Tag Archives: drudge report

  Nowhere to run nowhere to hide

Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!

Hold on tight, Patriotic American Christians, for a calamity approacheth! The Pew Research Center has released a study that finds, if things keep going the way they are, there will be more Muslims than Christians in the world in 2070. You will be glad to know the Drudge Report is not freaking out over this or anything, naaaaah, they’re just posting a link to the story at the very top of their page, illustrated with a picture of a concerned little white girl who might be about to cry: Read more on Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!…
  Isn't It Iconic? A Little Too Iconic.

Will Fox News Accuse Ferguson Of Doing War On Christmas?

2014 America in one photo
Just a quick question for Todd Starnes and Bill O’Reilly: Would this photo be better or worse if the sign said “Merry Christmas”? Our guess: If Fox News does mention this sign, one of the resident Professionally Oppressed Christians will argue that perhaps Ferguson brought some of the misery on itself. If only they’d reminded the young hotheads — the rioters, of course, not the dudes firing tear gas willy nilly — that Jesus is the Reason for the Season, they’d have calmed down and gone home. We can almost guarantee we will see someone claim that in all sincerity. Read more on Will Fox News Accuse Ferguson Of Doing War On Christmas?…
  Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment

Drudge Sirens! You’ll Never Believe This Shocking Drudge News About Sarah Palin And Hillary Clinton!

Why, that's just UNPOSSIBLE!
Wonkers, we sure hope you’re sitting down! The Drudge Report has shocking news about a shocking poll that will give you an Alaska Shocker, which is like a regular Shocker except its icy cold shockingness will leave you with Polaroids. Hope you’re sitting down, because here is the Drudge Report’s tweeted Shocker: Read more on Drudge Sirens! You’ll Never Believe This Shocking Drudge News About Sarah Palin And Hillary Clinton!…
  heart of darkness

Matt Drudge Not Even Trying To Hide It Anymore

Let’s play a fun game. It is called “What Is Wrong With Matt Drudge?” and the answer cannot be “everything” because then the game is over. Above you see his illustration this morning for the Golden Globe nominations, in which 12 Years A Slave and American Hustle both made out like armed robbers. Armed robbers who are black, obviously, as if there is even any other kind! Read more on Matt Drudge Not Even Trying To Hide It Anymore…
  mean ugly joe

Now Joe Biden Has Killed A Dog, Just To Watch It Die

The field’s all yours, Hillary Clinton. Old Handsome Joe Biden will no longer be running for president now that the Drudge Report (and CBS) has explained that he killed this dog. Gail Collins will write 1,452,722 articles about Joe Biden killing this dog. Ghost Andrew Breitbart will produce a cookbook for how to fix the dog Joe Biden killed. Hillary won’t even have to produce any commercials about it being 3 a.m., and do you know where your dog is? (Hint, no you don’t, because Joe Biden killed it.) Read more on Now Joe Biden Has Killed A Dog, Just To Watch It Die…
  the internet is a series of boobs

There Are People In This World Who Simply Do Not Care For Michelle Obama

Internet commenters: they are the suck! (Present company … excepted? Hmmm.) You cannot read any story about any person whose name ends with ‘z’ (‘SPANICS) without getting an eyeful of the most insanely racist shit, the kind that makes your stomach sink into your liver, as if your liver was not having enough problems without a stomach on it! But there is a special alternate universe of Internet comment when it comes to our adored First Lady, Her Hotness Michelle, who is probably the only person loved more in these parts than Old Handsome Joe Biden, God Love Him, and Michelle’s Husband, whatshisname, “The One.” Read more on There Are People In This World Who Simply Do Not Care For Michelle Obama…
  whoa

Andrew Breitbart Drops Dead

American blog owner Andrew Breitbart is dead. He was 43 years old, and reportedly died of “natural causes” in Los Angeles early this morning. We knew Breitbart — “we,” meaning many of us who have written for Wonkette, including young Riley Waggaman, pictured above at left — and he was a pleasant enough goofball in person. Breitbart was also a talented writer of headlines (it really is an art!) who worked anonymously for many years as Matt Drudge’s assistant on the West Coast. What he is known for today is the vile collection of websites that includes “Big Government,” and his rambling, slurring appearances on broadcast media. Read more on Andrew Breitbart Drops Dead…
  flotus files

FLOTUS Celebrates Birthday, is Crowned Queen of Nickelodeon

Hooray, today is our dear FLOTUS’ birthday! Hopefully you are celebrating this special day with one of those cake-flavored yogurts and a few jumping jacks. FLOTUS foes are of course marking the occasion by continuing their Occupy Denny’s protest, which is probably the longest-running and most effective (hello, obesity!) movement of this century. Last year, our Michelle turned 47 on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, ringing in her next year of life with a church service…yawn. Maybe that was fine last year, but our FLOTUS is ten times the celebrity she was in 2011. She was recently featured in a scandalous book about how awful it is to live in the White House, and just yesterday, she starred in a popular children’s television program. And apparently, she “nailed it.” So on her birthday, we must ask, where is Michelle’s Golden Globe? Read more on FLOTUS Celebrates Birthday, is Crowned Queen of Nickelodeon…
  what priorities?

With Nothing Better To Do, Congress Votes On Some Gun Stuff

Happy newz everyone, the most-hated Congress in all of American history has finally Gotten The Message and started passing some exciting jerbs legisla– HA HA JUST KIDDING, ALWAYS KIDDING, FOREVER. No, the only issue that gets broad-based House support from 229 Republicans and 43 Democrats these days (besides their brave efforts to reaffirm “In God We Trust” as the national tagline) is passing legislation to guarantee the right of the yokel in Utah who buys hisself a concealed carry permit from the gun license vending machine at the corner gas station to bring his concealed weapon into any other state regardless of that state’s (potentially more strict) gun laws. Spread the fear, everyone! Read more on With Nothing Better To Do, Congress Votes On Some Gun Stuff…
  the long hot summer

Matt Drudge Very Concerned By ‘Urban Chaos’ and ‘Urban Youth’

It turns out that daily catastrophic tornadoes are not the only problem faced by America’s cities these days. Traditionally at the bottom of America’s socioeconomic system since being brought here in chains at the bottom of slave slips, black people seem to once again be having a very hard time of it during the Great Recession, and that has perhaps led to waves of “street protests” or “flash mobs” or “race riots” or “urban chaos” from Boston to Long Island to Washington to Charlotte to Miami. Or maybe some kids got drunk and obnoxious in a couple of places, as all kids tend to do. The troubles started over Memorial Day Weekend, which is legally supposed to be about honoring those Americans killed in America’s constant overseas wars but also marks the beginning of the summer. And summertime is when the rioting is easy. Read more on Matt Drudge Very Concerned By ‘Urban Chaos’ and ‘Urban Youth’…
  i'll take 500 copies please!

Drudge Report Leaks Dumb EXCLUSIVES From Bush Book

DRUDGE (Druge) SIRENS! The following is an “**Exclusive** **Must Credit**.” It has eight asterisks! It must be good! Matt Drudge has been sent an advance copy of George W. Bush’s new book or whatever, and he has REVEALED five or so random parts of it. “The president details how he bonded with Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia — and a magical bird!” Wow! George W. Bush found it easier to relate to a really cool bird than human intellectuals? We never saw that coming. Also, it turns out, he thought the was very much in charge of 9/11. Read more on Drudge Report Leaks Dumb EXCLUSIVES From Bush Book…
  on the next 'law and order: first lady unit'

DRUDGE SIRENS: Matt Drudge Thinks Michelle Obama Broke Election Law!

“First lady Michelle Obama appears to have violated Illinois law — when she engaged in political discussion at a polling place!” Wha? Oh no! Exclamation point, for sure! After Michelle Obama finished turning in her early-voting ballot today (DRUDGE SIRENS! Update your residency, miss! You live in D.C.!), some voters asked if they could take a photo with her. She obliged but ended up telling one of them “how important it was to vote to keep her husband’s agenda going.” DRUDGE SIRENS! That shit’s illegal! Read more on DRUDGE SIRENS: Matt Drudge Thinks Michelle Obama Broke Election Law!…
  bottom feeders

Famous Teabag-Beat Reporter Dave Weigel Apologizing Again

The illiterate who ineptly cuts-and-pastes things at “Fishbowl DC” (remember that site?) is trying to get some traffic for the long-ignored MediaBistro blog by posting some banal crap from that “JournoList” email group the media kids in town use to send emails to each other. What could turn that into some SEO traffic, two years after the Politico pretended it was a Hot Story for six hours? Why not claim that actual reporter Dave Weigel is the Washington Post‘s “conservative blogger” and make up some dispute with “liberal bloggers” and then throw in mentions of teabaggers, the Drudge Report, and Michael Calderone. And put “scathing e-mails” in the hed. Will that do it? Uh, probably not. Read more on Famous Teabag-Beat Reporter Dave Weigel Apologizing Again…
  nation of pervert aggregators

What Does He Mean, ‘Did You Plug The Hole Yet, Daddy?’

Here’s the Emotional Clip from today’s Obamar press conference, where he tries to prove that he is “sufficiently enraged” over this whole oil spill with an anecdote, about how his freaking daughter wakes him up every morning by asking the annoying question, “Did you plug the hole yet, daddy?” Send that gal to military school, is what we came away with. What about Matt Drudge? Read more on What Does He Mean, ‘Did You Plug The Hole Yet, Daddy?’…
  better than the old politico

JULI WEINER IS THE NEW POLITICO: Bloodthirsty ambitious blog monster Juli Weiner, your beloved ex-Wonkette editor who is now editor-in-chief of New York City’s Vanity Fair organization (the Mafia), typed up some wacky jokes today about the faptastic new $100 bill looking all European and socialist, probably before going to her business lunch at a strip club, or wherever they eat in New York. And then Matt Drudge took it seriously and made it his top story. Juli probably has 900 billion page views by now and is reaping her reward: a teaspoon of Graydon Carter’s finest smuggled Iranian caviar. Juli is such a Drudge link-whore, all the time. [Vanity Fair] Read more on …
  free candy

Dr. Pedobear Will See You Now

No, not at all! According to famous wingnut blog “The Drudge Report,” it is about a giant looming Pedobear who will “fix” your “health” by, uhm, raping children. Is that what you people want? Read more on Dr. Pedobear Will See You Now…
  poor people suck

Republicans Now Furious About Dept. of Agriculture Buying Some Food For Starving Americans

You know who sucks? Poor jobless hungry people in America, that’s who! The famous wingnut blog “The Drudge Report” got some GOP people very, very excited because Drudge posted something suggesting the government spent $1.2 million to purchase “two pounds of ham.” TALK ABOUT PORK SPENDING, HEY-O! But, according to sad pooh-bear agriculture secretary Tom Vilsack, “the contract in question purchased 760,000 pounds of ham for $1.19 million, at a cost of approximately $1.50 per pound.” Read more on Republicans Now Furious About Dept. of Agriculture Buying Some Food For Starving Americans…
  uppity presidents

Hey, When Did Blacks Start Making EYE CONTACT With Americans?

Let’s see, what do the nuts have to complain about today? That Barack Hussein is lookin’ at white folk in a critical-like fashion! Yes, yes he can. So much for the “good old days,” when the only coloreds in the White House were the Help, and you can bet your white ass they wouldn’t be all up in your grill, looking at you, when you were talking to them. Barack Obama should jes’ look down at his loose shoes when he’s gettin’ spoke to. [The Awl] Read more on Hey, When Did Blacks Start Making EYE CONTACT With Americans?…
  el cerdo bailarín

Terrible New Mexican Pig Flu To Kill Us All

Jesus christ did you see DRUDGE?! We are all going to die, for real this time. Which is probably why this horrific monument to the surviving 500 million people is suddenly in the news, right? Anyway, here is video of the Mexican Swine Flu. Read more on Terrible New Mexican Pig Flu To Kill Us All…
  uhh ...

Hey This Is NOT APPROPRIATE Matt Drudge

Contextual ads sure can be a bitch sometimes. So can regular, contracted ads that the website owner approves! But this is not to make light of the very terrible thing that did happen in Binghamton. [AP] Read more on Hey This Is NOT APPROPRIATE Matt Drudge…