Oh everyone look at Matt Drudge’s new failing meme: Obama, he’s so skinny right?, because of the exercise and the oversized t-shirts he likes to wear while exercising. Wrong. He is definitely chain smoking and throwing up all the low-calorie food he isn’t eating, and definitely not simply working out, as he is pictured doing in the photo accompanying Drudge’s story. [Drudge Report, image via The Awl]

Finally, we have an Arts Writer to tell us what that weird “SOCIALISMS & BARACK OBAMA AS HEATH LEDGER’S JOKER” poster means. We would summarize, but the article is nearly 1,000 words long! Read it and find out! Or click the clicky to find out what two of your editors thought of the poster in a secret high-level editorial discussion on Monday. MORE »

• High-frequency trading? Goldman Sachs? Ball’s in your court, Taibbi. [Matt Yglesias]
• “You Want Context? Drudge Will Give You Context.” And brain herpes! [Weekly Standard]
• Joe Biden is such a golly liberal fascist, according to liberal fascist experts. [USA Today]
• The best part of RedState’s furry convention was when Liz Cheney gave everyone an enormous boner — as stiff as a starched collar! Who could resist doe-eyed Liz in that delicious panda bear suit? So soft. [RedState]
• Sean Hannity is now a Texas Kentucky Colonel. [Think Progress]
• CNN took one look at the ad Media Matters wanted to air and said, “What is this? You are not selling pills or automobiles? NO. This will not do. Air your facts on Fox.” [TPM]

• Obama ‘N Friends have themselves a fleet of hybrid Fords. Even David Plouffe, the greatest threat facing American inboxes, gets something called a Fusion Hybrid. [AMERICAblog]
• In exchange for paying off Mark Penn’s formidable annual adult website membership dues, Hillary Clinton will allow you to rent any of the following: Bill Clinton, Paul Begala, James Carville. [Gawker]
• American President Rush Limbaugh told Internet President Matt Drudge to “disappear”—for reasons of self-preservation, presumably, but the self-preservation of whom? Verily, a mystery! [Daily Intel]
• Actual Esquire centerfold Cass Sunstein can now add another bullet-point to his resume: head of the Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs. [Ezra Klein]
• John McCain, the famed McCain Senatorette, is demanding the White House personally apologize to him for communistically exploring the psychological state of soldiers returning from Afghanistan. [CNN Political Ticker]

The New Republic’s Gabriel Sherman has a lovely new story out about the dystopian hell chamber that is the Politico newsroom. The snarling, leprous leadership of Jim VandeHei and John Harris (a.k.a. “VandeHarris,” or simply, “AnusHair”) greets its intrepid blog reporters each morning at 5:30 a.m. with a hot shower of molten lava, followed by a threat to feed them to the rabid, one-eyed Beast of Ancient Times (held in an office storage pod in Manassas) if they do not get a Drudge link by 11 a.m. “SMITH, BEN SSSMITHHHH,” the death demon VandeHarris roars, spittle flying from its mouth, before slithering back to its dungeon for a breakfast of live rats, copper shavings, and ostrich blood. “YOU MUST WIN THE MORNING… A GUEST SLOT ON HARDBALL COMPELS YOU…” MORE »

Ha ha, remember after the 2004 elections people emailed each other maps showing the sane parts of America getting absorbed into Canada and the rest turning into a squalid nation of Cheetos-addicted wingnuts called Jesusland? A Russian “expert” has now reached a similar conclusion about America — that we are doomed to decline and a dissolution of the union in the near future. Like, by spring. (Oh, and Russia gets Alaska back! Bonus.) MORE »

A local liberal media elitist on the HillaryClinton.com mailing list send us this curious message. Hillary’s official email says “Hussein Obama” is a “muslim,” oh noes! Breitbart.tv is the conservative news portal beloved by Matt Drudge and other Hillary Clinton supporters. The Clinton people say they “don’t know what’s going on” but are aware that somebody has been messing with their email, for larfs. UPDATE: MORE »

• ‘OH DON’T WORRY OBAMA WILL WIN IN LANDSLIDE’ Here is the new way McCain will win: Plant a bunch of “Obama will easily win landslide election” stories in the Telegraph and then on Drudge, and then the libtards will relax and get high again and forget to vote. [Telegraph]

• BUT IT’S SEXIST MONEY: “Obama scores $8 million since Palin’s speech from over 130,000 donors - on pace to hit $10 million by the time John McCain hits stage, campaign says.” [Drudge Report]

July 17, 2008 — remember it, because it’s the day Barack Obama lost the second black presidency of the United States. Two breaking articles about Obama’s shamefully rigorous workout regime are getting the full Drudge treatment, and folks, this stuff is far more damaging than “Whitey” ever would have been. Here’s the skinny: yesterday, Hopey spent 188 minutes exercising, spread across three separate trips to the gym. This stands as further proof that Barack Obama is not an Average American, because the Average American weighs 750 pounds and spends 188 minutes of the day masturbating to amateur donkey porn on the Internet. MORE »

• JESSE JACKSON APOLOGIZES FOR MONSTROUS HIDEOUS RACIST SEXIST HOMOPHOBE NATIVIST JEW REMARKS AGAINST OBAMA: Hey, small question: what were Jesse Jackson’s remarks? [Drudge Report]