Wonkette

Oh look, it’s past one o’clock on any day, which means John Kerry has just e-mailed all of Washington his 64th press release of the early afternoon. And what is it about? Murder. MURRRRRDER.

Actually, no.

In their continuing quest to destroy the world, Ron Paul supporters have been stepping up their spamming efforts through the employ of rogue spambots. According to the University of Alabama-Birmingham’s computer forensics research department — which has some project where they read spam messages all day — many of the Paultards’ e-mails are “clearly not coming from Ron Paul’s official campaign, but rather illegitimate spam operations and botnets.” MORE »

Nutters send us angry e-mails every day, all day long, so it takes something special to really get our attention — usually, untreated schizophrenia is a great way to “make it” on Wonkette. But today, we offer you a glimpse into a secret and very tiny world … a world in which people, without irony, quote David Patraeus in their email sigs: MORE »

We’ve received startling NEW INFORMATIONS regarding some of the problems. Are you brave enough to learn The Truth? Here’s just a small taste of the Revelations To Come:

THE DEVICE TELLING THE THOUGHTS; EXTRATERRESTRIALS,
SPACE, EARTH AND MYSTERIES ;
The world is governed by the extraterrestrials ; in which way? By means of devices telling the thoughts ;

Read more of Mitt Romney’s compelling ideas about France and Marriage, after the jump.

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Who could’ve predicted this administration would owe more to “Twin Peaks” than Ronald Reagan? This picture — which is causing such an outrage because it seemingly proves Karl Rove’s involvement with Chattanooga computer-design firm Coptix, which is supposedly hiding criminal White House e-mails — just isn’t right.

The obvious thing to question is the Coptix logo on the folder, because that’s something that could be easily slapped on with the most basic Photoshopping skills. You know, as some sort of “viral marketing” that will cause Boston to shut down. But then everything in the picture started looking suspicious to us (and our commenters). For instance, what the hell is playing on the restaurant’s television?

Let’s go crazy, after the jump.

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The new kinder gentler really-concerned-about-politicians version of Wonkette hasn’t won over everybody:

Subject: tony snow cancer
From: joe searcy
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Beloved Minnesota congresslady and foster-baby farmer Michele Bachmann is for the right things (Jesus, sexually assaulting George W. Bush) and AGAINST the wrong things, such as The Devil and the Soviet Union. This is why we love her. Plus, her staff demanded that all of us Bachmann fans write letters to the newspapers about how she is so awesome.

We have found the first fruit of this important letter-writing campaign, and you can read it after the jump.

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Outgoing Roll Call gossip Mary Ann Akers is off to a great new start as the new WashingtonPost.com gossip. Her farewell to Roll Call e-mail charmingly revealed all of her sources, because she put them in the CC spot instead of the BCC spot. (Note to aspiring gossip columnists: BCC means Blind Carbon Copy, which means everybody can’t see everybody else who gets the e-mail.)

And people are furious. One committee aide told The Hill: “It violates your confidentiality …. It’s their private e-mail. People don’t want their e-mail out in public. This whole thing burned the living shit out of me as it revealed me and all the other ‘leakers.’ …. Anyone who is on there, I’m sure they’re pissed.”

Two lawmakers are on the e-mail list: Congressmen Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) and Patrick Kennedy (D-Drunky). If you have this farewell letter from Mary Ann, send it to us at once!

UPDATE! Akers’ official response is after the jump. Due to a hilarious sitcom-style bicoastal mix-up, one of your editors in fact HAD received this email, but ignored it due to the fact that we get emails from people who forget to BCC pretty much daily.

Burning her sources on her way out [The Hill]

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