So, back in March, the nice shirtless gentleman you see here, one Michael Smith, 41, of Norridgewock, Maine, made the “weird news” features when a tree-removal crew called police because they were frightened of the strange man yelling at them with a “gun” tucked into his waistband — and as you can see, the gun […]

What’s up with the GOP and substance abuse these days? First there was the “cocaine Congressman” from Florida, and then the drunk-driving Taco Bell state representative, also from Florida. Apparently Oklahoma has a big SAD about not getting enough attention, so former GOP party chief Chad Alexander played the role of spoiled child and screamed […]

What up, sluts? You busy popping those sweet Obamacare slut pills so you can slut so hard? Well, you may want to take a quick break from slutting to review this Very Important Public Service Announcement to Sluts from the Metro Police of Las Vegas, who sponsored what sounds like a super-fun Saturday night party […]

While we generally are in favor of moral degenerates here at Wonkette — we know our audience, after all — we would be much happier to think that, if we have to have nuclear missile silos at all (couldn’t we just convert them to organic hemp farms?), then the men and women staffing them should […]

Well, here is some happy news for 2014. The GOP is losing another battle in one of it’s ongoing wars. Are we talking about the war on women? No. How about the war on health care? Nope. War on Christmas? No, not that war either (we know — so many wars to keep track of). […]

So here’s some high-octane Nightmare Fuel — you may want to remove any kids from the room before viewing — from something calling itself “St. Mary’s At Large.” The ad’s producers claim it has been airing on MSNBC and Fox News in the New York/New Jersey region. In it, a vaguely Burl-Ives-ish voice intones, “This […]

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted today that he actually has smoked crack cocaine, as it turns out. Probably just slipped his mind. After a rather bizarre set-up — “You asked me a question back in May, and you can repeat that question” — Ford told reporters, “Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine. I am an addict? […]

Welcome, one and all, to another edition of Derp Roundup, where we smoosh up a bunch of stuff that fell to the floor of the Wonket Sekrit Chatcave that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that didn’t quite rise to the level of full-length Wonkenpost. This being the traditional feast month of Cocktober, we […]

We are trying to read this CNN article about IMPEACH HILLARY’S BENGHINA!!!1! and it is just not making any sense to us. Here’s what we’ve got so far: There’s an as-yet unnamed whistle-blower (non-fame-whore variety, maybe) “who is a former senior inspector general investigator.” This person has retained a lawyer. This lawyer has shown CNN […]

It took a while, sure, but the Marion Berry copycats are suddenly coming out in droves! (They are just really really slow copycats because of their drug-induced torpor.) That is, if two counts as “droves,” and we figure fuck it, because that’s easily enough examples for a New York Times trend piece. So here’s the […]

Why is that cop putting on rubber gloves and coming towards me, you might be wondering next time you are pulled over for littering and live in Texas and see a cop coming towards you wearing rubber gloves. Oh THAT, don’t worry about that, just close your eyes and think of England! This is what […]

You guys, Lindsay Lohan just does NOT know what to do about this whole “presidential race” thing, and it is seriously stressing her out! Earlier this month chronically underemployed former child star Lindsay Lohan said she was supporting Mitt Romney because “employment is really important right now,” but Politico reports that on Monday she retweeted […]

We have decided, without any evidence whatsoever (SOUND FAMILIAR?), that this story about Barack Obama being a total black drug dealer is the one Donald Trump is October Surprising tomorrow. How do we know this? WE DO NOT. But it does say “Trumped-Up Charges” right there in Radar’s headline, and that is what we in […]

The Washington Free Beacon lists the five most amazingly Romney-endorsing “celebrities” of the 2012 cycle, and let me tell you, guys, these people are all somehow still alive, probably. 1. Lindsay Lohan The “Mean Girls” star and all-around party girl recently announced that she was voting for Romney. “I just think employment is really important […]

Can you find Jeff Spicoli in this picture? Have they already smoked their marijuana, or are they preparing to smoke their marijuana? Did they smoke two joints before they smoked two joints? Will they smoke two INTERCEPTED! In the meantime, aw man, doesn’t this take you back? All that’s missing is someone’s mom to drive […]