Wonkette

Can you read that caption, or are your eyes swollen shut from playing our beloved SOTU Drinking Game? It’s apparently one of the main hobbies of Americans now. We are proud to be part of this grand institution started in 1776 by Tom Paine, the first alcoholic blogger. Anyway, that’s a guy stocking up his personal bar for the State of the Union address. [AFP/Yahoo]

This historic occasion deserves two posts on Wonkette, because pretty much anything deserves at least two posts on Wonkette. Anyway, George W. Bush is solving the economies right now. Are you excited? He is going to let us trust patients and doctors, and there will be, uh, some kind of government bonds we can purchase with the money we don’t have to keep our homes out of foreclosure. MORE »

Mr. President George W. Bush is about to get in the hearse! And then the long scary car is going to drive, uh, a few blocks to Capitol Hill, and they won’t be stopping for red lights. So if this was your big night to stop the Iraq War by, say, blocking the crosswalks … well, good luck with that. Let’s liveblog this freaking thing and immediately forgot it ever happened. MORE »

Since January 2001, when our then-new President Bush gave his first fake State of the Union address — it was actually a “budget message,” as he had only been in the White House a few hours and hadn’t yet screwed up the country forever — America has gathered together for one glorious evening each January for our most precious freedom. Yes, we are talking about binge drinking while George W. Bush mispronounces common words on the teevee. MORE »

ALCOHOLIC PROGRAMMING NOTE: It’s State of the Union Day! And that means we’ll have an all-new SOTU Wonkette Drinking Game(TM) for you to play at home, with your friends and liver. How long have we done these SOTU bloggy drinking games? Long enough to make it an institution celebrated by the National Media, hooray! Don’t drink and drive, unless you’re a cop or a Kennedy, and check back in a few hours for the rules and ingredient list. (PS IF YOU’RE HOSTING A PUBLIC DRINKING GAME IN D.C. OR ELSEWHERE TONIGHT, EMAIL US NOW.) [Los Angeles Daily News]

Wonkette commenter BlinkyThe3EyedFish came up with a pretty great drinking game for tonight. Maybe there really is hope for America!

Oh, and before we get to the game (after the jump), here are the actual details for tonight’s thrilling episode of “Grumpy Old Men: The Series.” The debate starts at 8 p.m. Washington time, 5 p.m. Los Angeles time. In order to remind the audience that it’s a presidential debate and not just a bunch of senile old guys talking about their cancer surgeries, there will be a large prop behind the geezers: Air Force One. A total of 10 white Republican men will take part, with about seven of them anxious to be the night’s “Mike Gravel.” Courtesy of Mitt Romney, all candidates will have to be tested on the E-meter for excess Thetans.

OK, let’s make our list for the liquor store ….

MORE »

• Republican congressman keeps day job after trying hand at blogging, comedy. [The Hill Blog]

• Two-and-a-half years in office and Schwarzenegger is still shocked by how redneck California actually is. [AP]
• If Kos is getting paid to hate Lieberman then his credibility will be, well, about the same as ours. [The Nation]
• Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah gives $1.5 billion, with a “b,” to aid Lebanese reconstruction efforts; feels the same way you do after dropping a nickel on the street. [AKI]
• Jon Stewart is so predictable you can set your binge drinking by him. [Comedy Central] MORE »

We’ve got our night all planned out. Once we’ve finished the candy we collected from Jesse Jackson’s decimated paper-mache torso, we’ll sit down in front of the ol’ electronic hearth, pour out a drink (Wild Turkey 101, neat), and turn on C-SPAN to figure out the State of our crazy, mixed-up Union. MORE »