Tag Archives: dubai

  bummer dude

Sad Dubai Bus Driver Tried To Rape Wrong Female Sailor

Sad news for Dubai bus drivers who want to rape their female passengers at knifepoint: sometimes those female passengers will be off-duty United States Navy personnel, and they will fuck your shit up. How is that even fair? The alleged assailant, a 21-year-old Pakistani man in Dubai, tried to kiss the unnamed U.S. sailor, but when she refused, he pulled out a knife and threatened to rape her. The sailor knocked the blade from his hand and broke it in two before locking him between her thighs. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Sorry, let us catch our breath. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Read more on Sad Dubai Bus Driver Tried To Rape Wrong Female Sailor…
  daily briefing

Conan O’Brien Gets Ted Kennedy’s Old Senate Seat Too!

Everyone’s threatening Facebook statuses worked!! NBC will pay Conan O’Brien $33 million dollars, and he can go back home to the television in eight months. [Los Angeles Times] Obama has decided that our country’s commercial banks can’t be as big as they want or trade for their own accounts, which is a thing that’s problematic, because of economics. [New York Times] Read more on Conan O’Brien Gets Ted Kennedy’s Old Senate Seat Too!…
 

Condi: ‘I’m Not Good with Animals’

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! It was a superfun Condiweek, starting off with festive drinks in Dubai and ending with an apparently drunken farewell to an old friend. In between was another OMG SURPRISE! trip to Iraq and a frightening encounter with a dangerous bird. Relive the magic after the jump! Read more on Condi: ‘I’m Not Good with Animals’…
 

Well, Well, Well… It’s the Condibot!

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! The New Year Condidrought is over …. Or is it? Last week got off to a rousing start with a slew of interviews and then climaxed with Our Heroine’s trip to the Middle East with the boss. To a less practiced Condiwatcher, this would indicate a return to business-as-usual for the secretary of state. But I know better: the real Condoleezza Rice is still on vacation. What we’ve been seeing this past week has been the Condibot. Read more on Well, Well, Well… It’s the Condibot!…
 

Cheney Fleeing To Dubai

We’ve all been wondering where Cheney would seek exile, and today the answer was delivered: Dubai. Cheney’s company, Halliburton, is suddenly moving corporate headquarters to the United Arab Emirates state. All the top executives are going to Dubai, which means they’ll be far out of reach of that pesky American Congress. “The oil giant will keep an office in Houston but the posts of chairman, president and chief executive will be based in Dubai,” BBC reports. Disgraced weirdo Micheal Jackson also fled to Dubai to avoid further criminal prosecution in America. Halliburton has been running its illegal operations — such as its oil business in Iran — out of its Dubai offices for years. Read more on Cheney Fleeing To Dubai…
 

Gossip Roundup: Working the NASCAR Vote

Names & Faces: Art Buchwald takes a break … Dallas Austin pardoned in Dubai. [WP] Page Six: Rudy Giuliani shares campaign ambitions with some party-goers, snubs others. [NYP] Daily Dish: Andrew Cuomo gets campaign support from the guy who allegedly ruined his marriage. [NYDN] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Working the NASCAR Vote…
 

Daily Briefing: Pols At the Pump

* The president and lawmakers scramble to gain political advantage as oil companies report record profits; fuel-economy standards may be raised. [WP, NYT, W$J] * Fitzgerald will decide within weeks whether to charge Rove with perjury. [NYT] * FEMA faces storm of criticism but no solution stands out; Bush lends a hand in New Orleans: “There’s lots of progress. There’s still a lot to be done.” [WP, WP, NYT, W$J] * House narrowly passes lobbying reform bill; last-minute deal targets earmarks. [WP, NYT, USAT, W$J] * Bush approves Dubai ownership of nine domestic military plants. [NYT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Pols At the Pump…
 

Remainders: If It’s Not Nailed Down

* If anyone has hijacked Captain America for their own sordid purposes, it isn’t the right-wingers. Loads of muscles, skin-tight outfits… [Total Information Awareness] * Allah Akbar! These warm glazed donuts are delicious! I almost feel bad we must use them to wage jihad on obese Americans. [BoiFromTroy] Read more on Remainders: If It’s Not Nailed Down…
 

Douchebag of the Day: Pierce Bush

Pierce Bush! He’s the super-cool laid-back son of Neil (the black sheep Bush brother), just chillin’, brah, down in Austin, checkin’ out the scene, scorin’ wit’ bitches, knahahmsayin’? 2024’s gonna be a fun year. Read more on Douchebag of the Day: Pierce Bush…
 

Chatology: Fitzgeraldianly Awry

This week’s Sunday shows were best viewed with 20/20 hindsight. Top topics: Dubai ports deal (dead) and the Southern Republican Leadership Conference straw poll (meaningless). This was leavened with some talk of Iraq and a single, lonely reference to Saturday’s Gridiron show. Quotes to live by: • Chris Wallaces curses us out: “Do the Democrats have — pardon the expression — a Newt Gingrich?” • Bill Kristol also has the first Arctic Monkeys seven-inch: “I liked McCain before it was cool for conservatives to like McCain.” • Everyone (except surprise mystery guest Joe Biden) avoids saying they’re running for President, though Huckabee does announce for 2016. • Hospice-bound Art Buchwald stays wry: “I believe in God, but I’m not too certain that the people who are telling me that ‘it’s God’s will’ are the people I want to be listening to.” Full rundown after the jump. Read more on Chatology: Fitzgeraldianly Awry…
 

Wonkette’s Week In Review: Why Are You Reading This? Haven’t You Looked Outside Today?

* Oh, the fun we have! Chris Matthews’ friends laughed at Kim Eisler, then Wonkette’s friends laughed at Chris Matthews’ stationery. * But no one laughed at Jack Kingston’s attempt to cop some street cred. * Ports, Ports, Ports. * Having saved David Gregory’s job, we are expecting to be the next recipient of one of his giggly drunk international calls. It’s only fair, Dave. * We witnessed the all-too-soon end of Take Your Legislator To Lunch day. To everyone’s disappointment. * Wolf met Jack, and it looks like we made it through the post without a Brokeback Mountain joke! Good work all, drinks all around. * We called Pat Roberts, and he didn’t seem particularly happy to hear from us. Sometimes we just think funny things… * They may not be able to convince the International Community that they’re a responsible governing body, but Hamas has convinced 10-year-old girls across the world that martyrs are totally cute. * Ex-prostitute Tom Malin is not an ex-gay ex-prostitute. He is also, unfortunately, not a Texas State Representative. * We got drunk at the Press Club! With bloggers! Which son do you think Mrs. Reed is prouder of: Lou, or the one who edits that libertarian magazine? * Is the military censoring Wonkette? Not exactly, unless you have a pretty liberal definition of “censoring.” But someone doesn’t like us, that’s for sure. * The State Department is, apparently, a hotbed of bitchy gossip and infighting. Obviously, we’ll be much more interested in it from here on out. U.S. Ambassador to Sudan: “Where’s your prophet now?” * Is it just us, or were there like fifty identical poll results released this week that were all treated as breaking news? Anyway, we just liked the ones that came with graphics. Read more on Wonkette’s Week In Review: Why Are You Reading This? Haven’t You Looked Outside Today?…
 

The Exquisite Disillusionment of Pierce Bush

President Bush’s nephew Pierce, recently took to the letters page of the Houston Chronicle to offer his uncle a measure of support on the Dubai ports matter. Yesterday, in a telephone interview with the Chronicle, Bush related his reasoning for leaving Georgetown University for the relatively removed environment of UT-Austin. Read more on The Exquisite Disillusionment of Pierce Bush…
 

The Dubai Denouement

Well, the furor over the Dubai ports deal has officially climaxed, leaving President Bush aggrieved and the Sergeant-At-Arms of the Senate still cleaning the lectern of the spooge of righteous indignation. The story is now on its way to Sunday morning for pundits of all stripes to pick over its corpse. Read more on The Dubai Denouement…
 

The Ecstasy of Saint Dobbs

OMG! OMG! Lou Dobbs is on TV right now, talking about how the Congress shut down the ports deal and he’s so totally cute that I just want to put him in my pocket! His idealism is all alit and he’s pumping his fists and he’s trying to get Kyra Phillips to hop on the new day in America train with him. Read more on The Ecstasy of Saint Dobbs…
 

Daily Briefing: Pants on Fire

* House Appropriations Committee votes overwhelmingly to block Dubai ports deal; measure was attached to war spending bill. [WP] * For Republican lawmakers, “political considerations” trump loyalty to Bush over port deal and, to a lesser extent, eavesdropping. Rep. Roy Blunt (R-MO): “If there was ever a good time for Congress to figure out oversight, it would be in the sixth year of a presidency.” [NYT] * Senate compromise would permit eavesdropping on Americans without court warrant; administration would have 45 days to prove individual cases. [NYT] * Bush accuses Congress of underfunding Gulf Coast reconstruction: “Congress heard our message about improving the levees, but they shortchanged the process by about $1.5 billion.” [WP, NYT] * Senators agree to reject meals and gifts from lobbyists. [WP, NYT] * Jack Abramoff to Vanity Fair: “Any important Republican who comes out and says they didn’t know me is almost certainly lying.” [NYT] * Senate Republicans try to trim Bush‘s spending requests for defense and foreign aid. [W$J] * South Dakota expected to start trend of states rethinking abortion rights; nine others are moving to limit the procedure. [W$J] * Michael Chertoff looks for the high road as others point fingers of blame — and some directly at him. [NYT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Pants on Fire…
 

Daily Briefing: Political Hot Potato

* House Republicans set vote on Dubai port deal for next week despite White House resistance. House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio): “This has become a very hot political potato.” [WP, NYT] * Military spending for Iraq and Afghanistan will reach $117.6b this fiscal year. [W$J] * Harold Ickes, with George Soros, are sidestepping the DNC to create a massive nationwide voter list. Ickes: “The Republicans have developed a cadre of people who appreciate databases and know how to use them, and we are way behind the march.” [WP] * Congress renews Patriot Act by vote of 280 to 138. [WP, NYT] * Senate Select Committee on Intelligence rejects Democratic calls for inquiry of NSA eavesdropping; White House agrees to new oversight rules. [WP, NYT, W$J] * The CIA is not interested in cooperating with the Libby investigation by providing classified documents. [WP, NYT] * Sen. Clinton moves to tie up money and talent for ’08 race. [NYT] * Cato Institutes vents beef with Bush. [WP] * Rep. DeLay wins Republican primary in Texas. [AP] Read more on Daily Briefing: Political Hot Potato…
 

Introducing: Cartoon Violence

Is the cartoon riot thing over yet? We don’t remember hearing about it this week at all. That’s always a good sign, right? Good work Hitch and Sully! We do hope that episode ended, or fizzled out, or whatever. ‘Cause we don’t think people should be blowing up Danes, sure, but also because we want to go back to the world where no one gave a shit about cartoons. The world of, like two months ago. When editorial cartoonists, secure in their obscurity, could repeat the jokes they stole from 1950’s Herblock cartoons with crosshatching and textual labeling of strained metaphors straight outta vintage Thomas Nast. We miss that innocent time. And so does our buddy the Comics Curmudgeon. CC’s been blogging about daily, non-political comics for a while now, so we asked him to take the impressive skills he’s developed as America’s Premier Comic Strip Mocker and train them on the political cartoonists of our nation’s newspapers. His analysis is after the jump. Read more on Introducing: Cartoon Violence…
 

Daily Briefing: Let’s Go to the Tape

* Video shows Bush was warned about the potential for a levee breach, despite denials after the fact: “Was the president misinformed, misspoken or misleading?” [WP, USAT] * Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco hesitantly told Bush that the levees were safe on the morning of Aug. 29th. [AP] * U.S. and India announce deal for nuclear cooperation, for energy and weapons; “new plan would allow India enough fissile material for as many as 50 weapons a year.” [WP, NYT, W$J] * Senate passes renewal of the Patriot Act by vote of 89 to 10. [NYT] * 54% disapprove of Bush‘s handling of the war on terrorism and 64% say the country is on the wrong track, according to LAT-Bloomberg poll; findings echo new Gallup poll. [LAT, Bloomberg, USAT] * Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.), chairman of the House Armed Services Committee,vows to stop Dubai port deal. [WP, W$J] Read more on Daily Briefing: Let’s Go to the Tape…
 

Gossip Roundup: Smoke ’em If You Got ’em

* Reliable Source: J. Robert Oppenheimer biographers try to get his reputation restored, but reopening of case is nixed by judge’s son … Oscar Predictions: “Andrew Sullivan… pegs… Philip Seymour Hoffman….” (quote edited for hilarity). [WP] * Under the Dome: Silvio Berlusconi gets an enthusiastic reception from Italian-American Congressmen, including Pat Leahy, who is a “Grand Official of the Republic of Italy” … Bottles of Pepto-Bismol sent to members of Congress by group protesting changes in state food-safety laws … Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX) makes rhetorical leap from Thomas Edison to criticism of ports deal. … Congress about to let smoking ban pass. [The Hill] * Lloyd Grove: Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) bashes Ports deal. Her husband Bill, meanwhile, praises Dubai as an “ally,” may have a financial stake in seeing them get the deal. [NYDN] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Smoke ’em If You Got ’em…
 

Daily Briefing: Just a Moment

* Republicans are breaking with Bush over homeland security issues, once thought to be his chief selling point. Senior White House official: “We’ve got a period of time when the news that’s dominating the headlines is not good and some Republicans are going to feel free to distance themselves from the president, but at the end of the day, I don’t think the breach is deep or lasting because this is the president’s strong suit. I think it’s about this moment in time. I don’t think it’s fundamental.” [WP, NYT, WT] * Gonzales implies that warrant-less eavesdropping is more widespread than Bush suggested. [WP] * Supreme Court justices “seemed aware of stepping into an epic soap opera” starring Anna Nicole Smith; Chief Justice John Roberts mentions the “substantial amount of assets” involved. [WP, USAT] * Administration officials “could find no shelter” from questions about Dubai port deal. [WP] * Bush stands by port deal on principle. [WP, NYT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Just a Moment…
 

Chatology: No News Is… No News

This week’s Chatology is abbreviated due to illness on the part of the author and TOTAL FUCKING LACK OF NEWS. You thought circle jerking to the tune of “Cheney’s Got a Gun” was boring — at least people could feign some kind of disagreement over it. The Port World of Dubai deal sets up a debate between those who think the deal should definitely go through and those who think that it should go through after 45 days. Mean people suck. Ice cream is good. Also, Joe Biden was on. Read more on Chatology: No News Is… No News…