Wonkette

Since January 2001, when our then-new President Bush gave his first fake State of the Union address — it was actually a “budget message,” as he had only been in the White House a few hours and hadn’t yet screwed up the country forever — America has gathered together for one glorious evening each January for our most precious freedom. Yes, we are talking about binge drinking while George W. Bush mispronounces common words on the teevee. MORE »

ALCOHOLIC PROGRAMMING NOTE: It’s State of the Union Day! And that means we’ll have an all-new SOTU Wonkette Drinking Game(TM) for you to play at home, with your friends and liver. How long have we done these SOTU bloggy drinking games? Long enough to make it an institution celebrated by the National Media, hooray! Don’t drink and drive, unless you’re a cop or a Kennedy, and check back in a few hours for the rules and ingredient list. (PS IF YOU’RE HOSTING A PUBLIC DRINKING GAME IN D.C. OR ELSEWHERE TONIGHT, EMAIL US NOW.) [Los Angeles Daily News]

Just because your friends won’t host a SOTU drinking-game festival doesn’t mean you have to sit at home alone with Dubya. Go on out there and have as good a time as anyone can have these days. There are parties at: MORE »

Before we start with this year’s greatest-ever Official Wonkette SOTU Drinking Game, let’s all remember to play fair and play mean. Here are the Rules:

* A “hit” (or “sip” for girls) is the basic unit of drinking of no offense to anybody.
* A “shot” is the standard 1.5-ounce serving of hard liquor; If your shot glass has a line midway around it, this is the 1-ounce level. Go ahead and add another half ounce.
* A “chug” is the act of consuming your entire beverage — usually beer — in a single terrible gulp.
* “Valium” is the trademarked name for the now-generic prescription benzodiazepine derivative. Substitute any Rx downer in your medicine cabinet if Diazepam is not available.
* A “rail” is two 1.5-inch-long lines of cocaine or methamphetamine. Get it, like a little railroad! But in these more innocent days, most people mean a single line when they say “rail.” We mean two lines.
* If you don’t have a gun, keep a heavy cast-iron skillet and a box of rat poison near your television.

Let the games begin, after the jump ….

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Because you’ve asked, repeatedly, here is the official Wonkette SOTU 2007 Schedule: MORE »

Thanks to the Wonkette Operative who sent us the most insane Election Night Drinking Game regulations in the history of drinking.

Not only are they ridiculous, but guests are apparently supposed to memorize four pages of arcane nonsense, and then remember it all as they’re “punished” with increasingly large doses of liquor.

The whole thing, after the jump.

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