So says Lou “CNN” Dobbs. MORE »

Mean Jean Schmidt and Stranglin’ Don Sherwood aren’t the only pols having trouble at the polls. MORE »

Our national nervous breakdown continues: A 43-year-old Pennsylvania man calmly showed up at his polling place, went to his assigned machine and destroyed it with a “metal cat paperweight.” MORE »

Our favorite mistress-strangling Pennsylvania congressman went to his polling place today and, like most old people, had no idea how to cast his vote.

As he stood at the new electronic voting machine, Mr. Sherwood quickly made his selections, but then ran into a glitch. “How do I send it?” he asked a poll worker. The woman instructed him to hit the red “vote” button at the top and then confirm.

We can only conclude that he really was only trying to give his mistress a “backrub” and then accidentally strangled her because he’s legally retarded. MORE »

HBO’s got a new documentary all about how you might as well stay home Tuesday because the vote totals were probably programmed in the e-voting machines months ago. The movie premieres Thursday night. MORE »

Election Day is going to suck. The latest e-voting outrage comes courtesy of Sequoia Voting Systems, which has machines in 16 states. MORE »