Tag Archives: downton abbey

  The similarities are EERIE

Congressmuffin Aaron Schock: I, Like Abe Lincoln, Am No Longer In Congress

This is how I felt after I freed the slaves!
The House Of Representatives is going into recess for two weeks, which means that ethically challenged CongressCheeks Aaron Schock had to do to his “So Long, Farewell” speech a few days early. Schock had previously promised to resign effective March 31, since the feds have started Just Asking about the various private planes, Katy Perry shows, and romance trips to India that Schock seems to have been spending taxpayer money on. Speaking to the House floor on Thursday, Schock said the usual blah blah about how he was grateful for the opportunity to serve the people in Peoria, God has a plan, etc. He stated that The Good Book (didn’t specify which, probably one of Martha Stewart’s guides to Good Things) says that “before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” He did not add, “and you looked FABULOUS!” Read more on Congressmuffin Aaron Schock: I, Like Abe Lincoln, Am No Longer In Congress…
  Gimme Gimme Schock Tweetment

Twitter Calmly Assesses The Nuances Of Aaron Schock’s Resignation

Meh, a penguin. It's pretty close to the Twitter logo, right?
You may have heard that Rep. Aaron Schock has suddenly resigned in the aftermath of the astonishing revelations in the final episode of HBO’s The Jinx. And has the unexpected departure of the Distinguished Gentleman From Instagram blown up a Tweetstorm? Has it ever! There are the de rigeur solemn statements of regret, of course: Read more on Twitter Calmly Assesses The Nuances Of Aaron Schock’s Resignation…
  There's always room for him at the Y-M-C-A

Congress-Model Aaron Schock Comes Out … Of Congress

Last tango in Washington!
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE! Aaron Schock, our beloved globetrotting Republican congressdarling from Illinois, the one what’s had all the ethics violations doggie-styling him for the last couple of months, is resigning his seat to spend more time posting hawt pictures on Instagram: Read more on Congress-Model Aaron Schock Comes Out … Of Congress…
  A massage to India

Aaron Schock Snuck Hot Male Personal Photographer On India Trip, How Romantic!

Rude journalists are just out for Illinois Congresscritter Aaron Schock’s blood these days, scouring his Instagram for pictures that look like they came from sexy, unreported trips that the taxpayers might have bought for him, due to what seems to be a pattern of ethics violations and questionable spending, and by golly it looks like they found another one! Read more on Aaron Schock Snuck Hot Male Personal Photographer On India Trip, How Romantic!…
  So many euphemisms for such a small man

Aaron Schock Has Cute Nickname For Private Planes Now, Calls Them ‘Software’

Just a man and his horse and his dog and his personal photographer and his perfect hair, you know, Congress stuff.
Our Aaron Schock thought the news on his fancy and questionable spending was going to stop, but he was wrong. The fetching congressman from Illinois has been known for many things lately, like having to pay the US Treasury back $30,000 in taxpayer and campaign funds, so that he could own his Downton Abbey office, instead of just using it because the taxpayers said it was cool. Then of course, we learned that he was also using tax moneys to pay for his own personal Jonathon, who is svelte and handy with a camera, because all good boys need personal photographers. We don’t know what else Jonathon helps with, maybe filing but probably definitely not backrubs. Read more on Aaron Schock Has Cute Nickname For Private Planes Now, Calls Them ‘Software’…
  He's trying to do the right thing be nice

Aaron Schock’s Ass Writes Check For Downton Abbey Office, US Treasury Cashes It

Hello, hot Republican boyfriend Aaron Schock, what are we doing with our time today? Oh, me? Nothing, just checking in with you. Oh, you finally had to write a check to the United States Treasury for that free-stylin’ Downton Abbey office your friend Annie Brahler made for you? That sucks, I thought we were going to go to Bali on a sexy trip, maybe get photographer Jonathon to take some sweet-ass pictures of us riding dolphins side by side while high-fiving each other, guess we’ll have to put that on OUR BUCKET LIST for later when we have more money, RUDE: Read more on Aaron Schock’s Ass Writes Check For Downton Abbey Office, US Treasury Cashes It…
  Wonkette stays on top of Aaron Schock

Aaron Schock Hires Nice Lawyers To Fix All His Not-Gay Ethics Violations

Oh, Aaron Schock, we have so missed reporting on you for the last three days or so! But we are back, because things continue to go poorly for you, you dumb, cuddly animal, and we promise we will not leave your side again, as long as you keep doing dumb, cuddly things. Read more on Aaron Schock Hires Nice Lawyers To Fix All His Not-Gay Ethics Violations…
  Schock Week

Aaron Schock’s Staffer Resigns To Spend More Time Being Racist Jerk On Facebook

Aaron Schock Aaron Schock Aaron Schock Aaron Schock Aaron Schock
Aaron Schock Aaron Schock Aaron Schock Aaron Schock Aaron Schock. On Thursday, Think Progress posted a series of Facebook posts from Benjamin Cole, dreamy non-gay wingnut Aaron Schock’s press secretary or spokesman or communications director or senior aide or senior communications aide spokesdirector or whatever his title is — nobody seems to know for sure, wow, Schock and his staff sure like secrets, HUH? Read more on Aaron Schock’s Staffer Resigns To Spend More Time Being Racist Jerk On Facebook…
  the fella over there with the hella good hair

Spirit Animal Taylor Swift Sees Aaron Schock Through Not-Gay Office Crisis

Hello, it is Thursday, which makes this DAY THREE of me being your official Wonkette president of talking shit about Aaron Schock — if my guidance counselor could only see me now! Okay, so you’ll remember that Illinois’s wingnut congressman with the hawt nipples started the week in a big gay pickle due to his new office being completely redecorated to look like a bathhouse the Red Room from Downton Abbey. Everybody was like “that’s not gay at all,” but then YESTERDAY, a nice little liberal group called CREW was like “ethics violation, really really gay ethics violation, NO FREE SCONCES, those are the rules!” Read more on Spirit Animal Taylor Swift Sees Aaron Schock Through Not-Gay Office Crisis…
  You are in violation of Congress's "No Free Sconces" policy!

Aaron Schock Might Get Gayest Ethics Violation Ever

(Ben Terris / The Washington Post) Oh, ho, ho, so you know how yesterday we were talking about that thing by the campfire, about how sexy wingnut Aaron Schock, who is not gay, got one of his favorite interior decorators to make him a fancy new non-gay office that looked like the red room in Downton Abbey, a show that he claims never to have seen? Read more on Aaron Schock Might Get Gayest Ethics Violation Ever…
  eat the rich

Rich People Tired Of Living In Giant Mansions, Long For Merely Huge Mansions

They don't make butlers like Carson anymore.
Claudio Stivelman is a real estate developer whose corporate biography modestly alludes to his “prophetic vision to invest along the Northern coast of Miami-Dade County.” He got stupid-rich and built himself an “11,000-square-foot dream house,” only to find that living in a house with six bedrooms and a movie theater ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. The Wall Street Journal’s Candace Jackson — who may have responded to a job posting our new Jr. Editrix wrote about last year — gives us a glimpse into the Lifestyles of the Obscenely Wealthy and Modestly Famous. Read more on Rich People Tired Of Living In Giant Mansions, Long For Merely Huge Mansions…
  the dowager countess is not impressed

Daily Caller Outraged: Queen Michelle Obama Bogarting All The Downton Abbeys

Well we never! Did you know that Queen Michelle Obama is so enamored of the BBC televisionne programme “Downton Abbey” that she “begged” to get season three before the rest of us servants, and they gave it to her??? The Daily Caller knows, and they are, predictably, taking exceptionne. So much for being an average American citizen. The perks of having the last name “Obama” don’t stop at living luxuriously in the White House or flying around on Air Force One. In fact, the perks extend to something far more exclusive and unattainable for your everyday American: The Obamas get to watch the third season of “Downton Abbey” before the rest of the country does. Michelle Obama is so enamored with the series that she just couldn’t wait until it airs in the U.S. in January and “begged” british TV channel ITV to get the third season’s episodes early, UK’s The Telegraph reports. Ask and ye shall receive — if you’re the first lady. Fetch our pearls that we may don them and then grasp them all to pieces! Why she gotta be like that? Is there something wrong with BET? Read more on Daily Caller Outraged: Queen Michelle Obama Bogarting All The Downton Abbeys…
  bitches man ... bitches

Aussie Prime Minister Broad Natters On And On, Won’t Shut Trap About ‘Sexism’

Above, via LittleGreenFootballs, is a quite enjoyable 15 minutes of Australian Prime Minister Tilda Swinton smearing her menses all over the leader of the opposition, Richard from Downton Abbey, for being a total sexist lorry. It is because some other dude, this “Slipper” fellow (who serves with Tilda in the Labor Party, which is center-left) sent some nasty sext messages to this other dude, Ashby, and Ashby has charged him with sexual harrassment, and Richard from Downton Abbey (who is in the Liberal Party, which is like the conservatives there?) decided to lecture Tilda Swinton about misogyny. (But not about not sexually harrassing gay guys?) Do you think Tilda Swinton cared for being lectured by Richard from Downton Abbey after all he did to Lady Mary? SHE DID NOT! So you can watch that, it is fun how she reduces all the male members to big moaning babies because she is all like “hey, sexism exists.” But more importantly, WHAT DID THE OFFENSIVE TEXTS SAY??? Read more on Aussie Prime Minister Broad Natters On And On, Won’t Shut Trap About ‘Sexism’…