Clinton campaign manager Maggie Williams has responded to the terrible charges that Hillary’s people are circulating a picture of Barack Obama wearing some funny tribal outfit during a trip to Africa. It turns out this is all Obama’s fault! Why? We don’t know, because it makes no sense! Here’s the statement from the Hillary camp. MORE »

What happened, Matt Drudge? Did the New York Times buy the Drudge Report? We can’t think of any other logical explanation for why you’d suddenly stop using your precious plain Arial font and start using red-communist liberal Times New Roman.

Not that it will last, but our nation’s ears have a little respite of peace today, because poor Hillary Clinton lost her voice. And then she cried about it. And make no mistake, these tears were real, because the only thing the Clintons will truly cry about is not being able to hear the sound of their own voice. [Drudge Report]

Matt Drudge is super excited about this dumb web-video game. “Online shooting game lets kids target presidential candidates,” he typed on Drudge Report today. Tragically, it’s just “virtual paintball” — an even dumber version of the dumb corporate-retreat diversion in which people play some sort of capture-the-flag game and aim the paint pellets at each others’ nuts. Also, the Rudy Giuliani in this game still has his iconic 9/11 combover. [Presidential Paintball]

According to Drudge, Mittens will SURGE to a win in Michigan if exit polls have any say. Mittens leads said unsourced exit polls 34% to McCain’s 28% and Huckabee’s 16%. That sounds about right. But we’re not supposed to trust polls anymore, because of their various New Hampshire-contracted cancers. The Boston Globe, however, notes that independents only made up 25% of voters in this primary, compared with 35% in 2000. So less independents = more usual douchebags determining the outcome = a sparkling bubbly win for Mittens. But you must stay… or the boy dies? [Drudge Report, Boston Globe]

Have you ever seen a sadder Drudge Report Siren? Hillary can’t leave Matt, not after he’s been telling the world how she’s so smart and tough and the whole President Clinton Jr. thing is inevitable! Hang in there, Matt! Hillary might still be your Queen.

DRUDGE REPORT FLASH

Ruh roh, the Drudge Siren ™ was just up, and it’s about Clinton campaign chat regarding a possible exit! Based on “on-the-ground” anecdotal information, this is not Siren-worthy, because Hillary Clinton is going to get her ass and the entire Clinton legacy handed to her on a silver moose platter. Not a single person in this state is supporting Hillary; if she loses by less than 10 points the campaign should be able to spin that into a minor victory. We’re hearing that Barry Husseins is getting cocky, though, so we’ll see if he’s able to make us swoon with Hopespeak today or just piss us off.

“MASTERMIND OF FIRST TWIN TOWERS ATTACK CLAIMS HE HAS CONVERTED TO CHRISTIANITY.” [Drudge Report]

Will any of us ever forget where we were the day Matt Drudge tried to make a triple funny? NEVER FORGET!

Drudge Report
Earlier: Drudge Finds Mind For the Sole Purpose of Losing It Again

Remember how Al Gore didn’t announce he’s running for president last night? Well, just in case he gets any big ideas, Drudge wants you to know the dude is just a big-ass hypocrite who uses all the electricity which causes the global warming and then a penguin cries a single tear. MORE »

French right-winger Jean-Marie Le Pen accurately described the 9/11 death toll as equal to the monthly death toll in Iraq, so God (who causes global warming because it pleases Him) sent a plague of Giant Hornets to smite the French … because God is American. Thanks, Drudge! MORE »