Species list next month. MORE »

Martha the American Eagle is dead. Named for Rep. John Murtha, the famous Wilson Bridge eagle got hurt again the other day and had to be put to sleep. MORE »