Tag Archives: dream act

  You May Not Say He's A Dreamer

Jeb Bush Asks Media For Help Slurring Brown Babies

Might need changing, might just be gassy
Might need changing, might just be gassy Jeb! Bush continued a family tradition this week: say something stupid, then say something even MORE stupid in an attempt to explain the first stupid thing. Read more on Jeb Bush Asks Media For Help Slurring Brown Babies…
  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place

Bachmann kept trying to get the Riddler into Conversion Therapy
Oh, dear lord, Iowa is going to be like a superdense mass of Dumb this weekend, as Rep. Steve King and Citizens United host the “Iowa Freedom Summit” — kind of a Moronic Convergence of rightwing political hacks all coming together to hang out with the man who proclaimed that DREAM Act kids were mostly “drug mules with thighs calves the size of cantaloupes” [how quickly we forget!] and who fretted about the president hosting a “deportable” at the State of the Union. Read more on Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place…
  Joe Arpaio Me Oh My Oh

America’s Toughest Sheriff And Dumbest Lawyer Team Up To Sue Obama

He IS Justice!
In what promises to be a Very Important Legal Challenge to an out of control dictator, serial publicity whore Joe Arpaio, who’d rather play Border Patrol than enforce boring laws about robbery and sexual assault and stuff, has teamed up with failed revolutionary and terrible lawyer Larry Klayman to file a lawsuit against Barack Obama and his completely unconstitutional executive order on immigration. It may very well be the nation’s last best hope at preserving liberty, unless of course it gets thrown out by some biased Jewish judge. Or a mean lady judge. Read more on America’s Toughest Sheriff And Dumbest Lawyer Team Up To Sue Obama…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Remember When That ‘Reporter’ Yelled At Obama About Immigration? (Video)

We just love the woman leaning forward in disbelief
To kick off her recap of how Barack Obama shredded the Constitution for the 165th time, Rachel Maddow reminds us of that exciting moment in 2012 when Barry was announcing his Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) executive order, and while he was speaking, some moron who works at Tucker Carlson’s website started yelling at him. It was a pretty special moment that seems emblematic of the Spirit of the Age — or as our Jim Newell said at the time, “Pure bad faith, baby, that’s how we roll in the Greatest Country In The History Of The World these days.” Read more on Morning Maddow: Remember When That ‘Reporter’ Yelled At Obama About Immigration? (Video)…
  putting the fun in fundraising

Maryland Gov Martin O’Malley Reduced To Begging On The Streets For Dimes

Holy crap, 2016 fundraising is rough, especially if you are a Democrat not named Hillary Clinton. How rough? Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley spent the weekend engaging in his most aggressive push for campaign cash yet, and his office refuses to release how much he raised. What was his tactic? Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley (D), who is weighing a 2016 presidential bid, spent part of his Memorial Day doubling as a street musician in downtown Annapolis. Maybe he was just practicing in case Arsenio Hall, circa 1991, called.  Read more on Maryland Gov Martin O’Malley Reduced To Begging On The Streets For Dimes…
  f*ck this guy

Louie Gohmert: Why Won’t Obama Stop Sex-Trafficking The Mexican Children?

President Obama can’t do anything right, especially when it comes to kids. For some reason, he will not personally fly to Nigeria to rescue kidnapped schoolgirls, probably because he is lazy. Or maybe it’s because he is pro-child sex trafficking. What, you didn’t know that Obama was totes cool with child sex trafficking? ARE YOU BLIND AND DEAF, SHEEPLE? Let’s let the most authoritative voice on immigration explain it to you: “When legal status and amnesty is talked about here in Washington, it becomes a magnet and draws people in. And for all of the children that are drawn in illegally, you know that some get sucked into sex slavery,” [Rep. Louie] Gohmert said Monday. LOGIC BOMB, BITCHEZZZ. You can’t argue with that. It is ironclad, impenetrable logic, so don’t even try to give it like eighty-four Pinocchios, PolitFascists! It’s clear that even talking about immigration reform makes kids come to the United States to be sex trafficked, leading to Gohmert’s new campaign slogan against immigration reform: Loose Lips Sink Ships Leads Directly to Child Sex Trafficking So Shut Up About It Already. He’s not a very poetic guy. Read more on Louie Gohmert: Why Won’t Obama Stop Sex-Trafficking The Mexican Children?…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy

Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. Moore to complain that we STOLED her brilliant idea that was hers first. And so we proudly present “Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore.” Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy…
  shut yo mouth!

Obama Appeases Heckler As If Heckler Were Iranian Mullah Or Something

Watch live streaming video from theuptake at livestream.com See that video, up there yonder? That is Prezzy B. Barry Bamz talking about immigration reform or something, who even knows, everyone hates him so much now because of “second term I hate you” disease we can barely even stand the sight of him. HOW DARE YOU STILL BE PRESIDENT NOBAMA WE ARE BOOOOORED BOOOOOORED AND ALSO UR A LOOSER. But the twitters started saying a heckler had heckled old Bamzy up there, and we like hecklers, because we have bad manners, so we decided to watch it. Eighteen hundred hours and 42 minutes later, the heckler sewed his scrotum on and heckled our Smooth B from RIGHT UP THERE ON THE DAIS! That is ballsy, heckler! Who even let that heckler up there? Did he sneak his way in by promising he’d pretend to “faint”? Somebody fire the White House Social Secretary! Again! Read more on Obama Appeases Heckler As If Heckler Were Iranian Mullah Or Something…
  let x = wtf

Congresscritter Gary Miller Knows Immigrants’ Pain, Because He Moved From Arkansas To California

August is such a slow news month. Thankfully, members of Congress seem to insist on saying stupid stuff at town halls, for which Yr Wonkette is very grateful. For instance, how about this brilliant “I feel your pain” moment from California Rep. Gary Miller? At a Republican breakfast event last Friday, Miller was confronted by several undocumented young people whose parents had brought them to the U.S. as children. When two of them urged Miller to support immigration reform, he replied, Read more on Congresscritter Gary Miller Knows Immigrants’ Pain, Because He Moved From Arkansas To California…
  victory tour

Iowa Rep. Steve King Wins The Morning With Anti-Immigration Rally For Crowd Of Tens

Iowa congressman Steve King was the star speaker at a “Stop Amnesty” rally in Richmond, Virginia, Monday, and supporters stayed away in droves — the crowd was estimated at between 30 and 60 people, almost none of whom appeared to be valedictorians or drug mules with calves the size of cantaloupes. Despite the disappointing turnout, King offered more of his trademark crazy, warning that Latins will sap and impurify America’s precious bodily fluids: If you bring people from a violent civilization into a less-violent civilization, you’re going to have more violence right? It’s like pouring hot water into cold water, does it raise the temperature or not? It’s a compelling case for not letting Americans move to British Columbia, we suppose. Read more on Iowa Rep. Steve King Wins The Morning With Anti-Immigration Rally For Crowd Of Tens…
  he is the way and the truth and the derp

Steve King Explains How Steve King Is Jesus

It seems like it was just yesterday we were writing about Steve King, probably because it was just yesterday we were writing about Steve King. So yesterday King doubled down on his whole drug mules with cantaloupe calves thing after people were like WTF really? Today, Steve King went in front of the House to double-double down and also to explain how he is just like Jesus: Read more on Steve King Explains How Steve King Is Jesus…
  brains the size of really small grapes

Congresscritter Steve King’s Fan Fiction About Ubermenschen Mexican Drug Mules Is Getting Really Weird, You Guys

You know what is the fucking worst? Your angry uncle/aunt/cousin/dog/toaster/whatever who tries to derail holiday conversations by just dropping into the middle of them with some fact-free racist bullshit. If your toaster got elected to Congress, it would be Steve King. What is Uncle Steve blathering on about this time? The Messicans, of course, and how they’re all drug mules hauling the marijuana because of course they are: In an interview with the conservative website Newsmax, the anti-immigration crusader was asked about “amnesty” and the DREAM Act, which would give undocumented immigrants who were brought to the U.S. as children a path to permanent residency. The Iowa congressman had this to say about “DREAMers”: “Some of them are valedictorians — and their parents brought them in. It wasn’t their fault. It’s true in some cases, but they aren’t all valedictorians. They weren’t all brought in by their parents. For every one who’s a valedictorian, there’s another 100 out there who weigh 130 pounds — and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’ve been hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert.” Read more on Congresscritter Steve King’s Fan Fiction About Ubermenschen Mexican Drug Mules Is Getting Really Weird, You Guys…
  Great Moments In Cowering

More Nice Time: Immigrant-Hating Iowa Rep. Steve King Terrified, Shamed By Polite Messican Children, Other Browns

What happens to a DREAMer deferred? Apparently, s/he and a bunch of friends show up at Rep. Steve King’s Capitol Hill office to shame him for being such a hateful, small, cowardly, xenophobic shitstain toward human beings who were born in other, browner countries. Of course, not being human himself, but rather a crusty, gross old shitstain, perhaps Steve King gets a pass on the whole “has not a shred of empathy” thing. Anyway, good on these kids—they got a Twitter response from King that we feel rates “Instant Classic!” Read more on More Nice Time: Immigrant-Hating Iowa Rep. Steve King Terrified, Shamed By Polite Messican Children, Other Browns…
  buh-bye

Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him

Mitt Romney was lonely. A week after the election, and all anybody was laughing at was Karl Rove and Fox News and Dick Morris and Gallup, and people had kind of forgotten Mitt himself, the onetime standard-bearer of the GOP. Had he himself not shit the bed? Was he not the master of his own destiny? How come nobody was blaming him for the Republican Party smashing itself to pieces? Well, the Tea Party was, but did they even count, with their manmade, unbreathable fabrics and their slipcovered couches? No, for Mitt Romney to be blamed properly, it must be by the Elite, not the anti-government warriors scraping by month to month on their disability checks. Read more on Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him…
  Messicans

Hero Gov Jan Brewer Protects Arizona From Scourge Of DREAM Act Kids Getting Drivers Licenses

Well HI Arizona, what are you doing to be the greatest state in the union today? In one corner, we have Louisiana, which allows your child to learn about the Loch Ness monster in science class (except if your child is Islamic, and thus doesn’t deserve to learn about the Loch Ness monster), and in another corner, we have Mississippi, which jails children in order to keep them safe from themselves. But in THIS corner, we have Arizona, whose governor signed an executive order on Wednesday protecting DMV employees from teen Messicans. Winner winner chicken dinner? Read more on Hero Gov Jan Brewer Protects Arizona From Scourge Of DREAM Act Kids Getting Drivers Licenses…
  wingnuts furious

Obama Outrageously Politicizes 4th Of July Naturalization Ceremony By Mentioning Immigration

One of the nicer Independence Day traditions in this country is the swearing-in of new citizens by the President of the USA. Jaded though we may be in this modern age of instant worldwide communications, 24-hour news cycles, and flying robotic kittycat death drones, we nevertheless actually get a little misty-eyed at the idea that, on the holiday celebrating the nation’s founding, the actual freakin’ PRESIDENT welcomes a bunch of new citizens to enjoy the full rights and responsibilities of being Americans. It’s really kind of awesome. Ah, but not so fast, you sentimental goons! What if that POTUS is himself maybe an illegal alien (we’re not saying he is, but the question has been raised by some) who thinks that maybe it would be a good idea to not deport every last foreign-born child ever? Then we are talking about an entirely different kettle of Indonesian flying fish! And even worse, what if that POTUS uses the occasion of that citizenship ceremony to suggest that American immigration policy might possibly be changed? Well, then, friends and neighbors, what you have is an unprecedented politicization of a sacred national day! Breitbart editor Ben Shapiro, that Platonic Ideal of a bloviating wingnut, is terribly sad for America, because “Even on July 4, President Obama can’t stop campaigning.” Inconceivable! How could a President even think of the election on the 4th of July in an election year? Read more on Obama Outrageously Politicizes 4th Of July Naturalization Ceremony By Mentioning Immigration…