Tag Archives: drinking

  war criminals: they're just like us!

‘GEORGE TENET, DRUNK IN BANDAR’S POOL, SCREAMING ABOUT JEWS': A new book details that time George Tenet got totally schnockered on scotch and started badmouthing the neocons. If this is true, this is delicious. [Jeffrey Goldberg] Read more on …
  bourbon for breakfast

Give Thanks To Your Wonkette Pals, With Recipes!

While Barack Obama appoints Mr. Peabody as the Secretary of Science or whatever and no other news happens except the usual daily rain of Great Big Depression statistics, let’s give THX for whatever it is that didn’t go terribly wrong this year (the election, for example!) by sharing our favorite T-day food, beverage and dessert recipes right here, in the comments! Read more on Give Thanks To Your Wonkette Pals, With Recipes!…
  making friends and influencing people

Wonkette Met A Fan Last Night!

So after our little tour of the Republican Death Slave Equipment we went next door to The Liffey, the bar of choice for lazy journalists who want to get as many beers into their bodies as quickly as possible following four hours of hillbilly baying for Elitist Media blood. We sat down with a couple of the Reason kids, and this nice young lady came up and said, “So what did you think of the speech?” Read more on Wonkette Met A Fan Last Night!…
  party crash

UTNE Reader Threw An RNC Party!

The beloved UTNE Reader rented out an entire brewery last night, and your Wonkette joined many other media dorks for fun and hijinx. Here’s UTNE web boss Bennett Gordon, a bunch of people, some guy with his hand down his pants, and a blurry character who writes for Wonkette. More pix after the jump. Read more on UTNE Reader Threw An RNC Party!…
  the new prohibition

St. Paul Bars Too Cheap To Stay Open Late For Republican National Convention

Well, this is a terrible disappointment. The City of St. Paul decided to charge bars $2500 for a license to stay open till 4 a.m. during the anxious, angry slog known as the Republican National Convention — an event to make a drinker out of anyone — not a single establishment has applied. A POX ON ALL THEIR HOUSES. Read more on St. Paul Bars Too Cheap To Stay Open Late For Republican National Convention…
  drinkin' fools

U.S. Chamber Of Commerce Holds Wild Bacchanal At D.C. Sports Bar

Here is some proof that America’s lobbyists remain some of the world’s sturdiest boozers: employees of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce recently ran up an $8,204 bar tab in a single wild evening celebrating the end of their softball tournament at The Exchange. And then they acted like a bunch of cheap whining assholes, complaining that the bill included an 18 percent tip. So what were these drunk idiots ordering, Nebuchadnezzars of champagne from Thomas Jefferson’s secret stash? Alas no, because Ted Kennedy already drank it all. Read more on U.S. Chamber Of Commerce Holds Wild Bacchanal At D.C. Sports Bar…
  legends

TERRY MCAULIFFE IS SEXIST: Uh oh, it seems that comical former Hillary Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe is drunk again. In an interview with some Virginia newspaper, he recommended Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine be selected as Obama’s second black vice president, and not Hillary! We think Terry McAuliffe should get the job because why not. [Falls Church News Press/HuffPo] Read more on …
  cocktails

Announcing the Winning Wonkettini Cocktail!

We asked you to come up with the new D.C. Cocktail of the Now, and good jesus did you people respond. There were a hundred or so actual drink recipes submitted in the comments, and your editors painstakingly tested them all in our elaborate Experimental Bar. The winning choice — with small adjustments by Wonkette and mixologist Scott L of the new Asian Spice restaurant in Chinatown — will amuse your brain, delight your senses and, most importantly, fuck you up. Read more on Announcing the Winning Wonkettini Cocktail!…
  contests

Create the ‘Wonkettini’ and Win a Secret Prize!

There’s a new restaurant opening in Chinatown called “Asian Spice,” and Booze Master ScottL wants you to help create a famous new cocktail. “I would love to put a Wonkettini on the menu and thought it might be amusing if the commenters suggest a tasty libation befitting the name,” ScottL writes. Read more on Create the ‘Wonkettini’ and Win a Secret Prize!…
  paultardpalooza

GOOD SWEET JESUS GOD: We’ve gotten a few million “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS” e-mails this afternoon, or at least a few dozen, for Paultardpalooza. Among the respondents were an elitist lawyer and a house of six interns! Ha ha, and they all consider Ron Paul to be comical. We will see you at 9:30 a.m. at the Tune Inn, but if things get a little overcrowded, we may move next door to the Hawk ‘n’ Dove, which opens at 10 a.m. If you’re a SLACKER and show up late to find that the Tune Inn is a Ghost Town, hopefully the kindly barkeep will let us post a sign on the door saying something like “FREE CHEESY MUFFINS NEXT DOOR –>.” Read more on …
  paultardpalooza

Your Exciting Wonkette Saturday Morning Drinking Party Details!

We have our plans for Paultardpalooza, finally. We will meet at the gloriously iconic dive bar, the Tune Inn, at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow. We decided on the Tune Inn after calling various Capitol Hill bars and asking, “How early do you start serving alcohol in the morning?” Most places awkwardly tried to hang up, but the Tune Inn gave us a hearty “8 a.m.!” in response, and we appreciated that. MORE IMPORTANT DETAILS AFTER THE JUMP. Read more on Your Exciting Wonkette Saturday Morning Drinking Party Details!…
  paultardpalooza

Everyone’s Excited for Paultardpalooza!

The Paultards are onto us, the “addicts and derelicts.” We were only planning on going to the March drunk, not on drugs, although that sounds like a pretty good idea now that they’ve mentioned it. Anyway, we’ll have details for our 9 a.m. Saturday Paultardpalooza Pre-gaming by the end of the afternoon. If you’re interested in coming (most likely to a bar around Capitol Hill), please send an e-mail to tips@wonkette.com, with subject line “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS.” We just want to get a basic headcount. [Ron Paul Forums] Read more on Everyone’s Excited for Paultardpalooza!…
  the war on paultards

Your Exciting Preview Of The Ron Paul March On D.C.!

The only worthwhile event in Washington all summer is finally happening this weekend: The R[EVOL]UTION MARCH, in support of failed presidential candidate Dr. Ron Paul, in which he will be joining the most Paultarded of Paultards in a march along Constitution Ave. — that, my friends, is not an accident — to the Capitol, which they will firebomb with flaming crossbows. We will proudly be attending this Saturday. Details! Read more on Your Exciting Preview Of The Ron Paul March On D.C.!…
  drunk housewives

Jenna Finds New Drinking Palace, In Baltimore!

Newlywed first daughter “Jenna Bush Hager” of course has been dragged to Baltimore to live with her elitist husband, Henry. What kind of fun does Baltimore offer for the upper crust of society? A bar, a bar, a bar, thank god, a bar: “South Baltimore newbie Jenna Bush seems to have settled on a watering hole she likes: Regi’s American Bistro in Federal Hill. I hear she’s been in several times, including Wednesday, when she was spotted with six girlfriends. All looked very ‘Texas,’ says my spy. ‘Hair all polished up and little fancy outfits.’ A guy who answered the phone at the pub confirmed that Dubya’s daughter had been in before. Pressed for details, he would only say this much: ‘She was there. I just saw her.'” The food looks really good at Jenna’s bar! Too bad she’ll never try any of it. [Baltimore Sun via Inside Charm City] Read more on Jenna Finds New Drinking Palace, In Baltimore!…
 

Terry McAuliffe Continues To Pleasantly Embarrass Clinton Campaign

Here’s nutty Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe making good on his promise to do shots with Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski, today, at like 7 a.m. They are downing “Puerto Rican rum,” as Terry gladly points out — it’s a very exclusive brand known as “regular Bacardi.” Then they talk about politics for a while, and Mika touches him at the end, and now we know that they are having an affair, forever. [MSNBC] Read more on Terry McAuliffe Continues To Pleasantly Embarrass Clinton Campaign…
 

Barack Obama Is Elitist Drunk Too!

Hillary Clinton is the drunkest lady ever to run for president, because she is unhappy. But Barack Obama is also a lush and a cocaine user too! A couple weeks ago, Barry went to a bar and ordered a BEER — Pennsylvania’s Yuengling lager, specifically, which is utterly drinkable and cheap as the Dickens! This was during Barry’s working class bus tour, where he asked such funny working class questions as, “Is it expensive, though? … Wanna make sure it’s not some designer beer or something.” Designer beer, he says! This Commie is a real stitch. [YouTube] Read more on Barack Obama Is Elitist Drunk Too!…
 

Hillary Gets Drunk, Shoots Indiana With Grandfather’s Guns

Now you probably heard about this over the weekend, Hillary drinking the alcohol, because it is obviously the story of the campaign. The one that will determine the presidency. For a little more background: Hillary was being very working class this weekend by drinking alcohol and then shooting guns, in that order. This is what the poor blue-collars do, when not eating Mexicans or, conversely, shooting Mexicans. Take these factors, add some Jesus speak, take the square root and divide it by the average U.S. gas price ($3.37), don’t forget to carry the zero, and it equals OBAMA’S ELITISM. More picture of Hillary getting shitfaced in bitter sugary Indiana below. Read more on Hillary Gets Drunk, Shoots Indiana With Grandfather’s Guns…
 

Twin Cities Bars Will Stay Wide Open For Republican National Convention

Praise Jesus the Minnesota House Commerce and Labor Committee has approved a very important measure! It allows bars in the Twin Cities metropolitan area to stay open till 4 AM during the Republican National Convention. This will allow local governments to reap greater benefits from out-of-towners’ hot economic injections, while Republicans will have extra time to get liquored up before retiring to their rooms for gentle frottage with underage campaign volunteers. [TwinCities.com] Read more on Twin Cities Bars Will Stay Wide Open For Republican National Convention…
 

Louisiana Senate Teetotalers Shoot Down State Cocktail Legsilation

Louisiana state senators have been hard at work recently drafting legislation to honor the Sazerac — a drink containing “whiskey, sugar, bitters and absinthe, or a substitute anise-flavored liquor” — as the official state cocktail. New Orleans is in such great shape, see, that they can spend their time writing all sorts of fun legislation celebrating drinks! Read more on Louisiana Senate Teetotalers Shoot Down State Cocktail Legsilation…
 

Liveblogging The Drunken Texas Returns Two-Step

We write to you from the bar upstairs at the Stephen F. Austin hotel, which is HOPPING. Very serious young people in navy blazers gather in one corner watching a wide-screen TV with local returns. OK, the blazers only number 1 or 2, and the wearers look young in the sense of “under 40, maybe”, but we are going for ATMOSPHERE here. We are nursing a $9 Maker’s and ginger ale and listening to people discuss the race in the 10th Congressional District, in which a savvy handsome young International Expert named Dan Grant locked horns with a silly old teevee judge from Houston. Read more on Liveblogging The Drunken Texas Returns Two-Step…
 

Drunk Bush Embarrasses Rice In Front Of Foreigns!

Tipster “Patrick” informs us that the foreign press is spreading nutty rumors about a drunken President Bush making an ass out of himself in front of Israeli leaders. As if! The translation after the jump. Read more on Drunk Bush Embarrasses Rice In Front Of Foreigns!…