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Posts Tagged ‘donors’

Hillary Weeps With Joy Over Piles Of Scrantonian Cash

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008

Thank you for the munnies Scranton OK I go now!!At an elegant Scranton fundraiser last night, former President Bill Clinton told his wife’s supporters that right at that very moment Hillary was crying tears of joy at the massive piles of greenbacks she’d finally be able to sleep on tonight. “I just went upstairs and called Hillary, and she was in tears when I told her what was going on at Mayor Doherty’s house and how much money Virginia, the mayor and Mrs. (Donna) Doherty have raised here,” he said. MORE »


JFK Not Responsible For Barack Obama’s ‘Very Existence’ After All

Monday, March 31st, 2008

That baby there is NOT Barack ObamaThe public been duped again by America’s Prince, Barack Obama. You know how he likes to talk about how John F. Kennedy is secretly his father, because Kennedy bankrolled Barack Obama Sr.’s trip to the United States and personally introduced the young Kenyan economist to lovely Ann Dunham? All lies! MORE »


Angry Republican Donors Literally Crapping On Fundraising Pleas

Friday, March 28th, 2008

Who will be the president of Poop Mountain?Things are looking pretty rough in Republican fundraising circles these days…except for an elite group of operatives who accept campaign contributions in the only denomination that still holds its value in the global market: human feces. MORE »


Pro-Hillary Fat Cat Democratic Donors Threatening Nancy Pelosi

Wednesday, March 26th, 2008

The world is an evil place, controlled by money, oil, liquor, Hollywood, and women. When these forces of vice combine, we call the beast “Wealthy pro-Clinton Democrats.” Today this cabal got pushy with powerful House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and called on her “to back away from previous comments and reaffirm that superdelegates should be free to back whichever candidate they believe would be the party’s best nominee.” Fortunately, this does not confirm any stereotypes about money and power and the political process. MORE »


McCain Meets With Secret Republican Fat Cat Cult

Friday, March 7th, 2008

I ate all the LOLcatsJohn McCain will address the Council for National Policy, a secret group of Republican donors who usually don’t tell anyone anything. According to a copy of their rules, “The media should not know when or where we meet or who takes part in our programs, before or after a meeting.” Unless it’s the Washington Times, who delivered the big scoop today! Thanks, Moonie Terrorists! [WT] MORE »


McCain Courts Donors, Evades Grim Reaper

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

According to the rings, he is 10,000 years oldThe McCain campaign’s two biggest priorities right now are finding a running mate and fundraising. According to reports, one issue “is being treated with considerably more urgency.” If you guessed that priority #1 was finding a successor to a candidate who, on Inauguration Day, will be just three years shy of average life expectancy, guess again! McCain is more worried about money, duh. [CNN]


Hot Investment Tip: Republicrats! Demicans!

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

richworld.jpgWall Street investors and top-heavy hedge funds are confusing the shit out of campaign comptrollers. Starchy, Right-leaning money managers from Greenwich, Connecticut are throwing money at Democrats, while Croc-wearing Volvo drivers are getting behind Republicans. Totally nuts, these guys. Cats and dogs, living together. MORE »