JOHN ‘NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2′ ENSIGN ADMITS SEX AFFAIR: Jesus, so much to post… this idiot, Republican Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, has admitted to having a sex affair with a female campaign staffer, in 2007 and 2008. Some aide in Ensign’s office outed the boss, whoops. So until we know more, *ahem*… PICS PLZ? [The Fix, AP]

• Shameless anti-Roland Burris propaganda organs The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune are demanding that America’s first black president Roland Burris retire from the Senate and give up his position of chairman of the Joint Committee on Inspiring Generations to Come. [TPMMuckraker]
• This guy, Mike Quigley, is the favorite to be crowned Replacement Rahm Emanuel, as dictated by Chicago’s newspapers. [Daily Kos]
• In an apparent attempt to, hmm, make this whole sinning-confession-forgiveness process more Taylorist (?), Arkansas has just passed a law allowing its citizens to bring guns into church. [Andrew Sullivan]
• O song of the Drudge Siren! BREAKING: Michelle Malkin-national socialism-manila envelope-digital-camera-scandal! [Crooks and Liars]
• John McCain refuses to go back to the View, the site of 5 1/2 years of dehumanizing psychological and physical torture. [CNN Political Ticker]

SO LONG, RELIABLE MONDAY POST TOPIC!: Sunday night news dud! Discreetly tucked away in italics at the bottom of this latest crap about Ronald Reagan and whatever: “This is William Kristol’s last column.” Jesus, New York Times, don’t get so excitable like that! FURTHER ANALYSIS IN THE MORROW… [NYT]

CAROLINE KENNEDY DROPS SENATE QUEST! Guess who won’t be your new appointed senator from New York? Caroline Kennedy, the famous royalty who was supposed to get Hillary’s old gig! That’s what the New York Post says, in a BREAKING news story bulletin alert. Ha, Drudge doesn’t even have this, yet. We need a replacement for the Drudge Siren, in this post-Drudge era. [NEW YORK POST]

SARA K. SMITH IS PRESIDENT OF DRUDGE REPORT: Your favorite Wonkette editrix is also writing comical blog posts serious journalism for NBC in, uh, New York. And Los Angeles. And she got a DRUDGE LINK for her very first piece, about how lonely puritanical Democrats don’t have any Sexy Scandals — it’s right there in bold, italic and underline in the right-hand column. This is the equivalent of winning the Pulitzer/Nobel/Oscar times 1 billion on your first day at work. [NBC New York/NBC Los Angeles/Drudge Report]

BREAKING: MSNBC is reporting on the teevee, “Jury finds Sen. Ted Stevens guilty of making false statements.” On all seven counts. Aaaaaaand there goes another Senate seat for the Republicans. UPDATE: Oh and here’s a long article about it from those hepcats at the Politico, almost like they wrote it HMMM BEFOREHAND? [Politico]

D’you ever notice how our journalistic reporters such as Mark Halperin spend a full week, every week, telling us about how “nasty” the campaigns are going to get in the next week, and then the next week comes and no one cares because the “nasty” attacks are basically the same shit as usual, and then the cycle starts again with an EVEN BIGGER FOREBODING DRUDGE SIREN? Mmhmm. MORE »

“The McCain campaign is resuming all activities and the senator will travel to the debate this afternoon. Following the debate, he will return to Washington to ensure that all voices and interests are represented in the final agreement, especially those of taxpayers and homeowners.” WHAT’S THE DEAL, WALNUTS!? [Politico]

Here’s your Associated Press bulletin:

AP NewsAlert
Sep 24 02:51 PM US/Eastern
NEW YORK (AP) - John McCain wants to delay debate with Obama to focus on economic crisis.

Has there ever been another presidential campaign that consisted solely of dumb muppet stunts? [The Trail]

OBAMATARDS, SIT BY YR CELLPHONES: Because we have, what else, a DRUDGE FLASH: “The NYT newsroom was buzzing late Monday afternoon after Obama-beat reporter Jeff Zeleny learned how the Dem hopeful has now finalized his choice for a running-mate. Obama has set out an elaborate roll-out to announce his decision that will begin with an early morning e-mail to supporters, perhaps as early as Tuesday, Zeleny and Adam Nagourney have been told.” Text “VP” to 62262 if you want Barry to personally text you first with a picture of his veep’s private partz. UPDATE: Mark Halperin says “he is wrong.” We will wait for the Politico tie-breaker vote to see how the Triumvirate Council Of Horse Race Lies ultimately decides. [Drudge Report]

*THIS SOMEHOW GOT A DRUDGE SIREN, WE HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT IT:* There’s an update to Josh Fruhlinger’s post on Wesley Snipes and his interesting tax philosophy: the vampire actor was found guilty of three misdemeanors by a U.S. court for failing to file tax returns for three years. He could face up to three years in prison. Again: Wesley Snipes, potential Democratic candidate for president in 2012, could face up to three years in prison. [Reuters]