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Posts Tagged ‘drudge report’

Furious Kenyan Tribesman Demand Apology From Hillary

Friday, February 29th, 2008

It all started with a simple photograph of Barack Obama, dressed up like a Somali tribesman in Africa. Somebody helpfully e-mailed the photo to the Drudge Report with this message: “Wouldn’t we be seeing this on the cover of every magazine if it were HRC [Hillary Rodham Clinton]?” Matt Drudge quickly put the goofy photograph on top of his website and blamed Hillary’s campaign for trying to get Matt Drudge to put the picture on his website. And somewhere, Barack Obama made his “I am embarrassed for you face” and gently shook his head, with dignity.

And that’s why Kenyan tribesmen are crazy with hate about what Hillary did to their dignity!

Tribal elders are still fuming over the appearance of the picture. They want an apology from the U.S. Government, which of course publishes the Drudge Report, and they also want Hillary to “clear her name,” or there will be riots, in Kenya.

The question remains: Why are the Clintons’ famously sleazy campaign methods suddenly not working?

Hillary and Bill and their campaign managers are getting all kinds of grief these days for the racism and the dirty tricks and all the things that people like to complain about during a campaign — but these tactics are used for a reason: They work.

George W. Bush had been anointed by his party in 1999 to be the GOP nominee in 2000, and all the big money lined up behind the chosen candidate. Then a charismatic smooth-talking “reformer” appeared — yes, that’s how we use to describe John McCain, nearly a decade ago — and won New Hampshire. Suddenly the establishment party choice was in trouble. So Bush’s campaign played as dirty as they could, ultimately winning the crucial South Carolina primary after word was spread that John McCain had himself a half-black baby with a black woman.

It mattered not a bit that the “black baby” was an Asian orphan the McCains adopted from the slums of Bangladesh. South Carolina Republican primary voters were just racist enough to pick Dubya over the alleged Maverick with the mulatto baby.

So it should’ve worked when Bill Clinton dismissed Barack Obama’s S.C. win as meaningless, because another black politician won the Democratic primary in South Carolina 20 years earlier. But it didn’t. Bill Clinton has been kept in a dog kennel ever since.

Is Barack Obama that good of a candidate, or is the Lee Atwater/Karl Rove/James Carville/Mark Penn school of campaigning no longer a viable way to rile up enough mouth-breathing imbeciles to throw an election?

TRIBES RAGE AT HIL [New York Post]

MORE »


Hillary Campaign Blames Obama For Hillary Campaign Sending Funny Obama Picture To Drudge Report

Monday, February 25th, 2008

Happy premise #1: There are no aliens. Clinton campaign manager Maggie Williams has responded to the terrible charges that Hillary’s people are circulating a picture of Barack Obama wearing some funny tribal outfit during a trip to Africa. It turns out this is all Obama’s fault! Why? We don’t know, because it makes no sense! Here’s the statement from the Hillary camp. MORE »


BREAKING … DRUDGE USING LIBERAL FONT

Wednesday, February 6th, 2008

Just another liberal
What happened, Matt Drudge? Did the New York Times buy the Drudge Report? We can’t think of any other logical explanation for why you’d suddenly stop using your precious plain Arial font and start using red-communist liberal Times New Roman.


Hillary Clinton Will Maybe Stop Talking Now

Monday, February 4th, 2008

Let's hope it lasts!
Not that it will last, but our nation’s ears have a little respite of peace today, because poor Hillary Clinton lost her voice. And then she cried about it. And make no mistake, these tears were real, because the only thing the Clintons will truly cry about is not being able to hear the sound of their own voice. [Drudge Report]


Make Obama ‘Shoot’ Hillary With ‘Paint Balls’

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008


Matt Drudge is super excited about this dumb web-video game. “Online shooting game lets kids target presidential candidates,” he typed on Drudge Report today. Tragically, it’s just “virtual paintball” — an even dumber version of the dumb corporate-retreat diversion in which people play some sort of capture-the-flag game and aim the paint pellets at each others’ nuts. Also, the Rudy Giuliani in this game still has his iconic 9/11 combover. [Presidential Paintball]


Mittens Leading Exit Polls, Probably Will Lose Now

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

michigansufjan.jpgAccording to Drudge, Mittens will SURGE to a win in Michigan if exit polls have any say. Mittens leads said unsourced exit polls 34% to McCain’s 28% and Huckabee’s 16%. That sounds about right. But we’re not supposed to trust polls anymore, because of their various New Hampshire-contracted cancers. The Boston Globe, however, notes that independents only made up 25% of voters in this primary, compared with 35% in 2000. So less independents = more usual douchebags determining the outcome = a sparkling bubbly win for Mittens. But you must stay… or the boy dies? [Drudge Report, Boston Globe]


BREAKING … DRUDGE WORRIED FOR HILLARY!

Monday, January 7th, 2008

Have you ever seen a sadder Drudge Report Siren? Hillary can’t leave Matt, not after he’s been telling the world how she’s so smart and tough and the whole President Clinton Jr. thing is inevitable! Hang in there, Matt! Hillary might still be your Queen.

DRUDGE REPORT FLASH


Monday, January 7th, 2008

Ruh roh, the Drudge Siren ™ was just up, and it’s about Clinton campaign chat regarding a possible exit! Based on “on-the-ground” anecdotal information, this is not Siren-worthy, because Hillary Clinton is going to get her ass and the entire Clinton legacy handed to her on a silver moose platter. Not a single person in this state is supporting Hillary; if she loses by less than 10 points the campaign should be able to spin that into a minor victory. We’re hearing that Barry Husseins is getting cocky, though, so we’ll see if he’s able to make us swoon with Hopespeak today or just piss us off.


Thursday, October 11th, 2007

“MASTERMIND OF FIRST TWIN TOWERS ATTACK CLAIMS HE HAS CONVERTED TO CHRISTIANITY.” [Drudge Report]


Drudge Makes Three Intentional Jokes/Puns, World Ends

Tuesday, August 28th, 2007