Tag Archives: Donald Trump

  Yooge

Thing Atop Donald Trump’s Head Wants To Be President Of Facebook

Is there anything new to say about this asshole?
On the same day that Ohio Sen. Rob Portman dashed the dreams of tens of Americans with an announcement that he would not run for president, The Daily Beast tantalized us with the astonishing prospect that Donald Trump believes Donald Trump may just need to give serious consideration to running for the office of President of The Trump States of America. Read more on Thing Atop Donald Trump’s Head Wants To Be President Of Facebook…
  Thanks a lot ladies

Now It’s The Stupid Feminists Who Killed Michael Brown

The feminists did it, with their feminism
There is so much blame to go around for the death of Ferguson teenager Michael Brown. St. Louis prosecutor Bob McCullough said, when explaining why there was simply no reason at all to indict Officer Darren Wilson, that it was basically social media’s fault for saying things on The Twitters and posting pictures that were obviously not trustworthy because they were only pictures, and who you gonna believe, the cop who killed that kid or some obviously fake photographs? Read more on Now It’s The Stupid Feminists Who Killed Michael Brown…
  Why are we hating Obama today?

Donald Trump Demands To Know Why Obama’s Doing All That Thuggy Violence In Ferguson

They're just asking what no one's thinking
The brain trust that is Fox & Friends has a very important question for America: “Is Obama administration inciting violence in Ferguson?” The answer is yes, duh, that’s a rhetorical question, but let’s turn to YOOOOGE brain guy Donald Trump to further explain. With all hell breaking loose in Ferguson, Missouri, how can we blame this on President Obama? Trump knows just how! Read more on Donald Trump Demands To Know Why Obama’s Doing All That Thuggy Violence In Ferguson…
  Obama Also To Blame For Terrible Hairdo

Donald Trump So Mad Obama Ruined America For Black People

This time he means it!
Photo by Gage Skidmore Donald Trump is a YOOOGE expert on many things — in fact, all the things — but one of all the things about which he knows more than anyone else is how President Obama turned our post-racial United States of Color-blind America into a cesspool of racial divide and hatred. Read more on Donald Trump So Mad Obama Ruined America For Black People…
  It's Like Sophie's Choice Met Dumb And Dumber

Donald Trump Will Either Run For President, Stay On Fox, Or Become Ballerina Princess Veterinarian

Why Not the Pest?
In what is undoubtedly the YOOGEST news since the last time Donald Trump said anything, Donald Trump hinted today on Fox & Friends that the situation in Washington has become so intolerable, what with the fraud and the lying and the dishonesty and the Obamacare that just doesn’t work and is based on a lie because a guy said so on video, that he, Donald Trump, just might have to become president to fix it. No, really, this time he means it: He is genuinely thinking that he should be President. Maybe not that he will actually run, because that is work, but he’s very happy to pretend that he faces some kind of Sophie’s Choice about doing weekly Fox & Friends visits or making a serious bid for office. Read more on Donald Trump Will Either Run For President, Stay On Fox, Or Become Ballerina Princess Veterinarian…
  Here have some news n stuff

Who Wants Open Interwebs? Oh, Just Everyone

This joke never gets old
Via Blurrent You’d think, from the reaction of certain especially loud dudes on the right, that President Obama’s support of net neutrality was like proposing Obamacare for the internet. Or even the Holocaust. But despite what a few blowhards on the, AHEM, internet say, even conservatives think net neutrality is a great idea, actually: Read more on Who Wants Open Interwebs? Oh, Just Everyone…
  Huh? What?

A Serious Critique Of Net Neutrality By Serious Donald Trump, Who Is Serious

Always confused, never in doubt
Ever since President Obama announced that he was going to socialize the interwebs — or as actual grown-ups call it, asking the FCC to reclassify broadband as a utility, thus ensuring net neutrality — the response from the right has been as thoughtful and reasonable as you’d expect from the party that has long opposed it. Read more on A Serious Critique Of Net Neutrality By Serious Donald Trump, Who Is Serious…
  Sweet Dreams And Flying Machines In Pieces On The Ground

Space Case Donald Trump Hates Private Enterprise Now

Burnin' out his fuse up there alone
An unmanned Antares rocket exploded seconds after liftoff from a facility in Virginia yesterday, with the total loss of a payload of food, water, and scientific experiments bound for the International Space Station. It was pretty spectacular: Read more on Space Case Donald Trump Hates Private Enterprise Now…
  Here have some news n stuff

One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now

Thanks Obama
That screaming hysteria you hear is the sound of everyone in New York being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! or at least making jokes about being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! because Ebola is real now. (You know the rule: It’s real when it happens in New York. The rest is prologue.) Read more on One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now…
  Here have some news n stuff

NFL Tried So Hard To Get That Video Of Ray Rice Beating His Lady, No Really (Not Really)

Too bad there's no video
The NFL is still trying to convince us that The Big Manly Powers That Be never would have defended Baltimore Ravens sportsball star Ray Rice after he knocked his woman OUT COLD in an elevator, if only they could have seen the video of him doing that. Not the abridged video that shows him dragging her unconscious body out of the elevator after the fact; that was inconclusive, and besides, everyone said they were sorry, so what more could anyone want? Read more on NFL Tried So Hard To Get That Video Of Ray Rice Beating His Lady, No Really (Not Really)…
  Yooooge idiot

Donald Trump Will Sue All The Twitters For Making Him Look Stupid

He will make a YOOOOGE deal outta anything
Donald Trump has never been wrong about anything, as you know, and if he has, well, it’s not his fault. It’s because he was fraudulently entrapped by some evil mastermind on Twitter (probably Obama, who’s still bitter that Trump exposed his birth certificate for the legitimate birth certificate it is and also that Trump called him on revealing New York to our enemies). Read more on Donald Trump Will Sue All The Twitters For Making Him Look Stupid…
  clipbait

John Oliver Goes Deep Inside Miss America (Video)

John Oliver meets Butt Glue
In yet another terrific piece of longform investigative comedy, John Oliver and Last Week Tonight take on the Miss America Pageant, which likes to promote itself as “the World’s Largest Provider of Scholarships for Women.” Obviously, there are two questions here: 1) Is it still 1959? and 2) Really? Miss America provides $45 million of scholarships a year? There’s also the follow-up question of why anyone seeking an academic scholarship needs to know how to keep her swimsuit snug with butt glue. Read more on John Oliver Goes Deep Inside Miss America (Video)…
  Our Post-Racial Racists

Donald Trump Has More Thoughts About The Blacks

Including the date makes it worse, somehow
Just in case you worry that the Liberal Media doesn’t give sufficient attention to all sides of controversial issues, Wonkette is pleased to bring you the views of some goober-brained fuckheads on the recent unrest in Ferguson, Missouri. First up: In St. Louis, Missouri, a few dozen protesters showed up at a rally Sunday in support of Darren Wilson, the Ferguson cop who shot and killed Michael Brown. It was billed as a counter-protest to the rallies in Ferguson, and was presumably held in St. Louis because why would they go to Ferguson, are you crazy? Read more on Donald Trump Has More Thoughts About The Blacks…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: KKK And James Woods Gonna Clean Up The Border

But how did she end up with Twilight Sparkle's panties on her head?
Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the feature where we collect all the stupidest stories that we couldn’t find a spot for and dump them in a junk drawer for you to sort through. You may want to wash your brain afterward! Read more on Derp Roundup: KKK And James Woods Gonna Clean Up The Border…
  Will He Take Over Trump's Hair As Well?

Adam Carolla, Who Hosts A Podcast For A Living, Thinks Poor People Are Lazy

Can you imagine being The Daily Caller (or any other conservative media outlet that is trying to be cool), and your biggest celebrity “get” is an extended interview with fading bully/outdated hair product connoisseur Adam Carolla? You’d milk that forever, including highlighting his claim about how rich people are better than poor people, mostly because they’re rich. Read more on Adam Carolla, Who Hosts A Podcast For A Living, Thinks Poor People Are Lazy…
  hypnotized by you if i should linger

This Is How Donald Trump Gets Off A Plane (OMFG Video)

Donald Trump is in Ireland — the CLASSIEST, YOOGEST ISLAND. How do you greet Donald Trump when he gets off a plane? Do you have Bobbsey Triplets playing violin, harp, and Ariel’s mermaid voice, in matching red cocktail dresses and five inch beige heels? No, because you did not think of it first, because you’re a fucking dummy who don’t know how to properly welcome the world’s most important golf-course guy. Good job, DUMMY. Read more on This Is How Donald Trump Gets Off A Plane (OMFG Video)…
  fumbling towards ecstasy

Solange Beats Up Jay-Z, Donald Trump Is Sad, And All The TV You Can Handle In These Happy Links

Let’s get ready to Happy! We do not feel good about Solange literally trying to kick Jay-Z’s ass, because we cannot handle any discord in the Knowles clan. John Oliver reminded us that it is blindingly stupid that one in four Americans do not believe climate change is real. Read more on Solange Beats Up Jay-Z, Donald Trump Is Sad, And All The TV You Can Handle In These Happy Links…
  9 1/2 Yards

Donald Trump Simply Does Not Care For Gay Ram Michael Sam’s Erotic Food Play

Did you magically become a St. Louis Rams fan when Michael Sam joyfully kissed his cute boyfriend after Saturday’s draft? US TOO! Donald Trump and his fellow idiots at Fox & Friends, however, did not! The several kisses were closed-mouthed and respectable, because Michael Sam only gets naughty on video when there are gay lesbian ladies throwing panties at him. (He is a lover, that Michael Sam.) Read more on Donald Trump Simply Does Not Care For Gay Ram Michael Sam’s Erotic Food Play…
  nobody got executed at least

Fine, Here Is Your President ‘Cracking Wise’ At The White House Correspondents Dinner

You may have noticed that we did not livebloog the White House Correspondents Dinner last night, because we were already well into an ether and risotto binge, and also it is not terribly funny, except in years when the President is making fun of Donald Trump while knowing that he is about to personally kill bin Laden. On the other hand, we also would never say no to a naked bid for web traffic, so here are some clips! First off, here is an actually funny thing, mostly, with Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Old Handsome Joe Biden and OHJB’s actual-maybe brand-new Corvette Stingray. We liked Julia’s Kevin Spacey bit. After the jump, clips of Barry Bamz making with the carefully vetted funny, and Community Star Joel McHale maybe bombing, at least that’s what we heard after we got most of the risotto out of our pants. Read more on Fine, Here Is Your President ‘Cracking Wise’ At The White House Correspondents Dinner…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Basket of Argle, Bargle, and Babble

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you a bunch of stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but that were far too stupid to ignore altogether. Apply alcohol directly to your central processing unit as needed. Or your computer’s. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Basket of Argle, Bargle, and Babble…
  Won't someone please think of the bigots?

Donald Trump Thinks Obama Should Resign Because That Guy From Mozilla Got Fired

Have you heard about how the liberal gay mafia fascists who hate diversity lynch mobbed that sweet nice man, Brendan Eich, who was CEO of Mozilla until he was killed by the evil gay agenda? Of course you have, because whiners gonna whine, and oh dear lord, they cannot stop whining about how unfair and un-American and un-other things it is that Eich must now stand in the unemployment line eating gruel. All of this because Eich merely donated $1000 to the Proposition 8 efforts. And hey, since money is speech — thanks, Supreme Court! — we guess donating money to a hate group is hate speech. Funny how the employees of Mozilla were not quite so comfortable working with a dude who engaged in hate speech. Nor were the members of his board. Nor were the folks at OKCupid, who were all “free market, bitches.” But this has given many people a very sad sad, because instead of being patient and understanding and gracious to the bigots of America who have clearly lost their war to banish The Gay, those mean lefty lefties are being mean and making everyone cry and also killing the First Amendment, which lefty lefties are always trying to do with their birth control and their Happy Holidays and such. Let us now point and laugh and gloat like the sore winners we are at the people who are crying all the tears because it is slightly less safe to be a bigot in America. Read more on Donald Trump Thinks Obama Should Resign Because That Guy From Mozilla Got Fired…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Tour Of The Terrible

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we steam-clean our browser tabs and scrape together all the stories that weren’t worth their own posts, but were too stupid to ignore altogether. We recommend you numb yourself against the dumbassery that is sure to follow. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Tour Of The Terrible…