Praise Jesus the Minnesota House Commerce and Labor Committee has approved a very important measure! It allows bars in the Twin Cities metropolitan area to stay open till 4 AM during the Republican National Convention. This will allow local governments to reap greater benefits from out-of-towners’ hot economic injections, while Republicans will have extra time to get liquored up before retiring to their rooms for gentle frottage with underage campaign volunteers. [TwinCities.com] MORE »

Louisiana state senators have been hard at work recently drafting legislation to honor the Sazerac — a drink containing “whiskey, sugar, bitters and absinthe, or a substitute anise-flavored liquor” — as the official state cocktail. New Orleans is in such great shape, see, that they can spend their time writing all sorts of fun legislation celebrating drinks! MORE »

We write to you from the bar upstairs at the Stephen F. Austin hotel, which is HOPPING. Very serious young people in navy blazers gather in one corner watching a wide-screen TV with local returns. OK, the blazers only number 1 or 2, and the wearers look young in the sense of “under 40, maybe”, but we are going for ATMOSPHERE here. We are nursing a $9 Maker’s and ginger ale and listening to people discuss the race in the 10th Congressional District, in which a savvy handsome young International Expert named Dan Grant locked horns with a silly old teevee judge from Houston. MORE »

Tipster “Patrick” informs us that the foreign press is spreading nutty rumors about a drunken President Bush making an ass out of himself in front of Israeli leaders. As if! The translation after the jump. MORE »

Can you read that caption, or are your eyes swollen shut from playing our beloved SOTU Drinking Game? It’s apparently one of the main hobbies of Americans now. We are proud to be part of this grand institution started in 1776 by Tom Paine, the first alcoholic blogger. Anyway, that’s a guy stocking up his personal bar for the State of the Union address. [AFP/Yahoo]

Since January 2001, when our then-new President Bush gave his first fake State of the Union address — it was actually a “budget message,” as he had only been in the White House a few hours and hadn’t yet screwed up the country forever — America has gathered together for one glorious evening each January for our most precious freedom. Yes, we are talking about binge drinking while George W. Bush mispronounces common words on the teevee. MORE »

ALCOHOLIC PROGRAMMING NOTE: It’s State of the Union Day! And that means we’ll have an all-new SOTU Wonkette Drinking Game(TM) for you to play at home, with your friends and liver. How long have we done these SOTU bloggy drinking games? Long enough to make it an institution celebrated by the National Media, hooray! Don’t drink and drive, unless you’re a cop or a Kennedy, and check back in a few hours for the rules and ingredient list. (PS IF YOU’RE HOSTING A PUBLIC DRINKING GAME IN D.C. OR ELSEWHERE TONIGHT, EMAIL US NOW.) [Los Angeles Daily News]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

It was a superfun Condiweek, starting off with festive drinks in Dubai and ending with an apparently drunken farewell to an old friend. In between was another OMG SURPRISE! trip to Iraq and a frightening encounter with a dangerous bird. Relive the magic after the jump!

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BECAUSE IT’S WORKED IN THE PAST: A St. Louis-area councilman has a plan to tone down the rowdiness on Main Street of his little town; he wants to ban swearing and “profane music,” along with table dancing and drinking contests, in all the bars. We suggest he also form a temperance league and maybe crack down on laughter as well. [AP]

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Your guest editor is probably the only Wonkette affiliate with an unabashed love of the zany antics politicians are always getting up to over in Merrie Olde Englande. Since it’s going to be another hour or so before anyone who can stop us will be coming online, we give you: The Case Of The Chain-Smoking MP. MORE »