drugs
In another failed attempt to have a Serious Discussion about things that allegedly matter to the American people, like the invisibility of jobs, the mirage-like appearance of money and the light-as-air noggins of the land’s lawmakers, the White House held a contest to see which American person-submitted questions President Obama should answer in a YouTube [...]
A trade group representing Japanese fishermen (see: scummy fish union) has called TEPCO — the company that owns the nuclear power plant that is currently exploding — incompetent and “unforgivable.” Specifically, the group is less than thrilled about Tokyo Electric and the Japanese government deciding to dump 11,500 tons of radioactive water into the Pacific [...]
Libyan security forces killed at least twenty-four protesters during yesterday’s Day of Rage, according to Human Rights Watch. (HRW has also confirmed that Moammar Gadhafi “likes it in the cornhole.”) Demonstrations were held in Tripoli as well as several other cities, with some protests continuing into Friday morning. And in a hilarious attempt to conceal [...]
U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer of New York says he wants the federal government to ban new designer drugs known as bath salts that pack as much punch as cocaine or methamphetamines. Yes, bath salts, the Christmas present your mom receives from the sister she doesn’t like, is a DESIGNER DRUG. Designed to make your mom [...]
A new study published by Limey scientist-types suggests that alcohol is more dangerous and destructive than heroin! Ha ha, so next time you are drinking alone in your room and mutter “at least I don’t inject opiates between my toes or in my eyeballs,” an Englishman will parachute through your window and then explain — [...]
“Drug czar” Gil Kerlikowske is the saddest man in America. First he can’t wage a write-in campaign for U.S. Senate in Alaska because his name is even more difficult to spell than that of Lisa Murkowski. And now, on his watch, we’re legalizing Mary Jane! Poor guy has apparently been driven off the wagon. The [...]
Some bigshot federal judge in Atlanta has been living the old man’s American Dream! Courthouse News reports: ATLANTA (CN) – A longtime federal judge was arrested and charged with using cocaine and marijuana with a stripper, allegedly while he met to pay her for sex. An FBI agent said in an affidavit that she had [...]
Did you know that Mexicans won their “independence” 200 years ago, and their “democracy” 100 years ago? And they even have a “president,” Felipe Calderon, who lost the 2006 election by 1.5 million votes but still “won” it very narrowly. ¡Viva México Mágico! Anyway, Messicans are not very happy about their upcoming bicentennial celebrations — [...]
You might recall that Tim Pawlenty distinguished himself this week by turning down federal sex-ed money and then money for health care for children. You probably think that this is just because Tim Pawlenty loves the thought of Minnesota’s young people catching sex diseases and then not being able to cure them, because they don’t [...]
Colorado gubernatorial candidate and United Nations bicycle conspiracy whistleblower Dan Maes will win the War on Drugs, because he is a former undercover police officer who knows how to drug-raid the wrong house and then shoot the evil drug dealer/harmless old man’s violent pit bull/miniature poodle. (When Dan Maes is governor the first thing he [...]
It’s a well-known fact that this blog is so mean to Rand Paul, all the time, mostly because we feel no obligation to be particularly fair or even-handed to anyone, especially when they are constantly hilarious, as Rand Paul is. Still, every once in a while your editor feels a contrarian urge to keep out [...]
Goody Ayn ingested a potent dose of peyote in our last episode of Ayn’s Ultimate High-Times Comic. This episode follows her spiritual journey and is sure to harsh your mellow, stoned readers.
Some radio producer lady who used to be on the liberal smear forum JournoList has apologized for once writing there that if she saw national treasure Rush Limbaugh having a heart attack she would “laugh loudly like a maniac and watch his eyes bug out.” No one is more appalled by this disgusting talk than [...]
Remember Laura Bush, America’s onetime librarian sweetheart and wife to the nominal head of the most appalling administration in U.S. history? Turns out she’s written a massive memoir titled Spoken From the Heart (because that’s what these political memoirists do: write from the heart, by speaking from it). We figured that a Laura Bush memoir [...]
