Famous harried slave and recipient of comical e-mails Joel Sawyer has regrettably tendered his resignation as Mark Sanford’s spokesman, although it is unclear as to why. Perhaps the Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza should resend this e-mail to procure his latest Fix! [AP]

Politico WON THE MORNING today, and that’s not even an overused joke — it truly won! And the Shenanigans blog isn’t under the Link Ban, so ta-da: a link! The story is about an executive assistant at “McBee Strategic” e-mailing Elizabeth Becton, scheduler for Democratic Rep. Jim McDermott, to set up a meeting. Becton doesn’t respond for a while, so the assistant sends a follow-up e-mail — but this time with the salutation “Hi Liz,” thinking that’s what she goes by. Turns out she doesn’t, AND SHE REALLY DISLIKES IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL HER THAT. MORE »

Whoa, weird, Fox Business News has a delightful scoop today! They won a suit against the Treasury to release 10,000 pages in TARP-related government records, and for the good of mankind have already found a couple of funny anecdotes revealing cartoonish confusion and conflict. We’re starting to understand the mechanics of how AIG rips off the federal government so easily: the old racist means of pitting the bureaucrats against each other until they’ve all been killed off. MORE »

The actual central Democratic party apparatus introduced a wacky prank last week to stick it to farty ol’ Rush Limbaugh: they’d come up with a funny slogan about Rush being weird and place it on a billboard in Rush’s hometown. Then Rush would see it all the time and feel embarrassed! UBER-PWNAGE MUCH? Well today we (and approximately 150 of our tipsters) received an e-mail from the Democrat party listing the five finalist slogans. They are all hilarious and, uh, Rush will feel so stupid. Hint: apparently the word “Rush” can be used to form puns! MORE »

We all know that Northern Virginia’s George Mason University is run by a bunch of no-fun goons who hate happiness in all of its various flavors. It’s worse than we’d imagined, however: they now hate capitalism, America’s famous system of economics. University administrators today sent out an e-mail to students threatening violent “discipline” if they rent out their dorm rooms to desperate strangers during Inauguration, a creative free-market idea that could help the University in the long run, as all students will otherwise default on their loans within several years because of Deflation. The shocking e-mail, below. MORE »

OK, college kids, we know that you immediately will believe anything that a dumb Internet message tells you, but this e-mail from George Mason University’s “Provost” is, in fact, a hoax sent by racist hackers trying to stop the black guy from winning Virginia. So go out and vote as planned, it won’t take long, and then you can continue to play your Britney Spears Xbox games on the Wii.

We do not wish to make jokes about Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones’ death and resurrection. But we do want John Kerry to learn his lesson. It’s kind of WEIRD when you first hear about someone’s death in one of John Kerry’s 977 daily e-mails. For Christ’s sake, let the body settle! Because she was not dead after all, and now you are creepy.

For the last few days, the folks at the Atlantic magazine have been hyping a piece from senior editor Joshua Green about the (not so) mysterious inner workings of Hillary Clinton’s terrible campaign staff, claiming Green had procured 200(!) internal e-mails and memos. Such teases! This is sort of like waving crack in front of John Edwards’ crack baby, but then saying “you have to wait for the September issue of crack to come out in three days.” But it’s out now, and we read it, and there’s not much you haven’t already known for months or couldn’t have predicted. It has its moments, however. Wait until you read about Mark Penn’s “FUN” invisible people button for the website! MORE »

LOOK THE POST OFFICE IS REALLY CROWDED K? Anyway yes, “Mom,” taxes will be paid for your terrorist war against the Green Zone.

In response to this post, which was magically linked from the front page of AOL.com. When the Apocalypse comes, will Mark Penn save us or them?

On September 30, 2003, President Bush said he’d “take care” of anyone in his administration who leaked Valerie Plame’s secret CIA identity to the journalists. On THIS VERY SAME DAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2003, Dick Cheney sent out several e-mails that have now gone missing. Our very vice president! Deleting his very e-mails! I know I never delete e-mails. MORE »