Tag Archives: e plebnista

  Tyson Probably Kicks Puppies Too

Why Does Neil deGrasse Tyson Hate The Flag And America?

E Plebnista: Love It Or Leave It
Pluto-murderer, Jesus-defamer, and notorious science-doer Neil deGrasse Tyson put on his troll hat again the other day, and displeased some parts of the Twitterverse with a terrible horrible unpatriotic parody of the Pledge of Allegiance: Read more on Why Does Neil deGrasse Tyson Hate The Flag And America?…
  A Sojourner In A Strange Land. A Very Strange Land

Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?

He's stealing our worship words!
Newest Rightwing Butthurt: In his speech on immigration reform, Traitor Usurper Friend Of Lawbreakers Barack Hussein Obama, who never mentions Jesus on Easter or Christmas, actually referenced the Bible, and now that’s a terrible thing. As part of his address, Obama said, Read more on Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?…
  Weed The People

Happy Birthday, U.S. Constitution! Even The Parts Without Guns.

These are Yang worship words! You will not say them!
Happy Constitution Day, U.S. Wonkers of America and such as! On this day in 1987, we celebrated the 200th anniversary of the signing of the Constitution of the United States. Yr Doktor Zoom distinctly remembers how none of the students in his freshman composition class got all of the really easy constitutional trivia questions right — simple stuff like “What does the Fifth Amendment protect?” and “Is it legal for the government to make you pray to your guns?” Read more on Happy Birthday, U.S. Constitution! Even The Parts Without Guns….
  million mange march

Eleven ‘American Spring’ Patriots And A Dog Still Bravely Trying To Overthrow Obama

Here’s a video of the courageous remnant of the 10 million (or a few hundred) revolutionaries who crowded into Washington last month to demand the resignation of the Obama administration and Congressional leadership. They marched very impressively to a spot near the White House and yelled “Remember Benghazi!” and “Remember Seal Team Six!” a few times, and then symbolically turned their backs on the Kenyan Usurper. Then a cop talked to one of them and they bravely walked away, singing a song about their fight for freedom, which goes on. Are you inspired yet? Read more on Eleven ‘American Spring’ Patriots And A Dog Still Bravely Trying To Overthrow Obama…
  one nation under paranoia

Stupidest Man On Internet: Arabic Pledge Of Allegiance Makes Founders Cry

Here is the latest outrage against all that is good and holy and just in our once-proud nation: According to the Stupidest Man on the Internet, Jim Hoft, “Rocky Mountain High School in Fort Collins replaced “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance with “under Allah.” My god! What is our country coming to? Creeping Sharia has crept right into the National Prayer and killed God dead! Say, would this be a good place to point out that if the Pledge hadn’t been meddled with by God-botherers in 1954, this never would have happened? Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet: Arabic Pledge Of Allegiance Makes Founders Cry…
  freedom's just another word for women shouldn't choose

Obama Said ‘Religious Freedom,’ Wingnuts Obviously Totally Okay With That

Oh, man, did you hear the terrible things that Barack Hussein Obama said at the National Prayer Breakfast the other day? They were so offensive. No, he didn’t talk about ‘bortion, or about slut pills, or about how hard it is for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven, or even about his secret devotion to Islam. WAY worse, according to Florida Congressdouche Steve Southerland. Barry Bamz said — and we hope you are sitting down — that he believes in religious freedom, arguing that preserving people’s religious liberty is essential to freedom in general, and praising Pope Francis’s “missionary impulse to serve the cause of social justice.” He even called for the release of imprisoned religious figures in China, Iran, and North Korea. The whole nauseating display made Southerland sick, you see, because, as he told Family Research Council president Tony Perkins on a dumb FRC radio show, Obama doesn’t actually believe in religious freedom at all, and so his speech was a huge insult to people who really do. People like Steve Southerland, for instance. Read more on Obama Said ‘Religious Freedom,’ Wingnuts Obviously Totally Okay With That…
  by grabthar's nine iron you will be avenged

Golf Sponsor Decides What To Do With Own Money, Glenn Beck Fans Outraged

Here’s a new squirmish in the Culture Wars: A businessman in Virginia has dropped his sponsorship of a pro golfer because he’s not all that crazy about the golfer’s political and religious views. The business guy, Brian McMahon, had been sponsoring golfer Jeff Cochran for almost a year to promote McMahon’s Nebraska Golf Card (NGC) business, one of those discount-card things, but McMahon, an atheist, terminated the business relationship after talking with Cochran and learning that he was a big fan of Glenn Beck, Ted Cruz, and Cruz’s bugfuck-crazy father, Raphael Cruz. Even worse, McMahon said mean things about Jesus and Christians and Ted Cruz, and even insulted Glenn Beck! Hey, fair enough, that’s how sponsorship works, right? Or maybe it’s… religious discrimination!?!? Read more on Golf Sponsor Decides What To Do With Own Money, Glenn Beck Fans Outraged…
  missing the pint

Fox & Friends Pinch Hitters: Sam Adams Beer Ad Made Baby Jebus Cry

By now, we’re pretty much used to Fox News’s routine freakouts over how there’s a War On Christmas (and by extension, on Jesus and America), but the holiday-weekend hosts of Fox & Friends upped the ante today with a complaint about a beer ad that neglected to give God his due. And here we’d have thought that using God to sell beer would be, you know, a cheapening of religion, but what do we know? At issue is a dopey ad for the tolerable sorta-microbrew Samuel Adams, in which a fake bartender fills a glass with the stuff while saying that it makes sense to name a beer after Samuel Adams because he “signed the Declaration of Independence. He believed there was a better way to live: all men are created equal. They are endowed with certain unalienable rights: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” WELL YOU SEE THE PROBLEM, DON’T YOU????? OK, maybe you do not see it because you do not spend every moment searching for insults to Baby Jesus, so we will tell you: The actor playing the bartender did not say it right! He left out “endowed by their Creator,” and so, Fake Doocey, Fake Kilmeade and Fake Gretchen* all agreed that “the terrorists have won.” Read more on Fox & Friends Pinch Hitters: Sam Adams Beer Ad Made Baby Jebus Cry…
  keep fucking that chicken

Three New Hampshire GOP Reps Want To Impeach Everyone Else, Because Tyranny

The Nashua, New Hampshire, Telegraph ran an editorial yesterday that started with a sigh of relief that the current session of that state’s legislature appeared to be just a bit more sane than previous years, which featured such delights as a birther bill to remove Barack Obama from the ballot and a proposal that would have required all legislation to cite the Carta Blanca or some other Messican beer, because the Constitution wasn’t originalist enough. But those days are gone, say the editors, with an audible “whew!” No more getting mocked as the “Arizona of New England!” And then, if you hold your ear close to your monitor, you can literally hear the editors sobbing into their beer as a sad trombone blasts from above. Because now, three GOP members of the New Hampshire House have filed an “emergency petition” to have 189 other members of the House expelled from office for “breaching their oath,” and to seek criminal charges against them for “violating federal law,” because those filthy traitors voted to repeal the state’s 2011 “Stand Your Ground” law. The bill to repeal the law passed 189-184 on March 27, and so of course the three latest candidates for Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year are facing an EMERGENCY requiring that over half of the voting members of the New Hampshire House of Representatives be removed from office. It only makes sense. Read more on Three New Hampshire GOP Reps Want To Impeach Everyone Else, Because Tyranny…
  'elp! 'elp! I'm bein' oppressed!

Joseph Farah Determines ‘We’ Had More Freedom in 1776 Than Today (For Certain Values Of ‘We’)

Joseph Farah, the editor of Serious News Outlet WorldNet Daily, has a Serious Question he wishes you to consider: “Are we better off now than we were in 1776?” And while the real answer involves glancing at the illustration above, remembering that women couldn’t vote until 1919, rolling our eyes, and saying “Duh, Joe,” we are pretty sure that we would not get paid for this blog post if we didn’t engage Farah’s dumb column in further detail. So sure, for the sake of argument, let’s grant that Farah might grudgingly extend to the ladies and the dusky-hued savages the same level of freedom that white men had in 1776, and further assume that he doesn’t literally want us to return to 18th-century levels of medicine and technology, either — which are pretty big concessions, considering that Farah doesn’t mention any of these trivial details of the material realities of life in colonial America, which he insists “wasn’t all that bad.” Let’s even assume that we could somehow shoehorn most of the good stuff about today’s material reality into the political and economic norms of 1776 — or really, 1791, since Farah immediately shifts the goalposts to a discussion of “constitutionally protected rights we secured through the War of Independence,” as if the Bill of Rights had magically appeared when Jesus handed the Constitution to George Washington. Which is to say, Farah is engaging in historical & cultural fantasy from the get-go, but sure, we’ll play along. Read more on Joseph Farah Determines ‘We’ Had More Freedom in 1776 Than Today (For Certain Values Of ‘We’)…
  That Word Does Not Mean What You Think It Means

Victoria Jackson, Allen West Still Suffering From Wingnut Vocabulary Disorder

Hey, lissen up, guys, Michele Bachmann is being THREATENED and we need to PROTECT her! Darn it, no matter how much we disagree with someone, we certainly don’t want them to be threatened… So tell us more about these threats, former weakest member of the 1986-1992 SNL cast Victoria Jackson, on your sloppily formatted webpage: Sign this petition to keep Michele Bachmann in Congress. Ann Marie Murrell writes, “What’s the point of having a gov’t committee that tries to root out things like Islam in America if you’re not allowed to say, “They’re here!” without being threatened? Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has been one of the few American politicians who’s dared question our dealings with Islam worldwide. Instead of applauding her, people like John McCain denigrated and ridiculed her for speaking out. NOW, a radical group has given Speaker Boehner a petition with 178,000 signatures demanding the removal of Congresswoman Bachmann from the House Permanent Select Committee. Rep. Bachmann has been one of the only truth tellers on the committee–so what are they covering up now?? Such were the gentle murmurs of Ms. Jackson. How can one woman pack so much stupid into just 121 words? Read more on Victoria Jackson, Allen West Still Suffering From Wingnut Vocabulary Disorder…
  Godwin Shrugged

Fox News Is Losing the War On Analogies

Sean Hannity took to the Cablewaves to complain about the shocking, cruel, unkind analogy that Bob Schieffer used last week, where he outrageously compared one thing with other things, which is something that we as Americans should just not do. On a Jan. 16 CBS News special report on Newtown and guns, Schieffer discussed how hard it might be to enact meaningful changes in our gun laws, but noted that presidents have overcome difficult obstacles in the past: “Surely finding Osama Bin Laden, surely passing civil rights legislation, as Lyndon Johnson was able to do, and before that, surely defeating the Nazis was a much more formidable task than taking on the gun lobby.” Obviously, the only correct way to interpret these words is that Bob Schieffer thinks that gun owners and the NRA are radical muslim segregationist Nazis, because that’s exactly what he said. Schieffer’s over-the top statement was very alarming to Fox News, where Sean Hannity followed the Schieffer comment with a clip of Rush Limbaugh asking “Is there room for that in our discourse today?” Enjoy this lovely Talking Points Memo video which shows Fox News talking heads having very serious concerns about the state of our public discourse, where apparently some people mention Nazis now and again. Do we see conservatives invoking George Orwell? We do. Every time a conservative does that on TV they should be required to give $10 to the George Orwell Memorial Trust. Read more on Fox News Is Losing the War On Analogies…
  None Dare Call It Delusional Teabagger Infighting

Tea Party In Epic Slapfight Over Who Loves Constitution The Mostest

Small but highly excitable segments of the Wingnutosphere are in high dudgeon over the maybe-treasonous remarks of Rep. Paul “Gosar the Destroyer” Gosar (DDS, R-AZ), who said some very outrageous things at a June 28th online town hall thing hosted by largely unknown Tea Party group “Unite in Action” and posted to the group’s YouTube channel over the weekend. Oh god you are totally NOT going to believe the thing he said. It’s just so unbelievably traitor-y and freedom-hating! No, really, it’s bad. You are probably guessing that maybe Gosar announced plans to sell America’s top-secret interdimensional portal technology to Red China, or that he invited the UN to dictate our children’s lunch menus, or maybe even that he reminded “Unite In Action” that they were the group that, even during the teabagger heyday of 2010, had to cancel a “National Tea Party Unity Convention” in Las Vegas because nobody would pay to attend it, but no, it is even more shocking: He comes right out and says that defending the Constitution is a losing cause, so why even bother, right? Insane, isn’t it? Watch this shocking video where Gosar (here in the form of a large and moving Torg) literally throws the Constitution under an actual bus: Read more on Tea Party In Epic Slapfight Over Who Loves Constitution The Mostest…
  wingnuts furious

Obama Outrageously Politicizes 4th Of July Naturalization Ceremony By Mentioning Immigration

One of the nicer Independence Day traditions in this country is the swearing-in of new citizens by the President of the USA. Jaded though we may be in this modern age of instant worldwide communications, 24-hour news cycles, and flying robotic kittycat death drones, we nevertheless actually get a little misty-eyed at the idea that, on the holiday celebrating the nation’s founding, the actual freakin’ PRESIDENT welcomes a bunch of new citizens to enjoy the full rights and responsibilities of being Americans. It’s really kind of awesome. Ah, but not so fast, you sentimental goons! What if that POTUS is himself maybe an illegal alien (we’re not saying he is, but the question has been raised by some) who thinks that maybe it would be a good idea to not deport every last foreign-born child ever? Then we are talking about an entirely different kettle of Indonesian flying fish! And even worse, what if that POTUS uses the occasion of that citizenship ceremony to suggest that American immigration policy might possibly be changed? Well, then, friends and neighbors, what you have is an unprecedented politicization of a sacred national day! Breitbart editor Ben Shapiro, that Platonic Ideal of a bloviating wingnut, is terribly sad for America, because “Even on July 4, President Obama can’t stop campaigning.” Inconceivable! How could a President even think of the election on the 4th of July in an election year? Read more on Obama Outrageously Politicizes 4th Of July Naturalization Ceremony By Mentioning Immigration…