Wonkette

You know how the New York Times turned down John McCain’s editorial because it was boring or whatever? We think we found it — it’s running in the Washington Post today, cleverly disguised under the pseudonym “Richard Cohen,” and it’s a full-on Andy Rooney-style rant about the youngsters and their awful tattoos (pictured, left). Today’s horrible tattoos are symptomatic of our decadent moral decline, whereas the horrible tattoos of yesteryear actually stood for something … or so says one angry, drunken geezer. MORE »

Our Wonkette operative in Los Angeles writes: “Front page, scroll down to the quote area right above the video player, http://www.latimes.com.” Ha, dumb! [Opinion LA]

Once upon a time there was a man named Jessie “The Body” Ventura. He made money wrestling, and then he shaved his head and ran for governor of Minnesota. And he actually won! Then he made some crazy remarks about hunting and other stuff, and eventually he left office, and now he divides his time between “just chillin’” in Minnesota and surfing in Latin American war zones. And now he thinks he might enter Minnesota’s upcoming Senate race, because if Al Franken can do it, anybody can. MORE »

OMG did you hear what colored people are up to “in their churches”? Well let’s have one more moment of comic/feigned outrage over what those uppity black people are saying, as the Jeremiah Wright “scandal” will be the closest any of you white people ever get to a black church. Also, uh, this is what the fancy New York magazine Vanity Fair does these days: “Mash ups” of copyrighted video from The Simpsons and the entire two minutes of Reverend Wright’s wacky history of sermons, which so far we’ve yet to hear a single person, you know, make any sort of coherent argument against. Anyway, John McCain is Grandpa Simpson, as we will scientifically prove, after the jump. MORE »