Tag Archives: donations

  Let's gossip about the week's stop stories

A Completely True Story About A Brazilian Pastor And His Holy Peen Milk. Your Weekly Top Ten

Ooh look a kitten.
Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and you are probably thinking “ooh I just clicked on this post HARD because I want to know about the Brazilian pastor and his holy peen milk” and we hate to break it to you, but it’s not true. The number two story of the week, FOR SOME REASON, was this thing we wrote in 2013, about a Brazilian pastor and his holy peen sperm milk, which turned out to be fakity fake fake, which NEVER HAPPENS AT WONKETTE. It just happened this one time, in 2013, because we do not speak Brazilianese and hey, nobody is perfect. But SOMEBODY posted it on Facebook this week, or on Tinder, we’re not quite sure, and it got eleventy million page views, so, because this is an honest and ethical top ten list, we are being honest about how it was the number two story of the week. If you are the person who posted it, please come forward so Wonkette can give you a spanking right on your bottom. Read more on A Completely True Story About A Brazilian Pastor And His Holy Peen Milk. Your Weekly Top Ten…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Sarah Palin Declares Independence From Pretending To Be Employed. Your Weekly Top Ten.

THE CUTEST.
Hey Wonkers, happy Fourth of July weekend and shit! Do you need a nap? We sure do! Let’s all snuggle dressed like burritos after we read this post, like Wonkette baby, pictured above. (Did you SEE Editrix’s baby pictures post this morning? If you didn’t, you should go look at it!) Read more on Sarah Palin Declares Independence From Pretending To Be Employed. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  please send money

Girl Scouts Will Get Along Just Fine Without Transgender-Hating Bigot Bucks, Thank You

Even ones religious right assholes don't like.
As you are all aware, the Girl Scouts is a super badass organization. Its leadership is SO liberal, the Scouts are turning all of America’s girls into militant man-hating lesbian vegans with bitchin’ abortion skills. And it costs money to indoctrinate all those young ladies! The Girl Scouts of Western Washington was very excited to get a $100,000 donation recently, to fund things like financial assistance for little girls whose families can’t afford to send them to camp. Stuff like that. But then the donor woke up one day with a spiked dildo up his/her ass and sent another note to the group specifying that this money was under no circumstances to be used to help any gross transgenders: Read more on Girl Scouts Will Get Along Just Fine Without Transgender-Hating Bigot Bucks, Thank You…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten.

She is such an impressive baby!
Hello, Wonkers, what a week we had! The Confederate flag died a timely death, Obamacare was saved AGAIN, and we now have the mandatory gay marriage the country has been craving for so long. Have you found your gay husband or wife yet? If not, you should find one in the comments, which are not allowed! Also, important update on Wonkette babby! As you can see above, she is now teaching math at the local university, isn’t that exciting? Read more on Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  counting down the weekly top stories

And Then Suddenly All Eyes Were On Charleston. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Beautiful souls, each and every one.
Well, Wonkers, it was a sad week, as we, and the nation, became transfixed on the gruesome murders that took the lives of 9 people attending a Bible study at a historic black church in Charleston, South Carolina. And wouldn’t you know it, even amidst such rage and sadness, wingnuts still managed to fuck it up more, by saying some of the grossest things imaginable. And surprise, some of those posts made this week’s top ten! Read more on And Then Suddenly All Eyes Were On Charleston. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Give until it hurts.

It’s A Nice Day For A Wonkette Online Baby Shower! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Nothing cuter in the world than the newborn baby burrito. NOTHING.
WONKETTE HAD A BABY, WONKETTE HAD A BABY, WONKETTE HAD A BABY. Hey, did you hear Wonkette had a baby? As you read this, Ms. Donna Rose, daughter of yr Editrix Rebecca and her dashing pixel husband Shy, is on her third full day of being a fully formed, bee-yootiful babby, and her Wonkette uncles and aunt could not be more excited. Read more on It’s A Nice Day For A Wonkette Online Baby Shower! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  How Christ Must Have Felt

Being God’s Chosen Presidential Candidate Giving Ted Cruz Nasty Case Of Stigmata

The Chosen One, which hath been foretold.
Things are getting rough out there for Ted Cruz, ever since God and Jesus personally visited his dad Rafael Cruz late at night to put a baby in his butt to tell Ted he’s supposed to run for president of America. So young Teddy did answereth the call to be The Chosen One, and HOLY FUCKBISCUITS, it sucks! That is the message of Cruz’s latest whore-grifter campaign email, published Thursday by Mother Jones, and he needs your money to end his pain and suffering. Read more on Being God’s Chosen Presidential Candidate Giving Ted Cruz Nasty Case Of Stigmata…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten

Tryin' hard to come up with some more easy questions.
HEY WONKETARIAT, we hope this weekly Top Ten post finds you rested and not too hungover. It’s time for us to look at all the stories that made you laugh and cry and whatever other emotions you feel in response to Wonkette posts, you’re very unpredictable. Guess what? That Duggar story is still going on, but we are happy to report that only HALF of the top ten posts this week are Duggar-related. Read more on Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten…
  let's challenge her to a rap battle

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it’s time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week’s top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss the picture above, which Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, shared on the Twitter after her husband’s charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield. Is Ann Romney in a gang now? PROBABLY, because she is so street. She told the Twitter that she was very excited to be part of “Mitt’s posse.” Anybody who coughs up a video of Romney (husband OR wife) twerking wins an “Obamaphone.” Read more on Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Sunday Gossip Hour

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People

Gossiping cat has thoughts to share.
Happy Sunday, Wonketariat! We hope this love note finds you fat and happy. We should take a moment before we go get ACTUAL brunch, to do internet brunch gossip about the Most Popular Stories of the week. You all were all over the place this week, with your favorites! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People…
  Black Lives Are Matter

Which Incompetent Dopes Are We Handing Guns And Badges To This Week?

Mistakes Were Made
Left: Pretend Cop Robert Bates; Right: Real Actual Dead Person Eric Harris, shot to death by Pretend Cop Robert Bates Now that we’ve finally charged a murderous cop with murder, it’s time to get back to the usual routine of cops just plain shooting people for the hell of it, or because in the heat of the moment they mistook their pistol for their taser, or because they’re incompetent wealthy guys who gave a bunch of money to the local Sheriff’s office so they could play at being Real Police. Or in the case of reserve Tulsa County Sheriff’s deputy Robert Bates, how about all three? Read more on Which Incompetent Dopes Are We Handing Guns And Badges To This Week?…
  Fix yourself a drink and let's gossip!

It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!

Awww the poor thing, get him a benedict immediately.
Good Sunday afternoon, Wonkers! What are you all doing? We are writing this post! Let’s sit together and drink adult beverages while we gossip about all the nice things we wrote this week. Was it all about Rand Paul? MOSTLY! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!…
  Numbers don't lie

Americans Cool With The Gay Marriage, Don’t Care About Your Dumb Religious Freedom

The threat is real.
Awwwww, sad news for Bigot-Americans. Again: A majority of Americans believe businesses should not be allowed to refuse services based on their religious beliefs in the wake of controversies in Indiana and Arkansas over gay rights and religious freedom, a Reuters/Ipsos poll found on Thursday. […] Read more on Americans Cool With The Gay Marriage, Don’t Care About Your Dumb Religious Freedom…
  Bigot Nice Time we guess

Pizza Bigots Sharing Dough With Florist Bigot, Like Good Gay-Hating Jesus Would Do

Daughter prays as Father stews over gay homosexuals pulling the pizza from his cold dead hands.
The Deliverance cast members who own that Indiana fag-hatin’ pizza hole called Memories raised over $840,000 in bigot money on GoFundMe, for taking the bold stand that, were a gay or lesbian couple to visit them and say “please, our dream is to serve your shitty pizza to our wedding guests,” they would refuse, because God Hates Fags. You will be glad (depending on your value for “glad”) to know that they aren’t just going to stick all that money up their butts; they plan to follow Jesus’s command to help the needy and spread the wealth. Read more on Pizza Bigots Sharing Dough With Florist Bigot, Like Good Gay-Hating Jesus Would Do…