douchebags

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy Let us begin our long, long week of snark and <headdesking> by crying a big ol’ bucket of crocodile tears for golfing sports-man Phil Mickelson, a person who has made a fortune hitting a little white ball, then walking after it, and then […]

We decided we needed an entirely separate Explainer to discuss all the stupid morons saying dumb things about PRISM and/or the collection of All Metadata Everywhere, because so many “journalists” have been MORE THAN HAPPY to come forward, pat America on its pretty head and mansplain that this is no big deal, and also, isn’t […]

Remember last year when angry old sportswriter Harry “Buzz” Bissinger endorsed Mitt Romney because Mittens was totally lying about everything? It was probably non-sports fans’ first introduction to the douchepile that is Buzz Bissinger, so here is a quick primer. Back when the internet consisted of three Star Trek fans on a dial-up message board, […]

Lucky you, Amercia, Paul Ryan (R-Complete Tool) is back at work and ready to focus on the issues. After all, Paul Ryan is a Very Serious Person who is Very Concerned about Jobs and The Economy! So when he was campaigning we were all bereft of his leadership on these and other pressing issues, and it was […]

The Occupy Chicago protester-folk got this cryptic message from the mysterious cabal of mutant space hamsters inhabiting the Chicago Board of Trade. But, uh, maybe take heart Ocupados (?), the 1% does not even appear to have enough money to buy printer ink to run off a couple of window signs, so they will join […]

It was hardly a good day for BP CEO Tony Hayward, who mumbled “I don’t recall” and “I was not part of that decision making process” enough times to qualify for the Iran-Contra Memorial Bullshit Award. But Tony must be resting a little more comfortably tonight knowing that one of his own supposed tormentors on […]

How much will we miss “America’s President,” the sore-loserman Al Gore and his wife Tipper Gore, who are becoming separated today due to the lack of love in their lives? Let’s all gather around the laptop and remember the years of joy and kissing and complaining about Prince records and “lockbox” and whatever else they […]

Once General Secretary Obama and Chief Commissar Pelosi have banned all capitalist activity more advanced that barter and turned Lower Manhattan into a giant open-air market for selling organic produce and hemp blankets, what will become of the tightly wound young men who made all that money for you and me, right up until the […]

Once upon a time there was a gargantuan CNN anchoress who, for five wonderful, lucrative days way back in 2008, eated your Wonkette. (These were in the days when large corporations still paid money to blogs in exchange for advertising.) That lady is married to Dan Senor, a youngish douche who was once spokesman for […]

'INSIDE BASEBALL'  5:06 pm November 11, 2009

by Jim Newell

TWO DISASTROUS PEOPLE GET INTO FIGHT: Joe “Fucking Wind Sock” Klein and Jamie “Marty Peretz’s Slave” Kirchick appear to have gotten into a fight, at a Jew conference! “A heated debate between Time magazine’s Joe Klein and the New Republic‘s Jamie Kirchick spilled off the dais Tuesday into a hallway confrontation where Klein called the […]

WONKETTE JOBS  1:50 pm October 19, 2009

by Jim Newell

GEORGETOWN SOPHOMORE LOOKING FOR ASSISTANT: This sophomore also works in the financial services industry! So of course: “PA example tasks -Organize closet -make bed -Drop off / pick up dry cleaning -Drop me off / pick me up from work -Do laundry -Fill up gas tank -bring car for servicing -schedule appointment for haircut -Pay […]

You may have seen on the Internets this morning various excerpts from what appears to be GQ’s answer to Vanity Fair‘s Levi Johnston article, in terms of the great “which major New York magazine can publish the weirdest and least fact-checkable 10-page fart of targeted-readership porn” journalism wars. “Matt Latimer,” a late-term speechwriter for George […]

DIGITAL MANIPULATION  9:27 am March 24, 2009

by Sara K. Smith

ABOUT FRIGGING TIME: The delightfully named Finger Interests Number One Ltd. is trying to persuade other Bank of America shareholders to get rid of Ken Lewis and two other people on the bank’s board of directors. Imagine that! Imagine throwing out the terrible bums who just dropped their trousers and peed all over their shareholders […]

Man, this guy! Remember Karl Rove, the doughy, evil clown who used direct mail to make George W. Bush the permanent dictator of America? He has good news for Republicans. They are poised on the precipice of a COMEBACK, a massive and extremely awesome comeback, because they keep winning seats in the South — a […]

Oh man, this is sort of sad! Brit Hume, by many measures one of the least offensive Fox News personalities in existence, is stepping down from the anchor’s desk after 12 years because he has lost his enthusiasm for the job. (Quick everybody, quit your job because you are bored!) Twelve years on Fox would […]