Tag Archives: drones

  Vote Graham or he'll drone this dog

Lindsey Graham Running For President, Will Kill You For Your Thoughts If Elected

Dream on
Sen. Lindsey Graham, the southern gentleman from South Carolina, has been threatening for months to run for president, promising to be an excellent president for rich white men everywhere and to “literally use the military” to force Congress to do his bidding. Why does he think he can win? Who exactly does he think will vote for him? No idea, but we laughingly welcome him to the race, as he announced on Monday his intention to announce his intention to run for president, which is how presidential campaigns work nowadays. And he’s got a real optimistic Reaganesque morning in America pitch to voters: Read more on Lindsey Graham Running For President, Will Kill You For Your Thoughts If Elected…
  second amendment remedies

Oklahoma Runs Out of Varmints and People to Shoot, Turns to Flying Robots

The corn is as high as a Predator's contrail
The good congresscritters of Oklahoma are up to some legislatin’, folks. A bill has advanced to their senate floor that will make it legal to shoot drones out of the sky. That SPROING you heard is the sound of Rand Paul’s spontaneous freedom boner. Read more on Oklahoma Runs Out of Varmints and People to Shoot, Turns to Flying Robots…
  The Wonkette Media Empire

Introducing The Weekend Stock Photo Report, A Video Thing From Yr Beloved Wonkette

Here at yr Wonkette, we’re always brainstorming new ways to amuse and confound you. In that spirit, we are proud to offer this thing! It is called The Weekend Stock Photo Report With Weekend S. Photo! It is kind of a video slide show of funny pictures that we are definitely allowed to use, and a voice-over that says funny things about the politics, and boy aren’t you a lucky duckie, huh? Read more on Introducing The Weekend Stock Photo Report, A Video Thing From Yr Beloved Wonkette…
  A Noun A Verb The Constitution

Rand Paul Has A Shotgun For Your Drone, Buddy

you just keep your drones offa my lawn!
Rand Paul has some important thoughts about privately owned drones: He will blow them away with the Constitution and a shotgun. CNN did something they called a “Historic Snapchat Interview” with Rand Paul, using a popular phone app, which was such a huge success that to allow people to actually view the damned thing, they filmed it with a conventional video camera: Read more on Rand Paul Has A Shotgun For Your Drone, Buddy…
  Supreme Court set to rule on flying death robot marriage soon

Friendly Flying Death Robots And Mystery Bird-Killing Gunk: Your Life-Sucking Environment Roundup!

This week in environment news, California officials are baffled by some mysterious black gunk that kills waterfowl, while techbros in North Carolina and Mexico try to make sure that Skynet happens before we destroy the entire planet. Read more on Friendly Flying Death Robots And Mystery Bird-Killing Gunk: Your Life-Sucking Environment Roundup!…
  Shouting 'Molotov!' Not Recommended

Israel Defense Forces Wishes You A Happy Hanukkah, With Drones!

Wut?
The Israel Defense Forces’ official Twitter account brings us this festive holiday image to celebrate the miracle of a Skylark hand-launched surveillance drone staying aloft for eight hours, when it only had enough battery charge for an hour: Read more on Israel Defense Forces Wishes You A Happy Hanukkah, With Drones!…
  clipbait

John Oliver: America Loves Cheap And Deadly Drones Because Cheap And Deadly (Video)

Oh the hilarity!
Now that he’s done in-depth comedy reports on nuclear weapons and student debt, we’re no longer surprised when John Oliver uses deadly serious subject matter. It can only be a matter of time before he gets to Ebola at this rate. But this week, Last Week Tonight took on a different lethal pathogen: American drone strikes, such as those that were launched against targets in Pakistan and Yemen, not that many of us heard about them. Oliver notes that, with eight times as many drone strikes under Obama than under G.W. Bush, “drone strikes will be as much a characteristic of the Obama presidency as Obamacare or receiving racist email forwards from distant relatives.” And why not? Drone strikes are popular with the American public, because they’re “appealingly cheap and incredibly deadly,” which Oliver says could be drones’ official slogan, “but unfortunately, that’s already taken by Hardees.” Read more on John Oliver: America Loves Cheap And Deadly Drones Because Cheap And Deadly (Video)…
  Are you sure they said today?

Hundreds of Patriots, Cleverly Disguised As Tourists, Rally For Impeachment At White House

At noon on Saturday, the Real Americans of the greater Washington, DC metropolitan area were set to celebrate National Impeach Obama Week by meeting at the White House to call for the immediate impeachment of Kenyan Usurper President Barry Soetoro. The Wonket Washington Bureau readied full team coverage and had the interns price out some down-market gas masks, expecting a constitutionally righteous mob of sign-wielding activists surging forward against a line of police officers summoned from surrounding jurisdictions. Read more on Hundreds of Patriots, Cleverly Disguised As Tourists, Rally For Impeachment At White House…
  take your 'smart' and shove it

Gun Enthusiasts Defend Freedom By Yelling At Lady Who Invented Gun-Safety Thing

Guns. Hot damn, if we all don’t want bigger, badder, better guns! Pew! Pew! Pew! America, Fuck Yeah, Second Amendment, NRA, freedoms, and all that jazz! Am I right! And if we occasionally need to feed the Tree Of Liberty with the blood of dozens of schoolchildren, then so be it, because GUNS ARE TEH BEST. We don’t care if they are big guns or small guns, so long as they are dick-shaped and can help us overcome masculine insecurities, we’ll take whatever you are offering. Can I get an ‘amen’ from the gun enthusiasts? RawStory has the amen: Belinda Padilla, president and CEO of the U.S. division of firearm manufacturer Armatix, says she was stalked and threatened by “gun enthusiasts” after she tried to bring a safer handgun to market. Oh right. We love guns, except for better, safer guns. Because even the option of a safer gun somewhere is an affront to freedom everywhere, just like that Martin Luther King Jr. guy said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere,” except with guns and safety being a threat to freedom. Un-ironic self-five for MLK reference!  Read more on Gun Enthusiasts Defend Freedom By Yelling At Lady Who Invented Gun-Safety Thing…
  they took an oaf

Hot Gossip: Cliven Bundy’s Militia Buddies Have Broken Up, Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

We have what appears to be an Important Update on the Bundy Ranch Seige that is no longer a Seige, although the good people of nearby Bunkerville, Nevada sure are tired of all these militia yahoos hanging around their town. And according to a piece at Daily Kos, even the militia folks are getting tired of each other. Read more on Hot Gossip: Cliven Bundy’s Militia Buddies Have Broken Up, Are Never Ever Getting Back Together…
  bang-bang she shot me down

Colorado Town Votes To Not Issue Drone-Hunting Licenses; Freedom May Survive Anyway

Last July, we told you about the fun idea proposed by the town of Deer Trail, Colorado, (population 546): sell novelty “drone hunting licenses” that would promise a bounty to anyone who brought down a federally-owned unmanned aerial vehicle. You know, for a laugh, and to raise money for the town, and to send the message that the federal government better not mess with Liberty. Nobody was seriously thinking that the law would result in drones really getting shot down, since the $25 licenses would only allow “hunting” drones with a shotgun. But now, the humorless voters of Deer Trail have turned down the ballot initiative by a 75% margin, so their town will have to find other sources of revenue, at the small price of not becoming known as “that crazy place that lets you buy a license to shoot down drones.” After all, what could possibly have gone wrong? Read more on Colorado Town Votes To Not Issue Drone-Hunting Licenses; Freedom May Survive Anyway…
  cartoon violence

Cartoon Violence Gets Back In The Muck

There are some Americans who believe that Cartoon Violence doesn’t solve anything. “Stay out!” they say. “Let the cartoonists fight it out amongst themselves. It’s a quagmire.” If, however, after all of those dead links and all of those wasted art supplies, there is still no end in sight, then I say the time has come for the American people to turn to new leadership. Effective immediately — and for the entire month of January — Cartoon Violence will be strategically recommitting manpower toward the neutralization of only the highest value targets: decorated, senior-level cartoonists, Pulitzer Prize-winners, and other influential members of their command structure. Yr. Wonkette’s pledge is simple: We shall pay any price, bemoan any bad metaphor. Beginning with 2013 winner Steve Sack and culminating with 2010 winner Mark Fiore, we will gain back the ground lost since your Comics Curmudgeon withdrew from sustained hostilities four years ago. We cannot erase the mistakes of the past, the ink spilled, but we can and must draw over, so it looks like something else, way better, that we can pretend we drew correctly the first time. We cannot say with certainty when the Cartoon Violence will end, but the fight must continue for a just and honorable peace. Also, Josh Fruhlinger said it was cool with him if we steal this gig. Read more on Cartoon Violence Gets Back In The Muck…
  there's a fine line between clever and stupid

Terror ‘Experts': ‘Crazy-Pants’ Yemen Plot Goes Up To Eleven

Heard about Yemen lately, but not sure why? Pretty sure Obama’s Birthday has something to do with closing every embassy we have that a Muslim person might know exists? Confused over ordered departures-slash-evacuations, “immediate, specific threats,” legion of doom conference calls and why John McCain thinks Al Qaeda is back and bigger than ever? Yes, well so are we. Good thing we have speculation and more questions, like, why does no one who is supposed to be an expert in these things seem to know what the hell is going on either? They are all on the record being like “the fuck?” and “asphinctersayswhat?” and those are direct quotes. Read more on Terror ‘Experts': ‘Crazy-Pants’ Yemen Plot Goes Up To Eleven…
  be vewwy pawanoid -- I'm hunting dwones

Colorado Town May Let Folks Shoot Down Drones, What Could Go Wrong?

The tiny community of Deer Trail, Colorado, (population 546) is considering passing an ordinance to sell “drone hunting licenses” and offer a bounty for shooting down federally owned unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs). But don’t worry, they are only joking (except for the guy who introduced the measure — he says he’s completely serious). We aren’t sure whether to mock the earnest wingnut paranoia of the idea, or admire the town council’s willingness to make a few bucks exploiting that wingnut paranoia with a scheme that they all know is physically impossible, since the law would only allow “hunting” drones with a shotgun. We wish they’d allow small-caliber rifles, too, so we could at least make a catch-.22 joke. Read more on Colorado Town May Let Folks Shoot Down Drones, What Could Go Wrong?…
  don't fear the mq-9 reaper

Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University Training Death Robot Operators For Jesus

For dedicated Christianists, every aspect of life is a kind of worship, from raising a family to getting an education to raining AGM-114 Hellfire missiles onto the enemies of the United States and maybe the occasional wedding party. So it’s not really too much of a surprise to read David Swanson’s article in Sojourners about the drone-pilot training program at Liberty University, the Lynchburg, Virginia school and cash machine founded by Jerry Falwell. The school has had a program to train “Christ-centered aviators” for over a decade, with tracks for commercial pilots, Military aviation, flight attendants, aircraft, maintenance, and our favorite, “Missionary Aviation.” The newest program to help Christians reach out their hand and touch the face of God is Liberty’s Unmanned Aerial Systems (UAS) program, which started in 2011 and prepares young people to operate civilian or military drones, on whatever missions God sees a need for. Read more on Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University Training Death Robot Operators For Jesus…
  Let's stop all the fight

Barry Xmas, War Is Over! A Wonkette Think Peace

We know it’s been a few days since Barack Obama’s boldly redefined / slightly modified / utterly capitulated in the War On Terror, but since Yr. Editrix said that a good “think piece analysis” is allowed to be late, here is a Sunday morningish Wonket thinky piece on Barry’s big drones -n- Gitmo speech at the National Defense University the other day. So is this a nice-time story, an Obama is morally weak story, or a BORE-ing, could we bring back the shouting lady please story? It most certainly is! We just aren’t sure when we should schedule the parade for the end of the War on Terror and Other Abstractions. Read more on Barry Xmas, War Is Over! A Wonkette Think Peace…