Tag Archives: drudge

  no need for women's bodies to shut this thing down

Government Shutdown Saga, Part Eleventy-Flurve

Whoever said that manufacturing was dead was clearly not in the “Congressional crisis” industry. You may have thought that supply was low, or that demand was waning, but Congress is back yet again to manufacture another crisis and shove it down your throat, whether you want it or not. What are we collectively gagging on this week? Government shutdown! Hoorah! We already told you what was gonna happen if/when the government shuts down, but there are so many fun tidbits that it didn’t all fit in one post. Ready for Round 2?  Read more on Government Shutdown Saga, Part Eleventy-Flurve…
  here we go again

Cee Lo Invite To Obama Fundraiser Proves Obama Hates Women, Gays, Decency

We hope you have been saving up your outrage, dear readers, because hoh boy: Barack Obama has invited singer Cee Lo Green to perform at a fundraiser in Atlanta! But what’s the issue? It can’t be that Matt Drudge is upset about the swears, about Cee Lo Green having a hit song titled, “Fuck You,” because Mitt Romney just recently appeared with talentless idiot Kid Rock, whose repertoire includes a song titled, “Fuck That.” Help us out, News Media and Twitter, why should we be upset that Barack Obama is a fan of a five-time Grammy award-winning musician? Read more on Cee Lo Invite To Obama Fundraiser Proves Obama Hates Women, Gays, Decency…
  song of the drudge siren

So Matt Drudge Is Just Going To Go With This—That Cool?

Oh everyone look at Matt Drudge’s new failing meme: Obama, he’s so skinny right?, because of the exercise and the oversized t-shirts he likes to wear while exercising. Wrong. He is definitely chain smoking and throwing up all the low-calorie food he isn’t eating, and definitely not simply working out, as he is pictured doing in the photo accompanying Drudge’s story. [Drudge Report, image via The Awl] Read more on So Matt Drudge Is Just Going To Go With This—That Cool?…
  in case anybody still cares about this thing

Mysterious Joker Poster Explained For You

Finally, we have an Arts Writer to tell us what that weird “SOCIALISMS & BARACK OBAMA AS HEATH LEDGER’S JOKER” poster means. We would summarize, but the article is nearly 1,000 words long! Read it and find out! Or click the clicky to find out what two of your editors thought of the poster in a secret high-level editorial discussion on Monday. Read more on Mysterious Joker Poster Explained For You…
  rumors on the internets

CNN Stands By Lou Goebbels, 150%

High-frequency trading? Goldman Sachs? Ball’s in your court, Taibbi. [Matt Yglesias] “You Want Context? Drudge Will Give You Context.” And brain herpes! [Weekly Standard] Joe Biden is such a golly liberal fascist, according to liberal fascist experts. [USA Today] Read more on CNN Stands By Lou Goebbels, 150%…
  rumors on the internets

Can Barack Obama Please Just Apologize To John McCain For Plotting To Send America’s War Heroes To Gitmo?

Obama ‘N Friends have themselves a fleet of hybrid Fords. Even David Plouffe, the greatest threat facing American inboxes, gets something called a Fusion Hybrid. [AMERICAblog] In exchange for paying off Mark Penn’s formidable annual adult website membership dues, Hillary Clinton will allow you to rent any of the following: Bill Clinton, Paul Begala, James Carville. [Gawker] Read more on Can Barack Obama Please Just Apologize To John McCain For Plotting To Send America’s War Heroes To Gitmo?…
  death merchants

Politico Writers Are Rich! TAX THEM!

The New Republic‘s Gabriel Sherman has a lovely new story out about the dystopian hell chamber that is the Politico newsroom. The snarling, leprous leadership of Jim VandeHei and John Harris (a.k.a. “VandeHarris,” or simply, “AnusHair”) greets its intrepid blog reporters each morning at 5:30 a.m. with a hot shower of molten lava, followed by a threat to feed them to the rabid, one-eyed Beast of Ancient Times (held in an office storage pod in Manassas) if they do not get a Drudge link by 11 a.m. “SMITH, BEN SSSMITHHHH,” the death demon VandeHarris roars, spittle flying from its mouth, before slithering back to its dungeon for a breakfast of live rats, copper shavings, and ostrich blood. “YOU MUST WIN THE MORNING… A GUEST SLOT ON HARDBALL COMPELS YOU…” Read more on Politico Writers Are Rich! TAX THEM!…
  failed states

Russian Expert: America To Separate Into Breakaway Republics

Ha ha, remember after the 2004 elections people emailed each other maps showing the sane parts of America getting absorbed into Canada and the rest turning into a squalid nation of Cheetos-addicted wingnuts called Jesusland? A Russian “expert” has now reached a similar conclusion about America — that we are doomed to decline and a dissolution of the union in the near future. Like, by spring. (Oh, and Russia gets Alaska back! Bonus.) Read more on Russian Expert: America To Separate Into Breakaway Republics…
  viruses on the emails

HillaryClinton.com Email Hacked By Breitbart Fan

A local liberal media elitist on the HillaryClinton.com mailing list send us this curious message. Hillary’s official email says “Hussein Obama” is a “muslim,” oh noes! Breitbart.tv is the conservative news portal beloved by Matt Drudge and other Hillary Clinton supporters. The Clinton people say they “don’t know what’s going on” but are aware that somebody has been messing with their email, for larfs. UPDATE: Read more on HillaryClinton.com Email Hacked By Breitbart Fan…
  disinformation

‘OH DON’T WORRY OBAMA WILL WIN IN LANDSLIDE’ Here is the new way McCain will win: Plant a bunch of “Obama will easily win landslide election” stories in the Telegraph and then on Drudge, and then the libtards will relax and get high again and forget to vote. [Telegraph] Read more on …
  who has money nowadays anyway?

BUT IT’S SEXIST MONEY: “Obama scores $8 million since Palin’s speech from over 130,000 donors – on pace to hit $10 million by the time John McCain hits stage, campaign says.” [Drudge Report] Read more on …
  guy thinks he's better than us

Fat Americans Slam Obama For Intense Workout Regime

July 17, 2008 — remember it, because it’s the day Barack Obama lost the second black presidency of the United States. Two breaking articles about Obama’s shamefully rigorous workout regime are getting the full Drudge treatment, and folks, this stuff is far more damaging than “Whitey” ever would have been. Here’s the skinny: yesterday, Hopey spent 188 minutes exercising, spread across three separate trips to the gym. This stands as further proof that Barack Obama is not an Average American, because the Average American weighs 750 pounds and spends 188 minutes of the day masturbating to amateur donkey porn on the Internet. Read more on Fat Americans Slam Obama For Intense Workout Regime…
  anaylsis of non-existent news

JESSE JACKSON APOLOGIZES FOR MONSTROUS HIDEOUS RACIST SEXIST HOMOPHOBE NATIVIST JEW REMARKS AGAINST OBAMA: Hey, small question: what were Jesse Jackson’s remarks? [Drudge Report]
 

SHE HAS POLITICAL COOTIES: From Drudge, who is at his best when making fun of Hillary: “CONGRESSIONAL SOURCE: Hillary having trouble finding superdelegates who will meet with her… ‘No one wants to see her today’… Developing…” [Drudge Report] Read more on …
 

Drudge Report Anoints Obama ‘The Nominee’

The link is just to some AP story that doesn’t say anything we don’t already know. Hey here is some news: Hillary has no public events planned today, Wednesday, the day after. [DRUDGE REPORT] Read more on Drudge Report Anoints Obama ‘The Nominee’…
 

IT’S JUST LIKE THEY PREDICTED: MATT DRUDGE IS SHOUTING ON HIS WEBSITE, “EXITS SHOW EASY OBAMA WIN IN NC,” SO THAT’S ONE FOR OBAMA SO FAR, HUMANS. [Drudge Report]
 

GOP Oddly Employs Tasteless Attack on Obama [UPDATE]

The Tennessee Republican Party issued this press release today, in the wake of Barack Obama’s hesitance to denounce, or reject, anti-Semite Louis Farrakhan’s support in last night’s debate. Obama’s Muslim heritage poses so great a threat that the press release felt it was proper to use his full name: “The Tennessee Republican Party today joins a growing chorus of Americans concerned about the future of the nation of Israel, the only stable democracy in the Middle East, if Sen. Barack Hussein Obama is elected president of the United States.” [Update below!] And guess which photo they used to illustrate this point? Read more on GOP Oddly Employs Tasteless Attack on Obama [UPDATE]…
 

Barack Is Destroying Hillary

Yikes. And according to Drudge, “EXIT POLLS SHOW 2:1 OBAMA LEAD OVER HILLARY IN VA AND MD, 3:1 IN DC.” Jesus, this Luo Tribesman might be a star someday. [The Page, Drudge Report] Read more on Barack Is Destroying Hillary…
 

Sell, Sell, Sell NOW!

The economy is crumbling and very soon we will all be dead. For example, Apple expects sales to grow by 29% in its second fiscal quarter, and Wall Street is calling this a “disappointment” (Mr. Wall Street, he said it himself). But White House demon ice queen Dana Perino tells us “the long-term fundamental health of our economy is very strong,” which should ease the fears of the growing mortgage-default hobo brigade. [AP/Yahoo] Read more on Sell, Sell, Sell NOW!…
 

Selected Top Drudge Stories of the Moment, Explained

Honestly, we’re shocked he’s not leading with weather porn. But this hurricane is only hurting Mexican potential future illegal immigrants, and his love of an imaginary catfight trumps even the heaviest of rain storms. Read more on Selected Top Drudge Stories of the Moment, Explained…
 

Emma Edwards Betrays Father, Elizabeth Trolls Blogs

During an Iowa campaign stop, 9-year-old Emma Claire Edwards made her true feelings about the presidential race known. After a brief stop at a Little League game in Beranek Park, where Emma Claire mentioned that her softball team’s name is the Hawkeyes, the family ventured on to Tipton to rejoin their favorite candidate. Oh, but that’s not entirely accurate — or at least it wasn’t on Saturday. When the Edwardses visited the Cedar County Democrats’ tent, Mrs. Edwards asked her daughter which of the presidential candidates she liked best. Read more on Emma Edwards Betrays Father, Elizabeth Trolls Blogs…