It’s been a long hard road, people. We’ve had some hard times, havin’ some hard times still. But fellow Americans, one thing is true, so undeniably true: George W. Motherfucking Bush Junior is gone. Yes he is! Feels good. Feels good knowing that ignorant motherfucker is back in Dallas, let Texas have him back, right? Back with his own goddammned people, the old America, the old dumb America. Let’s drink to Change tonight, and Hope, and to a variety of other words and phrases we expect to hear as President Barack Obama makes his first address to a joint session of Congress. It’s the first-ever historical President Barack Obama drinking game! MORE »

Wait, we only have an hour left to put together a drinking game? That’s not enough time to create high-quality alcoholic comedy! Well, we shall do our best — if by “our best” you mean, “We’ll just throw together a quick phrase/drink list and you can give it a try, at home!” MORE »

NO MORE DRINKING GAMES, JUST DRINKING: Here’s your Tuesday Night Financial Apocalypse Obama-Biden Town Hall Debate Schedule. At 8:30 p.m. Eastern, join us for exciting pre-debate live-blogging, followed by hours of crazy debate and post-debate liveblogging from your editors, including Sara K., who is back at work, finally. Because of the National Crisis, there are no more frivolous drinking games. Just lots of quiet, angry drinking. [MSNBC Debates]

Enough with the high-concept drinking games, the fancy prose, and the unrealistic situations — that you are drinking “with friends,” for example. By this time next year, you might be sharing a storage space with your entire extended family, so let’s go ahead and enjoy the luxury of drinking alone and yelling at the teevee, one more time together. Also, we are all poor now, so the beverages will be dramatically simplified. Cheap beer, box wine and a plastic gallon jug of “Vodka City.” MORE »

Since January 2001, when our then-new President Bush gave his first fake State of the Union address — it was actually a “budget message,” as he had only been in the White House a few hours and hadn’t yet screwed up the country forever — America has gathered together for one glorious evening each January for our most precious freedom. Yes, we are talking about binge drinking while George W. Bush mispronounces common words on the teevee. MORE »

ALCOHOLIC PROGRAMMING NOTE: It’s State of the Union Day! And that means we’ll have an all-new SOTU Wonkette Drinking Game(TM) for you to play at home, with your friends and liver. How long have we done these SOTU bloggy drinking games? Long enough to make it an institution celebrated by the National Media, hooray! Don’t drink and drive, unless you’re a cop or a Kennedy, and check back in a few hours for the rules and ingredient list. (PS IF YOU’RE HOSTING A PUBLIC DRINKING GAME IN D.C. OR ELSEWHERE TONIGHT, EMAIL US NOW.) [Los Angeles Daily News]

Just because your friends won’t host a SOTU drinking-game festival doesn’t mean you have to sit at home alone with Dubya. Go on out there and have as good a time as anyone can have these days. There are parties at: MORE »

Before we start with this year’s greatest-ever Official Wonkette SOTU Drinking Game, let’s all remember to play fair and play mean. Here are the Rules:

* A “hit” (or “sip” for girls) is the basic unit of drinking of no offense to anybody.
* A “shot” is the standard 1.5-ounce serving of hard liquor; If your shot glass has a line midway around it, this is the 1-ounce level. Go ahead and add another half ounce.
* A “chug” is the act of consuming your entire beverage — usually beer — in a single terrible gulp.
* “Valium” is the trademarked name for the now-generic prescription benzodiazepine derivative. Substitute any Rx downer in your medicine cabinet if Diazepam is not available.
* A “rail” is two 1.5-inch-long lines of cocaine or methamphetamine. Get it, like a little railroad! But in these more innocent days, most people mean a single line when they say “rail.” We mean two lines.
* If you don’t have a gun, keep a heavy cast-iron skillet and a box of rat poison near your television.

Let the games begin, after the jump ….

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Because you’ve asked, repeatedly, here is the official Wonkette SOTU 2007 Schedule: MORE »

Thanks to the Wonkette Operative who sent us the most insane Election Night Drinking Game regulations in the history of drinking.

Not only are they ridiculous, but guests are apparently supposed to memorize four pages of arcane nonsense, and then remember it all as they’re “punished” with increasingly large doses of liquor.

The whole thing, after the jump.

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