Wonkette

Teevee terrorism-stopper and real-life drunkard Kiefer Sutherland was arrested this morning for drunken driving in Los Angeles. Never forget! [Yahoo/AP]

Gavin Newsom is San Francisco’s smarmily handsome alcoholic cult-leader mayor who fucks the wives of his best friends and generally acts like a douchesack, but at least he killed most of the homeless so you can now walk around for half a block without being assaulted by a legless drug addict spewing diarrhea in the street. Anyway, enjoy our latest Nadine and his careful critique of the Newsom Administration. MORE »

Albert “Al” Gore Junior, Jr. — the black sheep of the over-achieving Family Gore — apparently pled guilty to have marijuana and some unprescribed prescription pills with him while setting the new land-speed record for a stupid Prius. But because he’s a rich white kid, the judge says Gore can actually withdraw the plea and just go to rehab for a while. So he can come back and be “sentenced” in February and all will be forgiven. Yay, justice for the elite! MORE »

Is NASA trying to cause as many terrible space disasters as they can? First, we learned NASA is letting all the astronauts drunk-drive whenever they feel like it. An independent panel found at least two occasions on which space adventurers were allowed to fly despite being totally wasted. The panel was convened after crazy astronaut Lisa Nowak drove to Orlando in space-diapers to kill her astronaut boyfriend’s girlfriend. Which is crazier, yes, but somehow it makes a little more sense than letting space jockeys throw back a few space-cocktails before getting behind the throttle of their Space Shuttles. Now comes this confusing outrage. MORE »

WHICH National Review Online contributor was spotted, in the words of a Wonkette Operative…

in the Pour House last night throwing up in the middle of the goddamned barroom.

Here’s a hint: he is a douchebag.

Guess who else is a drunky driver? The 45-year-old daughter of Supreme Court Justice and heterosexual ass-fucking activist Antonin Scalia, that’s who! MORE »

In 2004, Minneapolis’ KMSP aired one of the most entertaining news stories we’ve ever had the pleasure to see: a hidden-camera expose of alcohol at the Minnesota State Capitol. Towards the end of the session, in the middle of a lovely May, they recorded the tail end of a great party: MORE »

Hey everybody, Captain America wasn’t shot dead after all! He’s totally alive, and also in jail for drunkenly fondling some gal at a bar in Florida.

Watch America’s corpse get defiled again, after the jump.

MORE »

UPDATE: Oh great, now our operative says “WRONG GAVIN!” Is there another Gavin we should be concerned about? Who? Local journalist Patrick Gavin? Jeez, this post is no longer at all interesting. MORE »

* Nancy Pelosi’s womb is advancing the gay agenda, one disco-ball fetus at a time. [Shakespeare's Sister]
* Best laid espionage plans are always stolen from movies — Iran got invaded last night while Bush droned. [Intoxination]
* Attendance at DC peace march planned for later this month will benefit from increased anger with war, suffer from lack of Thievery Corporation. [Blondesense]
* Bob Ney blames corruption on that damn Wild Turkey; she’s a lover you can’t tame. [TPM Muckraker]
* Rush Limbaugh loves paying for pussy. [The Political Pit Bull]
* Bob Barr can’t get enough of the fromundah cheese. [Hit & Run]
* Everyone hates Jimmy Carter. [Little Green Footballs]