Wonkette

We asked you to come up with the new D.C. Cocktail of the Now, and good jesus did you people respond. There were a hundred or so actual drink recipes submitted in the comments, and your editors painstakingly tested them all in our elaborate Experimental Bar. The winning choice — with small adjustments by Wonkette and mixologist Scott L of the new Asian Spice restaurant in Chinatown — will amuse your brain, delight your senses and, most importantly, fuck you up. MORE »

There’s a new restaurant opening in Chinatown called “Asian Spice,” and Booze Master ScottL wants you to help create a famous new cocktail. “I would love to put a Wonkettini on the menu and thought it might be amusing if the commenters suggest a tasty libation befitting the name,” ScottL writes. MORE »

• GOOD SWEET JESUS GOD: We’ve gotten a few million “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS” e-mails this afternoon, or at least a few dozen, for Paultardpalooza. Among the respondents were an elitist lawyer and a house of six interns! Ha ha, and they all consider Ron Paul to be comical. We will see you at 9:30 a.m. at the Tune Inn, but if things get a little overcrowded, we may move next door to the Hawk ‘n’ Dove, which opens at 10 a.m. If you’re a SLACKER and show up late to find that the Tune Inn is a Ghost Town, hopefully the kindly barkeep will let us post a sign on the door saying something like “FREE CHEESY MUFFINS NEXT DOOR –>.”

We have our plans for Paultardpalooza, finally. We will meet at the gloriously iconic dive bar, the Tune Inn, at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow. We decided on the Tune Inn after calling various Capitol Hill bars and asking, “How early do you start serving alcohol in the morning?” Most places awkwardly tried to hang up, but the Tune Inn gave us a hearty “8 a.m.!” in response, and we appreciated that. MORE IMPORTANT DETAILS AFTER THE JUMP. MORE »

The Paultards are onto us, the “addicts and derelicts.” We were only planning on going to the March drunk, not on drugs, although that sounds like a pretty good idea now that they’ve mentioned it. Anyway, we’ll have details for our 9 a.m. Saturday Paultardpalooza Pre-gaming by the end of the afternoon. If you’re interested in coming (most likely to a bar around Capitol Hill), please send an e-mail to tips@wonkette.com, with subject line “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS.” We just want to get a basic headcount. [Ron Paul Forums]

The only worthwhile event in Washington all summer is finally happening this weekend: The R[EVOL]UTION MARCH, in support of failed presidential candidate Dr. Ron Paul, in which he will be joining the most Paultarded of Paultards in a march along Constitution Ave. — that, my friends, is not an accident — to the Capitol, which they will firebomb with flaming crossbows. We will proudly be attending this Saturday. Details! MORE »

Newlywed first daughter “Jenna Bush Hager” of course has been dragged to Baltimore to live with her elitist husband, Henry. What kind of fun does Baltimore offer for the upper crust of society? A bar, a bar, a bar, thank god, a bar: “South Baltimore newbie Jenna Bush seems to have settled on a watering hole she likes: Regi’s American Bistro in Federal Hill. I hear she’s been in several times, including Wednesday, when she was spotted with six girlfriends. All looked very ‘Texas,’ says my spy. ‘Hair all polished up and little fancy outfits.’ A guy who answered the phone at the pub confirmed that Dubya’s daughter had been in before. Pressed for details, he would only say this much: ‘She was there. I just saw her.’” The food looks really good at Jenna’s bar! Too bad she’ll never try any of it. [Baltimore Sun via Inside Charm City]

Here’s nutty Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe making good on his promise to do shots with Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski, today, at like 7 a.m. They are downing “Puerto Rican rum,” as Terry gladly points out — it’s a very exclusive brand known as “regular Bacardi.” Then they talk about politics for a while, and Mika touches him at the end, and now we know that they are having an affair, forever. [MSNBC]

Hillary Clinton is the drunkest lady ever to run for president, because she is unhappy. But Barack Obama is also a lush and a cocaine user too! A couple weeks ago, Barry went to a bar and ordered a BEER — Pennsylvania’s Yuengling lager, specifically, which is utterly drinkable and cheap as the Dickens! This was during Barry’s working class bus tour, where he asked such funny working class questions as, “Is it expensive, though? … Wanna make sure it’s not some designer beer or something.” Designer beer, he says! This Commie is a real stitch. [YouTube]

Now you probably heard about this over the weekend, Hillary drinking the alcohol, because it is obviously the story of the campaign. The one that will determine the presidency. For a little more background: Hillary was being very working class this weekend by drinking alcohol and then shooting guns, in that order. This is what the poor blue-collars do, when not eating Mexicans or, conversely, shooting Mexicans. Take these factors, add some Jesus speak, take the square root and divide it by the average U.S. gas price ($3.37), don’t forget to carry the zero, and it equals OBAMA’S ELITISM. More picture of Hillary getting shitfaced in bitter sugary Indiana below. MORE »