drinking
This Friendly Republican Will Help Us All Get Drunk At The Democratic Convention
What is the best part of being in town at national political conventions? Seeing the speeches in person? Meeting an array of interesting activists? No, those are the worst parts — the best part is getting wasted and flopping around and pissing in the middle of the street while political activity is occurring in nearby [...]
Meanwhile, In Congress, A Veritable Donnybrook Erupts Over Libations
Oops, it’s Friday, better check in on our beloved 112th Congress to see if they did anything (please god, spare us) or even showed up this week. Good heavens… fisticuffs? “One congressman accused another of drinking on the job in the midst of a tense exchange Wednesday night over whether the House would debate an [...]
Liveblogging the Sorry State of the Union! Which Is Still Around!
Yo yo yo! We are not hosting a children’s Game of Thrones-themed birthday party with Obama as the entertainment/clown, as this picture might indicate. But we ARE conveying to you the state of the State of the Union of 2012! Which — here that thing is. The boring old Oval Office has already LEAKED INFORMATIONS [...]
Photos: America Pounds Beers In Celebration At Ground Zero
Last night, Americans heard the news about Osama bin Laden and flocked to the site where the World Trade Center once stood. And they arrived on this hallowed ground, they held up signs, tried to get themselves on teevee, and yelled celebratory chants, including “SEND THEM HOME.” But most of all, these people got drunk. [...]
Bush Reveals How To Become President: Just Quit Boozin’
The revelations from George W. Bush’s blockbuster graphic novel, Stuff I Did, continue to slam America when it is most vulnerable and butt-hurt. For example, the longest serving president of the 21st Century (really, so far!) says he would’ve never been our beloved national leader had he kept his fun drinking habit. Imagine that! Just [...]
Eleanor Holmes Norton Invites Stephen Colbert To Binge Drink With Her
This is irresponsible and encourages America’s young people to drink alcohol until they are poisoned: D.C. Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton has issued a challenge to Stephen Colbert: See if you can handle “Eleanor’s Revenge.” Norton—who has an ongoing feud with Colbert over his jokes about D.C.’s lack of voting rights—has sent out a “set of [...]
A Semi-Comprehensive Guide To PBR
What better drink to enjoy when you and yours snuggle on the couch to watch some good old-fashioned queeran burning this Saturday? PBR, of course! A beer that reminds us that good things can come from Real America. Whether you think it tastes like pee or you actually enjoy it, here’s (almost) everywhere you can [...]
The Final Countdown: Enjoy the Heat Before Snowmageddon Returns
It’s time to assess whether you’ve been doing enough drinking on outdoor patios this summer. Well, HAVE YOU? The three-day-drunk-fest that marks the end of summer is but one month away. Whether your fun comes courtesy of slave reparations or not, you can have just as lavish a last month of summer as Sasha Obama, [...]
Relive Your Childhood With Your Best Friend, Booze
Washingtonians are borderline alcoholics. We welcome this fun fact with open arms because drinking is fun, helps DC’s economy, and makes everyone look so pretty. But here we have something new: Did you know that Washingtonians secretly wish they drank more as children? That every time they successfully hula-hooped or passed 100 on skip-it they [...]
The Newest Addition To Drunken Late Night DC Eating
Many DC denizens, if given enough seed money to start a business, would rather invest it in something “fun,” like cocaine. Others, like the Fojol Brothers of Merlindia, opt to buy a food truck, travel around DC and feed drunk people delicious (and healthy!) Indian food.
Welfare Recipients Should Say No To Drugs, Yes To Cheap American Beer
So this news channel embedded deep in Bitters country — West Virginia, Ohio, and Kentucky — runs the occasional poll asking such probing questions as “Do you plan to buy mulch from the city of Charleston?” Here is a new favorite. [WSAZ Polls]
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