Politicians: they have bad luck on boats! Last Friday, Rudy Giuliani was happily riding a ferry of some kind in Michigan when he was set upon and attacked by a horde of vicious Ron Paul supporters demanding to know what he did with all the gold from the World Trade Centers and asking why he let Cheney do 9/11. According to a local GOP activist, the Paultards threatened to throw Rudy overboard. He eventually “took shelter in the ferry’s pilothouse for the 15-minute journey,” according to the Detroit Free Press. “It was awful,” says the activist, who has no sense of humor. But like we said a minute ago, boats are just bad news for politicians, as the New Yorker reveals in their October 1 issue. Examples include: MORE »

This week, after sorting through your questions on drinking and sex, our Anonymous Hill Staffer had an epiphany: “the Hill is a great place for post-college slackers to conglomerate and do nothing for a few years but drink and get high. Now that’s something Democrats and Republicans can agree on — if that’s not bipartisanshipfulness, I don’t know what is. Staffers on both sides are very pro-inebriation and anti long-term goals.”

So next time you wanna blame your Representative for the whole do-nothing Congress thing, remember that it’s actually his or her staff who are responsible. Snappy answers to your brilliant questions, after the jump.

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* You have to respect hookers. Who else could take a regular oldho hum corruption case and make it really get interesting? This one could get very good, so keep watching — it’ll all be here.
* It’s just wait on see on our old buddy Karl too. All the orange jumpsuit pics will be here once we get ‘um.
* In the category of news that’s not news, but everyone wants to hear anyway, George Clooney spoke at the National Press Club. Swoon, swoon, loving sigh, swoon. Seems also that the light from George’s star burns so bright, it extinguishes other lesser, previously scheduled, stellar formations.
* Scott McCllelan has only been gone for a week and already Bush has a new lamb to lead to slaughter. They say Tony can take it though, that he’s a cool customer and part time rock god, but we’re reserving judgment til an .mp3 comes through. We did get a chance to go see for ourselves that everyone else was more than happy to line up for the gravy train.
* The kickball kids must have been too drunk to talk to reporters, and the non-profiter’s Ultimate league has already gone underground, so the Wall Street Journal (the paper to read if you really want to know what’s going on) put a little piece about Hill softball up on the front page and now all the staffers are a twitter. They’re not really fooling anyone (we already know what’s in the red cups) but the hitting and catching is a nice garnish.
* Don’t think we forgot there’s a huge party tonight. Wonkette’s gonna be there, and we’ll tell you all about it so it’ll be just like you were too.

Yes! We haven’t heard anything interesting about Abramoff in days, Fitzgerald is taking his sweet-ass time, and gas prices are the lamest hot button issue we can think of, so thank god for Duke Cunningham: MORE »

* Want some of Duke’s loot? Here’s your big chance. [AP] MORE »

* Duke Cunningham gets the longest sentence ever given to a congressman: 8 years and 4 months. MORE »

Congrats to Randy “Duke” Cunningham for entering the history books with the longest jail term ever given to a Congressman: 8 years, 4 months. All this for a little graft? It’s getting so a guy can’t make a dishonest living anymore. MORE »