Wonkette

* Yippee kayay, motherfucker. [Express]
* “We have to give captive-bred pandas better survival training, especially combat and defence skills.” [Poofygoo]
* Perhaps this glowing DCist review means the bullets have stopped flying at Temperance Hall. [DCist]
* ” I don’t know how many baby boomers read this (Hi Dad!), but, man, you guys are old.” [why.i.hate.dc]
* Today is National Doughnut Day. Get some. [Last Second Thoughts]
* Summer gunfire is here! “These incidents and many more, have been increasing at an alarming rate. The police (whom we call every time there’s an incident) have been blaming the nice weather for the increased activity in the streets and gentrification for the loss of drug-dealing territories.” [007 in Africa]
* Hilarious driving-in-DC graphs: “HONK HONK! YOU PUSSY!” [Quiet in the Stacks]
* “Guy in Wisconsin shirt, while I was getting home from work, you were stopped in your bike ride trying to put the small fire out in my front yard. You even jumped over the fence! My friend and I would love to take you for a drink, but even if not, you’re our hero. Thanks again!” {Missed Connections]

* Jury sheds no tears for Scooter. [WP, NYT]
* And if he pulls up next to President Bush at a red light, it won’t be to ask for Grey Poupon. [LAT]
* Americans still asking Dick Cheney, “Where you at, big dawg?” [NYT]
* Bob Dole’s long experience nipping and tucking combined with Donna Shalala’s ability to crush the spirits of low wage workers will make them the perfect Walter Reed study super-duo. [WP, NYT]
* Fired US Attorneys should count their lucky stars the “threats” they faced weren’t knocked-out kneecaps or cement shoes. [WP, LAT]
* Steny Hoyer so bored with Iraq funding debate he can’t think of anything but those delishus Dunkin Munchkins. [NYT]
* Grassroots group pesters the FCC on transfer of power to “big media.” [WSJ]
* If the Pentagon can’t sell airplanes to Iran then government employees can’t invest there either, it’s only fair. [USAT]

• Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky is completely right, we must “plug the donut hole.” [Hill Blog]

• CNN is there for you, no matter how bad it gets. [Drink At Work]
• A little ditty, bout Jack and Dan - two American has-beens, doin’ the best they can. [Newsmax]
• Any government employee who says they do it for their country is lying, it’s all about the foreign poontang. [Girls Are Pretty]
• Jim Kolbe spends worthwhile money, not no tens and twenties. [CNN Money]

Forget about weapons of mass destruction, avenging his dad against Saddam’s assasination attempts, and his blood vendetta against Adam “Asshole” Clymer of The New York Times. No one–not even Ma Bush–gets between President Bush and the last chocolate-covered donut with the red, white, and blue sprinkles. MORE »

The National Journal’s Hotline has posted a video of Joe Biden at his Bidenest, spreading good cheer to all the delightfully-spotted foreheads in his neighborhood:

In thanking a young Indian-American man for the support of his Indian-American group, Sen. Biden touts how Indians are the fastest growing immigrant group in Delaware and says, “You CANNOT go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts without an Indian accent.”

And it’s not on the video, but we imagine that Joe went on to claim, “I also love that one god of yours, the one with all the arms… the elephant one? What’s his name? Baba Ganoush?” And his sure-to-be successful campaign for the presidency marches onward to the strains of a thousand sitars all playing in unison. MORE »

• Stephen Colbert is so huge, he’s both “in” and “out” at the same time. [MSNBC]

• The New York Times: helping the terrorists any way they can. [McSweeneys]
• The Ted Stevens clip-art guide to the internet. [Meryl Yourish]
• Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales confuses in-flight magazine feature with actual power, launches site to increase “intelligence” of politics. [American Way; Central Campaign Wikia]

O Happy Day! Via Slashfood: MORE »