drugs
Hey Drug War, what’s new? Lock up any first-time-offender grannies who had no idea they were participating in a drug-mule operation between Messico and Tejas? You did? Awesome. For how long? Forever? Well it is ABOUT TIME! Good job, Drug War! And also, super-good-job, jury! We will no longer be under siege from the insidious [...]
Minnesota State Patrol had a great idea, seeing as they are bored and hate everyone, particularly Occupy protesters? The Occupy protesters are just hanging around the central location of Peavey Plaza, causing problems, wasting cardboard, not getting jobs, so in lieu of beating them with a stick, the police department decided it would work better [...]
According to his colleagues there is a Democrat out there in the desert and he is fucking pissed! It isn’t his evil Democrat ways of spreading free condoms to children and defecating on Catholic churches’ doorsteps that has them spooked. It’s his anger. By now conservatives are used to dealing with the arsenal of liberal [...]
Do you see that lady? She is Nadia Lockyer, Alameda County, California, supervisor. Do you see that man? That is her husband, California state Treasurer Bill Lockyer. We know, right? So you could maybe understand why she has been having (allegedly) meth-feuled sex-tape sexytime with some dude she met in rehab (because of course), and [...]
In another failed attempt to have a Serious Discussion about things that allegedly matter to the American people, like the invisibility of jobs, the mirage-like appearance of money and the light-as-air noggins of the land’s lawmakers, the White House held a contest to see which American person-submitted questions President Obama should answer in a YouTube [...]
A trade group representing Japanese fishermen (see: scummy fish union) has called TEPCO — the company that owns the nuclear power plant that is currently exploding — incompetent and “unforgivable.” Specifically, the group is less than thrilled about Tokyo Electric and the Japanese government deciding to dump 11,500 tons of radioactive water into the Pacific [...]
Libyan security forces killed at least twenty-four protesters during yesterday’s Day of Rage, according to Human Rights Watch. (HRW has also confirmed that Moammar Gadhafi “likes it in the cornhole.”) Demonstrations were held in Tripoli as well as several other cities, with some protests continuing into Friday morning. And in a hilarious attempt to conceal [...]
U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer of New York says he wants the federal government to ban new designer drugs known as bath salts that pack as much punch as cocaine or methamphetamines. Yes, bath salts, the Christmas present your mom receives from the sister she doesn’t like, is a DESIGNER DRUG. Designed to make your mom [...]
A new study published by Limey scientist-types suggests that alcohol is more dangerous and destructive than heroin! Ha ha, so next time you are drinking alone in your room and mutter “at least I don’t inject opiates between my toes or in my eyeballs,” an Englishman will parachute through your window and then explain — [...]
“Drug czar” Gil Kerlikowske is the saddest man in America. First he can’t wage a write-in campaign for U.S. Senate in Alaska because his name is even more difficult to spell than that of Lisa Murkowski. And now, on his watch, we’re legalizing Mary Jane! Poor guy has apparently been driven off the wagon. The [...]
Some bigshot federal judge in Atlanta has been living the old man’s American Dream! Courthouse News reports: ATLANTA (CN) – A longtime federal judge was arrested and charged with using cocaine and marijuana with a stripper, allegedly while he met to pay her for sex. An FBI agent said in an affidavit that she had [...]
Did you know that Mexicans won their “independence” 200 years ago, and their “democracy” 100 years ago? And they even have a “president,” Felipe Calderon, who lost the 2006 election by 1.5 million votes but still “won” it very narrowly. ¡Viva México Mágico! Anyway, Messicans are not very happy about their upcoming bicentennial celebrations — [...]
You might recall that Tim Pawlenty distinguished himself this week by turning down federal sex-ed money and then money for health care for children. You probably think that this is just because Tim Pawlenty loves the thought of Minnesota’s young people catching sex diseases and then not being able to cure them, because they don’t [...]
