Are you lonely on Valentine’s Day? The closed social-networking All Stars at Late Night Shots are planning an “Anonymous Love Party” at Smith Point, and you can dedicate power ballads, to no one. [LNS]

DC’s closed, invitation-only social networking site for rich prostitutes and Southern trust-fund children with gonorrhea, Late Night Shots, has inspired a Hills-type reality show. Are you a famous LNSer? Do you stare at pictures of Georgetown kids peeing on each other all night long? You can apply to be the next Lauren Conrad, right here! [via DCist]

Thanks to commenter jann9884 for digging up what was easily last night’s biggest debate submission: That of one Ben “Beef Jerky and Toiletries” Johnson, the chairman of the Iowa Federation of College Republicans. Johnson voices his concern to the candidates with that same smarmy charm that earned him Wonkette’s douchebag of the week title not long ago. Specifically, he queries, Why are you giving my drivers license to teh Messicans when I can’t even buy a good Cuban cigar? We’ll have to think about that one, Benji, but we’ll be sure to report back to you — because we’re never ignoring you again. [YouTube]

WARNING:Wonkette takes no responsibility for personal injuries the viewer inflicts upon him or her self after watching this video. Readers are recommended to keep all guns, knives, razors, nooses and other methods of suicide at a distance; when the chairman of the Iowa Federation of College Republican, Benjamin Johnson, speaks his first line — “I don’t know why every student isn’t as politically active as I am” — self-torture is unavoidably the first recourse. Wonkette, for example, had a fork next to itself while watching this video, and now that fork is in Wonkette’s eye.

UIowa College Republican Answers the Conservative Calling [YouTube via BlogActive/HuffPo]

While not quite as disastrous as Bill Kristol’s suicide bomb of a WaPo Outlook feature, Fox News’ John “War on Christmas” Gibson has these words for us this morning: “I know you don’t want to hear about Iraq, but I’m going to tell you anyway.” Damn him! Must keep reading… despite… hatred… MORE »

While Republicans in Congress are groping around for new arguments to deny poor kids health coverage, brilliant young conservative minds are posting their ideas on YouTube. This video — which Michelle Malkin picked up yesterday — suggests that if we want an expanded SCHIP, all Americans will have to start smoking to pay for it. Fair enough.

SCHIP: Care Enough to Smoke? [YouTube]

In one of its two entries Friday displaying a public figure throwing the Shocker, silly Wonkette forgot to credit the single greatest news source in America — George Washington University’s Hatchet — for a photo received anonymously over the tip line. Well, fuck us! We surely deserved this “Cease and disist [sic]” letter from the Hatchet’s senior photo editor, Ben Solomon:

It has come to my attention that you have made an unauthorized use of copyrighted work of The GW Hatchet on the website www.wonkette.com . The copyrighted work is a photo of Ben Stein (the “Work”), which was published on 10/25/07. The GW Hatchet has reserved all rights in the Work. Your work clearly is copyrighted published material owned by The Hatchet…. If I have not received an affirmative response from you by November 9, 2007 indicating that you have fully complied with these requirements, The Hatchet will be required to take further action against you.

As we stew in our war room over how to respond by the all-too-soon Nov. 9 deadline, we thought we’d turn our attention to the Hatchet for a few seconds and make fun of it. MORE »

Yesterday, the Washington City Paper ran a cover story about Late Night Shots, DC’s finest closed social networking site for UNC grads who work hard to maintain that special mix of date rape, shitty beer, and racial homogeneity that is the Georgetown nightlife. The LNSers got mad and left funny comments. Yesterday, we looked at their City Paper comment tirades. Today, we move, once more, to the belly of the beast — the LNS forums themselves.

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We were going to leave the coverage of this to our sister site Jezebel, but you guys seem to think we should comment on the City Paper’s Late Night Shots story. We didn’t have much to add until we read the comments. Because once you get bored mocking the lifestyle of the wealthy and soulless, you can still pick on their defensiveness.

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Morons on the Dancefloor

The Late Night Shots kids held their Christmas party at The Guards in Georgetown last night. Wonkette was… well, not there, no. We’ll do almost anything for the amusement of our readers, but when we drink with douchebags for the sake of material we like them to be douchebags you guys have heard of.

Thankfully, a Wonkette Operative was there, and she/he even took some pictures. Our op speaks, after the jump.

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The forums at Late Night Shots have been fizzling out lately. They’ve started censoring themselves, and the posters are listless. Spelling still stumps them, however, and just last week someone declared that “Carmen Santiago” was the second best computer game. You don’t know what you’ve got til’ it’s gone, huh? Intern Lauren learns about internet censorship, why ethnic names are bad names, and what charity is really for, after the jump.

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