Tag Archives: dream act

  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place

Bachmann kept trying to get the Riddler into Conversion Therapy
Oh, dear lord, Iowa is going to be like a superdense mass of Dumb this weekend, as Rep. Steve King and Citizens United host the “Iowa Freedom Summit” — kind of a Moronic Convergence of rightwing political hacks all coming together to hang out with the man who proclaimed that DREAM Act kids were mostly “drug mules with thighs calves the size of cantaloupes” [how quickly we forget!] and who fretted about the president hosting a “deportable” at the State of the Union. Read more on Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place…
  Joe Arpaio Me Oh My Oh

America’s Toughest Sheriff And Dumbest Lawyer Team Up To Sue Obama

He IS Justice!
In what promises to be a Very Important Legal Challenge to an out of control dictator, serial publicity whore Joe Arpaio, who’d rather play Border Patrol than enforce boring laws about robbery and sexual assault and stuff, has teamed up with failed revolutionary and terrible lawyer Larry Klayman to file a lawsuit against Barack Obama and his completely unconstitutional executive order on immigration. It may very well be the nation’s last best hope at preserving liberty, unless of course it gets thrown out by some biased Jewish judge. Or a mean lady judge. Read more on America’s Toughest Sheriff And Dumbest Lawyer Team Up To Sue Obama…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Remember When That ‘Reporter’ Yelled At Obama About Immigration? (Video)

We just love the woman leaning forward in disbelief
To kick off her recap of how Barack Obama shredded the Constitution for the 165th time, Rachel Maddow reminds us of that exciting moment in 2012 when Barry was announcing his Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) executive order, and while he was speaking, some moron who works at Tucker Carlson’s website started yelling at him. It was a pretty special moment that seems emblematic of the Spirit of the Age — or as our Jim Newell said at the time, “Pure bad faith, baby, that’s how we roll in the Greatest Country In The History Of The World these days.” Read more on Morning Maddow: Remember When That ‘Reporter’ Yelled At Obama About Immigration? (Video)…
  putting the fun in fundraising

Maryland Gov Martin O’Malley Reduced To Begging On The Streets For Dimes

Holy crap, 2016 fundraising is rough, especially if you are a Democrat not named Hillary Clinton. How rough? Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley spent the weekend engaging in his most aggressive push for campaign cash yet, and his office refuses to release how much he raised. What was his tactic? Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley (D), who is weighing a 2016 presidential bid, spent part of his Memorial Day doubling as a street musician in downtown Annapolis. Maybe he was just practicing in case Arsenio Hall, circa 1991, called.  Read more on Maryland Gov Martin O’Malley Reduced To Begging On The Streets For Dimes…
  f*ck this guy

Louie Gohmert: Why Won’t Obama Stop Sex-Trafficking The Mexican Children?

President Obama can’t do anything right, especially when it comes to kids. For some reason, he will not personally fly to Nigeria to rescue kidnapped schoolgirls, probably because he is lazy. Or maybe it’s because he is pro-child sex trafficking. What, you didn’t know that Obama was totes cool with child sex trafficking? ARE YOU BLIND AND DEAF, SHEEPLE? Let’s let the most authoritative voice on immigration explain it to you: “When legal status and amnesty is talked about here in Washington, it becomes a magnet and draws people in. And for all of the children that are drawn in illegally, you know that some get sucked into sex slavery,” [Rep. Louie] Gohmert said Monday. LOGIC BOMB, BITCHEZZZ. You can’t argue with that. It is ironclad, impenetrable logic, so don’t even try to give it like eighty-four Pinocchios, PolitFascists! It’s clear that even talking about immigration reform makes kids come to the United States to be sex trafficked, leading to Gohmert’s new campaign slogan against immigration reform: Loose Lips Sink Ships Leads Directly to Child Sex Trafficking So Shut Up About It Already. He’s not a very poetic guy. Read more on Louie Gohmert: Why Won’t Obama Stop Sex-Trafficking The Mexican Children?…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy

Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. Moore to complain that we STOLED her brilliant idea that was hers first. And so we proudly present “Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore.” Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy…
  shut yo mouth!

Obama Appeases Heckler As If Heckler Were Iranian Mullah Or Something

Watch live streaming video from theuptake at livestream.com See that video, up there yonder? That is Prezzy B. Barry Bamz talking about immigration reform or something, who even knows, everyone hates him so much now because of “second term I hate you” disease we can barely even stand the sight of him. HOW DARE YOU STILL BE PRESIDENT NOBAMA WE ARE BOOOOORED BOOOOOORED AND ALSO UR A LOOSER. But the twitters started saying a heckler had heckled old Bamzy up there, and we like hecklers, because we have bad manners, so we decided to watch it. Eighteen hundred hours and 42 minutes later, the heckler sewed his scrotum on and heckled our Smooth B from RIGHT UP THERE ON THE DAIS! That is ballsy, heckler! Who even let that heckler up there? Did he sneak his way in by promising he’d pretend to “faint”? Somebody fire the White House Social Secretary! Again! Read more on Obama Appeases Heckler As If Heckler Were Iranian Mullah Or Something…
  let x = wtf

Congresscritter Gary Miller Knows Immigrants’ Pain, Because He Moved From Arkansas To California

August is such a slow news month. Thankfully, members of Congress seem to insist on saying stupid stuff at town halls, for which Yr Wonkette is very grateful. For instance, how about this brilliant “I feel your pain” moment from California Rep. Gary Miller? At a Republican breakfast event last Friday, Miller was confronted by several undocumented young people whose parents had brought them to the U.S. as children. When two of them urged Miller to support immigration reform, he replied, Read more on Congresscritter Gary Miller Knows Immigrants’ Pain, Because He Moved From Arkansas To California…
  victory tour

Iowa Rep. Steve King Wins The Morning With Anti-Immigration Rally For Crowd Of Tens

Iowa congressman Steve King was the star speaker at a “Stop Amnesty” rally in Richmond, Virginia, Monday, and supporters stayed away in droves — the crowd was estimated at between 30 and 60 people, almost none of whom appeared to be valedictorians or drug mules with calves the size of cantaloupes. Despite the disappointing turnout, King offered more of his trademark crazy, warning that Latins will sap and impurify America’s precious bodily fluids: If you bring people from a violent civilization into a less-violent civilization, you’re going to have more violence right? It’s like pouring hot water into cold water, does it raise the temperature or not? It’s a compelling case for not letting Americans move to British Columbia, we suppose. Read more on Iowa Rep. Steve King Wins The Morning With Anti-Immigration Rally For Crowd Of Tens…
  he is the way and the truth and the derp

Steve King Explains How Steve King Is Jesus

It seems like it was just yesterday we were writing about Steve King, probably because it was just yesterday we were writing about Steve King. So yesterday King doubled down on his whole drug mules with cantaloupe calves thing after people were like WTF really? Today, Steve King went in front of the House to double-double down and also to explain how he is just like Jesus: Read more on Steve King Explains How Steve King Is Jesus…
  brains the size of really small grapes

Congresscritter Steve King’s Fan Fiction About Ubermenschen Mexican Drug Mules Is Getting Really Weird, You Guys

You know what is the fucking worst? Your angry uncle/aunt/cousin/dog/toaster/whatever who tries to derail holiday conversations by just dropping into the middle of them with some fact-free racist bullshit. If your toaster got elected to Congress, it would be Steve King. What is Uncle Steve blathering on about this time? The Messicans, of course, and how they’re all drug mules hauling the marijuana because of course they are: In an interview with the conservative website Newsmax, the anti-immigration crusader was asked about “amnesty” and the DREAM Act, which would give undocumented immigrants who were brought to the U.S. as children a path to permanent residency. The Iowa congressman had this to say about “DREAMers”: “Some of them are valedictorians — and their parents brought them in. It wasn’t their fault. It’s true in some cases, but they aren’t all valedictorians. They weren’t all brought in by their parents. For every one who’s a valedictorian, there’s another 100 out there who weigh 130 pounds — and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’ve been hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert.” Read more on Congresscritter Steve King’s Fan Fiction About Ubermenschen Mexican Drug Mules Is Getting Really Weird, You Guys…
  Great Moments In Cowering

More Nice Time: Immigrant-Hating Iowa Rep. Steve King Terrified, Shamed By Polite Messican Children, Other Browns

What happens to a DREAMer deferred? Apparently, s/he and a bunch of friends show up at Rep. Steve King’s Capitol Hill office to shame him for being such a hateful, small, cowardly, xenophobic shitstain toward human beings who were born in other, browner countries. Of course, not being human himself, but rather a crusty, gross old shitstain, perhaps Steve King gets a pass on the whole “has not a shred of empathy” thing. Anyway, good on these kids—they got a Twitter response from King that we feel rates “Instant Classic!” Read more on More Nice Time: Immigrant-Hating Iowa Rep. Steve King Terrified, Shamed By Polite Messican Children, Other Browns…
  buh-bye

Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him

Mitt Romney was lonely. A week after the election, and all anybody was laughing at was Karl Rove and Fox News and Dick Morris and Gallup, and people had kind of forgotten Mitt himself, the onetime standard-bearer of the GOP. Had he himself not shit the bed? Was he not the master of his own destiny? How come nobody was blaming him for the Republican Party smashing itself to pieces? Well, the Tea Party was, but did they even count, with their manmade, unbreathable fabrics and their slipcovered couches? No, for Mitt Romney to be blamed properly, it must be by the Elite, not the anti-government warriors scraping by month to month on their disability checks. Read more on Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him…
  Messicans

Hero Gov Jan Brewer Protects Arizona From Scourge Of DREAM Act Kids Getting Drivers Licenses

Well HI Arizona, what are you doing to be the greatest state in the union today? In one corner, we have Louisiana, which allows your child to learn about the Loch Ness monster in science class (except if your child is Islamic, and thus doesn’t deserve to learn about the Loch Ness monster), and in another corner, we have Mississippi, which jails children in order to keep them safe from themselves. But in THIS corner, we have Arizona, whose governor signed an executive order on Wednesday protecting DMV employees from teen Messicans. Winner winner chicken dinner? Read more on Hero Gov Jan Brewer Protects Arizona From Scourge Of DREAM Act Kids Getting Drivers Licenses…
  wingnuts furious

Obama Outrageously Politicizes 4th Of July Naturalization Ceremony By Mentioning Immigration

One of the nicer Independence Day traditions in this country is the swearing-in of new citizens by the President of the USA. Jaded though we may be in this modern age of instant worldwide communications, 24-hour news cycles, and flying robotic kittycat death drones, we nevertheless actually get a little misty-eyed at the idea that, on the holiday celebrating the nation’s founding, the actual freakin’ PRESIDENT welcomes a bunch of new citizens to enjoy the full rights and responsibilities of being Americans. It’s really kind of awesome. Ah, but not so fast, you sentimental goons! What if that POTUS is himself maybe an illegal alien (we’re not saying he is, but the question has been raised by some) who thinks that maybe it would be a good idea to not deport every last foreign-born child ever? Then we are talking about an entirely different kettle of Indonesian flying fish! And even worse, what if that POTUS uses the occasion of that citizenship ceremony to suggest that American immigration policy might possibly be changed? Well, then, friends and neighbors, what you have is an unprecedented politicization of a sacred national day! Breitbart editor Ben Shapiro, that Platonic Ideal of a bloviating wingnut, is terribly sad for America, because “Even on July 4, President Obama can’t stop campaigning.” Inconceivable! How could a President even think of the election on the 4th of July in an election year? Read more on Obama Outrageously Politicizes 4th Of July Naturalization Ceremony By Mentioning Immigration…
  the other one

Ronald Reagan’s Other Son Says New Immigration Order Baby-Rapes Latinos

Michael “The Other One” Reagan has an eloquent column out today in “The Cagle Post” and it is so thoughtful and wise! Basically, Barack Nobama is Jerry Sandusky, child-raping Latinos, by changing immigration enforcement priorities for DHS and ICE. Let’s see: blah blah blah “Emperor Obama, Constitution, minions, bureaucrats, swatting pesky flies, Stalin-times-Idi Amin” … yes. Here it is: Now he’s doing to Latinos what Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky allegedly did to the children of Pennsylvania — using and abusing them. With his short-sighted politicking, Emperor Obama has hurt the Latino cause in the long run. Got it, Barack Obama is (ALLEGEDLY!) raping children in their bottoms, by letting them stay in the homes they grew up in so long as they are the world’s best children, have never ever ever been in trouble, and go to either the military or college. You can see how that is totally the same thing! Read more on Ronald Reagan’s Other Son Says New Immigration Order Baby-Rapes Latinos…
  rumors on the internets

Your American Dreams Are A Virus Against America

Do you have dreams, Wonkette commenters? I totally had one the other night about–wait, you want news? Oh, fine. Turns out Kickstarter is even worse than we thought! According to this article, it is destroying the economy because everyone is following their dreams. Yes, really. [Slate] Read more on Your American Dreams Are A Virus Against America…
  slate pitches

Mitt Romney Will Now Explain Why Implementing The Dream Act Hurts The Dream Act

It is hard to be Mitt Romney trying to decide what he wants people to think he believes about immigration. He has to strike just the right note: not alienating Latino voters while being totally and constantly bug-eyed, Jan Brewer-style racist for the GOP base. The most important part of this three-legged stool, though? Being the opposite of Barack Obama at all times! “I believe the status of young people who come here through no fault of their own is an important matter to be considered and should be solved on a long-term basis so they know what their future would be in this country,” Romney said. OK, Mitt Romney is for the Dream Act, fellows! You remember — the super-duper popular part of immigration reform that applies to kids who came here illegally before they were 16, and are good kids who want to either go to college or join the Army. How popular is the Dream Act? Three-fourths of Arizonans support it. So how do you think he will blame Obama for making it happen? Put on your thinking brain. Do you have a guess? Read more on Mitt Romney Will Now Explain Why Implementing The Dream Act Hurts The Dream Act…
  this week in mexicans

Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Anchor Babies Away!

Republicans are mad at Mexican lover Barack Obama because he wants to temporarily not destroy the lives of brown people who have lived in America pretty much their whole life by renditioning them to a country they have never lived in so they can starve in a lonely wasteland of fear. Go get em GOP! Always on the side of the little guy. We all know America is the greatest country in the world and everyone wants to come here for our shattered economy, fried twinkies, and so they can take part in murdering Arab children with sky robots. The problem is we are SO good that now we have to start being selective! This is why besides deporting old gross Mexicans and their demon music, some people want to go after their children who were raised here, made friends here, went to school here, loved here, and even fought in our illegal wars! (And some people want to go after their children who were born here, which is a whole other level of fucked-up racist.) Now many people who believe in strong immigration laws have a good point. Why should some weird-talker come in to our country when WE EARNED our stay by having our parents fuck here. Do you know how much effort it takes as a ghost sperm to convince your mom to fuck your dad? A. LOT. Don’t tell us we didn’t earn our keep. Read more on Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Anchor Babies Away!…
  ouch my uvula

Brutal Dictator Barack Obama Rams Messican-Loving Dream Act Down Everyone’s Throat

Perhaps you remember that heady last week of the pre-Tea Party Congress, when Harry Reid pushed about 57 major pieces of legislation through the Senate. (Nancy Pelosi had already passed them all through the House in about the first day and a half, and still had time for a mani-pedi.) But the one major piece of legislation that did not pass? The DREAM Act, the one about those terrible Messican children who come here at age eight and have the nerve to want to go to college. Well, here comes Barack Hussein NOBAMA to shove the DREAM Act down all our throats by using his executive powers in the form of an executive order telling DHS or ICE or Disney on Ice or whomever to stop deporting kids (under 30) who were here by the age of 16, and to give them work permits instead. TYRANNY! Stalin! Fidel Castro! Quick everybody, buy more guns! Read more on Brutal Dictator Barack Obama Rams Messican-Loving Dream Act Down Everyone’s Throat…
  mad dad

Mitt Romney Loses His Cool

We think this might have been how Bing Crosby looked when he got too much Scotch in him and started beating on his wife and kids. What brings the scary early scenes of The Stepfather out of mild-mannered Mittens? QUESTIONS! Questions about gay marriage, and children of undocumented workers getting in-state tuition, and medical marijuana, specifically! Don’t you want to ask any questions of significance? he asks the CBS reporter in Colorado — where, in fact, those are all issues of significance! At about two minutes in, his voice rises with stress, he interrupts repeatedly, he starts to get more and more carried away — he’s no Ted Nugent, that is clear, and no one gets raped or fellated in the angry interview — but he looks to be malfunctioning under his bio-inspired material resembling skin, his lips curled in a hate-smile pasted over his angry, anxious face. Then he gets it together again, because he is running for office for Pete’s sake, and you can stop watching. Read more on Mitt Romney Loses His Cool…
  obeying the orders of the little man in the fedora

Joe Manchin Sorry He Disappears When a Politically Dangerous Vote Happens

Newly elected Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) apologized Tuesday for missing two key votes over the weekend while attending a Christmas party. […] Manchin missed votes on the repeal of the military’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy and the DREAM Act, a controversial immigration bill. […] Read more on Joe Manchin Sorry He Disappears When a Politically Dangerous Vote Happens…