All that Mark Sanford business has gotten pretty boring, so let’s turn our attention to the other Republican extramarital romancer, John Ensign. Remember this guy, and how he made beautiful love with his friend’s wife even though the friend repeatedly implored him to quit with his beautiful love-making? Ensign’s not quite as good a writer as Sanford. Or maybe it’s fairer to say he’s sort of Hemingway to Sanford’s Faulkner. MORE »

We have EMAIL PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE that Rep. Jim McDermott’s executive assistant/office manager/scheduler/pet dragon Elizabeth “Liz” Becton, the Meanest Lady in DC, was not simply having a “bad day” when she went nuts on someone, over e-mail, who mistakenly saluted her as “Liz.” Below are two more of Liz Becton’s run-ins with e-mail, in which she type-screams at entire listservs about GETTING THE LUNCH LADY’S NAME RIGHT, and swears to destroy a Mole scheduler who once leaked stuff to your Wonkette. MORE »

The FBI and Secret Service have launched a Special Investigation into the important matter of some “hacker” breaking into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo! e-mail and taking a few benign screen shots. Michelle Malkin, Bill O’Reilly et al. have been lambasting our friends at Gawker for posting the screen shots; O’Reilly even said that Gawker owner Nick Denton should be thrown in jail forever. (Maybe? But not for this.) In the meantime, the supposed hacker has released an account of his complicated crime. We should warn you that only advanced computer science-trained minds will be able to understand this, but here goes: the hacker correctly guessed Palin’s simple “Forgot Your Password?” question. Crafty! MORE »

Oh look, it’s past one o’clock on any day, which means John Kerry has just e-mailed all of Washington his 64th press release of the early afternoon. And what is it about? Murder. MURRRRRDER.

Actually, no.

In their continuing quest to destroy the world, Ron Paul supporters have been stepping up their spamming efforts through the employ of rogue spambots. According to the University of Alabama-Birmingham’s computer forensics research department — which has some project where they read spam messages all day — many of the Paultards’ e-mails are “clearly not coming from Ron Paul’s official campaign, but rather illegitimate spam operations and botnets.” MORE »

Nutters send us angry e-mails every day, all day long, so it takes something special to really get our attention — usually, untreated schizophrenia is a great way to “make it” on Wonkette. But today, we offer you a glimpse into a secret and very tiny world … a world in which people, without irony, quote David Patraeus in their email sigs: MORE »

We’ve received startling NEW INFORMATIONS regarding some of the problems. Are you brave enough to learn The Truth? Here’s just a small taste of the Revelations To Come:

THE DEVICE TELLING THE THOUGHTS; EXTRATERRESTRIALS,
SPACE, EARTH AND MYSTERIES ;
The world is governed by the extraterrestrials ; in which way? By means of devices telling the thoughts ;

Read more of Mitt Romney’s compelling ideas about France and Marriage, after the jump.

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Who could’ve predicted this administration would owe more to “Twin Peaks” than Ronald Reagan? This picture — which is causing such an outrage because it seemingly proves Karl Rove’s involvement with Chattanooga computer-design firm Coptix, which is supposedly hiding criminal White House e-mails — just isn’t right.

The obvious thing to question is the Coptix logo on the folder, because that’s something that could be easily slapped on with the most basic Photoshopping skills. You know, as some sort of “viral marketing” that will cause Boston to shut down. But then everything in the picture started looking suspicious to us (and our commenters). For instance, what the hell is playing on the restaurant’s television?

Let’s go crazy, after the jump.

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The new kinder gentler really-concerned-about-politicians version of Wonkette hasn’t won over everybody:

Subject: tony snow cancer
From: joe searcy
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Beloved Minnesota congresslady and foster-baby farmer Michele Bachmann is for the right things (Jesus, sexually assaulting George W. Bush) and AGAINST the wrong things, such as The Devil and the Soviet Union. This is why we love her. Plus, her staff demanded that all of us Bachmann fans write letters to the newspapers about how she is so awesome.

We have found the first fruit of this important letter-writing campaign, and you can read it after the jump.

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