Tag Archives: drunk driving

  This is not gender transcendence

Tennessee Says Don’t Drive Drunk, And Don’t Go Home With That Ugly Bitch Either

The state of Tennessee needs you to know these are total wildebeests.
Sup, bros? You drunk? Well, if you are drunk and you are in Tennessee, the Governor’s Highway Safety Office has an important message for you! First off, don’t drive drunk. And also, that bitch you are talking to is not going to be pretty when you wake up next to her in the morning, so don’t fuck her, bro: Read more on Tennessee Says Don’t Drive Drunk, And Don’t Go Home With That Ugly Bitch Either…
  Again? Yes again

Rand Paul’s Jerk Son Just Can’t Stop Getting Arrested For Drunken Hijinks!

William's on a first-name basis with the law now
Rand Paul’s son, Young Master William Hilton Heir of Rand And Ron Paul, has a bit of a problem. He just can’t stop getting drunk when he is not supposed to. Like, when he is underage. Or driving a vehicle (which is not evenly properly insured, but pfffft, the Paul family thinks mandatory insurance is bullshit anyway): Read more on Rand Paul’s Jerk Son Just Can’t Stop Getting Arrested For Drunken Hijinks!…
  in his majesty’s secret service … chug chug chug!

Secret Service Bros Drunk Drive Into White House Barricades. Party On!

Have you ever wondered, when they’re not scoring those sweet, sweet South American hookers or being generally incompetent, what Secret Service agents do for fun? Sure you have. Well, it turns out they behave just like the rest of us — at least, like the rest of us did when we were drug-addled, brain-dead college freshman. Read more on Secret Service Bros Drunk Drive Into White House Barricades. Party On!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Not-Racist Mississippi Gent Very Sorry Now For All That Not-Racism

According to his notes, he's very sorry now
Hooray, we have defeated racism once again! It seems like it was just days ago that Mississippi state Rep. Gene Alday (R-Even Though Democrats Are The REAL Racists) was still trying to justify his charming reflections on coming “from a town where all the blacks are getting food stamps and what I call ‘welfare crazy checks.'” Oh right! That’s because it was on Monday, of this very same week, that he said those comments were supposed to be “off the record.” Plus, the reporter who’d cornered him into saying that stuff had called him “late at night,” and everyone knows how easily racism rolls right off the tongue after sundown. Not that it was racism, mind you, because as Alday was insisting up until a second ago, “I didn’t do anything wrong. The guy made me look like a fool.” So, per the standard procedure of Racist Dude Says Racist Thing, after “out of context” and “I’m not sorry cuz I didn’t do nothin’ wrong,” we have the sincere and very credible apology: Read more on Not-Racist Mississippi Gent Very Sorry Now For All That Not-Racism…
  Nearly was An Also-Ran

What Happened To The ‘Gays Cause Autism’ Lady? Your Fringe Candidate Roundup!

There's always 2016...
We know what you’re thinking. “Did the bizarro Illinois lady who said that autism, dementia, and tornados are God’s punishment for abortions and ghey marriage actually get elected to Congress?” This being the kind of election year that brought Joni Ernst and James Lankford to the Senate, you’ve got to ask yourselves: “Do I even want to know?” Well, do ya, punks? Let’s just see what happened to some of the more… colorful candidates last week (mostly, the color is red with vein-bursting rage). Read more on What Happened To The ‘Gays Cause Autism’ Lady? Your Fringe Candidate Roundup!…
  legally incapacitated

Drinky McDrunkerson Minnesota Supreme Court Candidate Utterly Incapable Of Obeying The Law

Remember how the good people of the Minnesota Republican Party endorsed Michelle MacDonald as their Supreme Court candidate, presumably because she believes in the Bible pretty much more than anything else, which is just what you want from your judges? But then she forgot to mention that teeny-tiny little problem where she ALLEGEDLY WE SAID ALLEGEDLY drove drunk, refused a breathalyzer, resisted arrest, and is facing trial for that hat trick of stupid? But it’s cool, because she shouldn’t even have to go to trial, because she’s innocent, and it’s just a waste of time to try innocent people. See? Isn’t it clear this lady has an excellent grasp of how the law works? Read more on Drinky McDrunkerson Minnesota Supreme Court Candidate Utterly Incapable Of Obeying The Law…
  make a run for the border

Florida Rep. ‘Dane Eagle’ Arrested For Drunken Fratty 2 A.M. Taco Bell Run

Raise your hand if you have ever been to Taco Bell at 2 a.m., drunk. All of you, just like we thought. It’s kind of required if you read our mommy/warblog. Now raise your hand if you have ever been arrested at a Taco Bell. Oh, just you South Florida GOP state Representative Dane Eagle, whose manly name of ubermenschenpatriotism we kind of can’t get over yet? Do let us hear more. Read more on Florida Rep. ‘Dane Eagle’ Arrested For Drunken Fratty 2 A.M. Taco Bell Run…
  our american nephew

Obama Did A Lie About Kenyans

Drudge Sirens Panic Where’s the birth sertifikate INNPEACH!!! It appears that B. Hussein Obama, the alleged “President of the United States,” lied through his teeth in 2011 when someone other than Barack Obama said that Barack Obama had never met his Kenyan uncle. Confused? Well then, become enlightened, via the Boston Globe: President Obama acknowledged on Thursday that he lived with his Kenyan uncle for a brief period in the 1980s while preparing to attend Harvard Law School, contradicting a statement more than a year ago that the White House had no record of the two ever meeting … On Thursday, a White House official said the press office had not fully researched the relationship between the president and his uncle before telling the Globe that they had no record of the two meeting. This time, the press office asked the president directly, which they had not done in 2011. Likely story. If they didn’t “fully research” it then, then how is it that Barack Obama remembers it NOW, when they directly asked him, hennggh? Why didn’t Barack Obama correct the record the minute he read the press office’s denial two years ago, which he had to have been aware of, because surely he keeps track of all White House press contacts? What kind of weird cover-up is going on here? Will we ever see Barack Obama’s college transcripts? Who is this man, anyway, and has anyone even thought about looking into his background a little bit? Where was Obama’s uncle the night of Benghazi? Read more on Obama Did A Lie About Kenyans…
  kochsuckers

Herman Cain’s Illegal Immigration Platform: Fry Them All To Death

There is so much insane information about Herman Cain floating around right now that we do not even know where to start! Herman Cain is pro-drunk driving, Herman Cain is just a Satanic lab experiment developed by the Koch brothers… oh fine, let’s go with the most ludicrously bloodthirsty quote, the one about Herman Cain’s plan to Deal With Immigration. Easy enough! Just zap the illegal alien fuckers to death with an electrified border wall: “It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’” What a nice way to decorate America’s border, with charred Mexicans hanging over the entrance! (The bodies must be left up there as a deterrent, obviously.) “Teabagger mistletoe” is what we can call it. And what if this still miraculously doesn’t keep them away? Read more on Herman Cain’s Illegal Immigration Platform: Fry Them All To Death… Read more on Herman Cain’s Illegal Immigration Platform: Fry Them All To Death…
  justice in our time

Steve King Invites Obama’s Drunk Uncle To Party With Congress

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com The entire illegal Kenyan Obama family is just running around the U.S. drunk as sailors, or maybe Somali pirates, because they are African. The rest of us might be willing to sit back and watch this Once Great Nation collapse because of it, but not Iowa-Approved Grim Reaper Steve King, who would like to bring Obama’s drunk uncle before Congress, maybe so everyone can share hilarious drunk driving stories. Here he is, like that muppet who lives in a trash can, cackling about how awful everything is, and why it is Obama’s uncle’s fault. Read more on Steve King Invites Obama’s Drunk Uncle To Party With Congress…
  republican family values

Wisconsin GOP Lady Pol Proves Drunk Driving Not Just For Male GOPers

Who says the GOP guys’ team gets to have all the DUI arrest fun these days? That is sexist of them. It’s not like Republican women aren’t also “pro-family values” sometimes, too! See, here we go: Amber Hahn is was a Wisconsin county GOP chair who went on Fox News not long ago to pose as a “random concerned parent” full of Panic and Outrage over the dangerous “pro-union propaganda” teaching of labor union history in public schools. Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car. That’s a little bit terrifying and hypocritical, you might say! Eh, here is the thing about a “family values” politician, tho: danger to children only exists if it is utterly fictional. Real Danger does not count. Read more on Wisconsin GOP Lady Pol Proves Drunk Driving Not Just For Male GOPers…
  republican family values

Yet Another Pro-Life Ohio Lawmaker Charged With Drunk Driving

Hey, Ohio! From now on it seems, odds are pretty good that the maniac driving like a sloshed fool down the state highway is one of your elected representatives. And don’t ask him why he isn’t wearing a shirt. He’s not wearing a shirt because he’s sweaty, obviously there is a heat wave everyone, which also means as a big fat corollary that it’s not cool for him to get out of his car because he, your elected lawmaker, is too modest to appear on the police cruiser dash cam. What kind of state trooper doesn’t understand that? Ohio Rep. Jarrod Martin would like to know, because a state trooper just cited him for drunk driving after Martin refused to get out of his vehicle to take the sobriety test on these very grounds. That’s excellent logic! What other weird arguments has Rep. Jarrod Martin used lately? Perhaps he believes forced birth is a good idea for American women to help the U.S. compete with China’s population? Read more on Yet Another Pro-Life Ohio Lawmaker Charged With Drunk Driving…
  republican family values

Ohio GOP Lawmaker Celebrates Being Pro-Life By Driving Drunk

Republican “moral math” alert! Ohio state representative Robert Mecklenborg was arrested for driving around drunk on an Indiana state highway, which is sort of an “anti-life” thing to do, you might say. But just a few days ago, he also voted for the Fetal Heartbeat Bill, one of those fake “pro-life” thingies that Republicans love. Do they cancel each other out? Mecklenborg thought so, as he failed to tell anyone at the Ohio Statehouse about his arrest.  Mecklenborg was also – hey hey! – full of Viagra and accompanied by a lady, presumably on a little super-sanctified sexytime trip to make their own angry fetus. That’s worth a few very literal “pro-life” points! So whatever, Mecklenborg is still against death on balance, why should anyone care?  Read more on Ohio GOP Lawmaker Celebrates Being Pro-Life By Driving Drunk…
  killing people is okay when we do it

Montana Legislator Wearing Dumb Tie Decries Drunk Driving Laws

(To be fair, everyone in the Montana legislature is wearing a stupid tie. But c’mon, look at that thing.) Drunk driving is a way of life in Montana, and bars can only survive if they get their patrons drunk enough to go out and kill people? Yeah, sounds about right. [Youtube] Read more on Montana Legislator Wearing Dumb Tie Decries Drunk Driving Laws…