Tag Archives: Donald Trump

  Since When Is The Supreme Court Supreme?

Rachel Maddow Uses Tiny Words To Teach Rick Santorum How America Works

Rachel has the best WTF face
Not that he’s desperate or anything, but Rick Santorum chose a pretty weird place for an interview. He sat down with Rachel Maddow for a chat Wednesday, far away from the comfortably familiar Idiot Crew at Fox News. We guess he wanted to show that he could hold his own against the Liberal Media’s most prominent nerd or something. They exchanged compliments: Maddow thinks he’s one of the best communicators in the Republican field, especially with a live crowd, and Santorum respects that she’s tough but sticks to policy, not personal attacks. And despite her generous suggestion to brainstorm some ways of picking a fight with Donald Trump so he can raise his profile enough to get into the first GOP debate in August, Santorum politely declined the offer. Heck, he could try calling Trump an asshole. Noting that he’d run a close second to Mitt Romney in the 2012 primaries, Maddow asked Santorum why all that support has evaporated. Santorum’s answer: it’s early yet, they’ll all come back, you’ll see. (Fun fact: That’s not the real answer. The real answer is that he benefited from being the least freakish — barely — of the anyone-but-Mitt candidates.) Read more on Rachel Maddow Uses Tiny Words To Teach Rick Santorum How America Works…
  Are you Distracted? We Certainly Are

Sen. Joni Ernst Worried Obama Lowered Flag To Half Staff For Secret Muslin Reasons

Tinfoil flags are best
You may be astonished, as we were, to learn that conservatives are furious with Barack Obama for waiting Five Whole Days to order the flag to be flown at half staff in honor of the victims of last Thursday’s shootings in Chattanooga, which killed five members of the military. Obviously, Obama hates the military, since he only called the killings “heartbreaking” the day they happened, and didn’t immediately lower the flags himself. (By contrast, Obama ordered flags to half staff the day after the 2009 Fort Hood shooting.) But Sen. Joni Ernst thinks she may know what Obama’s up to: He’s trying to distract us all from Benghazi the Iran nuclear deal. Read more on Sen. Joni Ernst Worried Obama Lowered Flag To Half Staff For Secret Muslin Reasons…
  Classier than Ann Romney's horse probably

Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch

Answers is tough and is not my favorite.
La di da and fiddle dee dee, who knew Miss Marco Rubio was such a delicate little flower? But he is, it turns out, because while sitting on the Stupid Sofa of Stupid on “Fox & Friends,” the soon-to-be-unemployed senator from Florida pearl-clutched so hard about just how Not Classy the president is. Why? you may ask, as if it’s not obvious. Well! Did you know the president went on “The Daily Show” — which, Rubio will have you know, is a “comedy show” — where he made light of “something as serious as Iran”? It is true! Here is the president, casually and unseriously talking about Iran, how dare he, so uncouth! Read more on Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch…
  Ooh he mad!

Dumb Rick Perry To Dumb Donald Trump: MEEEEEE-OW! SCRATCH! HISS!

We're guessing Perry looked a bit like this delivering his remarks.
Guess former Texas governor and current GOP clown car rumble seat occupant Rick Perry doesn’t like being called the second biggest stupid in the world, just behind Sen. Lindsey Graham. In a speech delivered Wednesday to some cohort of idiots assembled by his super PAC, Perry thought he’d set the record straight on who is the real idiot, and also who is destroying the Republican Party, and also who is literal ass cancer embodied in human Republican form. Surprise, it is Donald Trump! Read more on Dumb Rick Perry To Dumb Donald Trump: MEEEEEE-OW! SCRATCH! HISS!…
  U go gurl

Donald Trump Would Agree Lindsey Graham Smashing His Phone To Sounds Of Vivaldi Is CLASSY

Macho macho man
Remember yesterday, when Donald Trump decided to do the weirdest campaign speech in the history of weird campaign speeches, by talking about how Lindsey Graham is even stupider than dumb Rick Perry, which is saying a lot, and regaled the crowd with a story about how Graham begged him one time to give him money and say nice things about him on the “Fox & Friends” program? And then he gave out Graham’s cell phone number and told everybody to prank call it? Of course you remember, it was yesterday! Later in the day, Graham tweeted that he was probably going to have to get a new phone and we were like LOL does he not understand how phone numbers work? Read more on Donald Trump Would Agree Lindsey Graham Smashing His Phone To Sounds Of Vivaldi Is CLASSY…
  He fuckin' told you losers he was rich

I Am Donald J. Trump, TEN BILLIONAIRE, I Own A Mansion And A Yacht

Gonna buy Mexico too probably
Donald J. “Fuck You and Your Dumb Loser Moron Mother” Trump told us he is worth “TEN BILLION DOLLARS,” and now we get to find out how much he is lying about that. Forbes says he is only worth a piddly no-all-caps $4 billion, and he is only #405 on the list of richest fucks in America, what a loser. The 92-page financial disclosure report, required of all presidential candidates, has finally been released so we can see whether Donald Trump’s assets are in fact as YOOOGE as his balls. For example: Read more on I Am Donald J. Trump, TEN BILLIONAIRE, I Own A Mansion And A Yacht…
  The kids on Twitter call this "doxxing"

Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall

CALL ME MAYBE
Donald Trump, Wonkette takes it all back. You are the best Republican candidate probably since Abraham Lincoln, who wouldn’t have had to deal with that pesky Civil War if he had just gotten the Messicans to build a YOOOOOOGE wall around the traitor states and posted signs everywhere that said “Camp Moron.” Speaking to voters in Lindsey Graham’s South Carolina, Trump thought it would be a good idea to say all kinds of bad words about Sen. Graham, and then give out his personal cell phone number, in case anybody in the audience was looking for a good sexxxy time with the Senator or something. Trump was mad because Graham called him a “jackass,” which is just mean. Read more on Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall…
  This is just a really good apology

Donald Trump Sorry Everyone Too Stupid To Understand John McCain Is Big War Hero Loser

Sorry you're dumb.
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comBy now you know how smegma-encrusted weasel-trap Donald Trump said John McCain is one BIG pussy, and that he’s only a war hero because he was captured, and that he prefers people who didn’t get captured, and now everybody and their mother hates Donald Trump, except for all the Republican assholes who find this endearing somehow. Well, Trump would like to apologize. Excuse us, Trump would like to “apologize,” for you being so stupid that you didn’t understand what he said the first time. He explained this to known war correspondent Bill O’Reilly, who asked Trump to say something “man to man” to John McCain, like they would do if they were going to have a barfight, or maybe about to do Brokeback Mountain-style sex on each other: Read more on Donald Trump Sorry Everyone Too Stupid To Understand John McCain Is Big War Hero Loser…
  You're The Real Haters

Donald Trump Winning Because Plenty Of Republicans Like Loudmouthed Dickheads

So McCain was captured. Big deal. So was El Chapo.
Donald Trump is at the very top of the latest Washington Post-ABC News poll, with 24 percent of Republican-leaning voters preferring the rubber-faced buttplug over the other primary candidates. His closest rivals, Scott Walker and Jeb! Bush, are virtually tied with 13 and 12 percent support (and a margin of error of 3 to 5 percentage points). And we know why this is. It is because Republican primary voters are A Idiot, as Sean Hannity astutely observed on his radio program Monday. Read more on Donald Trump Winning Because Plenty Of Republicans Like Loudmouthed Dickheads…
  Nice time (though not for Donald Trump)

Nine Mean Names Elizabeth Warren Should Call Donald Trump

Most accurate Trump image yet
Elizabeth Warren, she is the best, we love her. But Donald Trump, he is also the best, in a very different kind of way, and we love him too, for very different reasons. (Because of the crazy things he says, with his face, that are awful terrible THE WORST, and Republicans love him for it, and he is leading in the GOP primary field, and please oh please pretty please can he be the Republican presidential nominee, PLEASE? We will say our prayers and drink our little wine and eat our little crackers to make it so.) Read more on Nine Mean Names Elizabeth Warren Should Call Donald Trump…
  Not the sort of "leaks" these people prefer

If You’re One Of Ashley Madison’s 40 Million Gross Cheating Whores, We Have Bad News

Serves you right!
DELETE YR ACCOUNTS, SHEEPLE. If you are one of the gross pervs who has been gross perving it up on the Ashley Madison website — tagline “Life is short. Have an affair” — your wife or husband or life partner may be about to find out about how gross you are, at which point they will be divorcing you and taking all your money for the rest of your life, because the judge will agree that you are a very bad gross perv cheater. And how will they find out? Because Ashley Madison got hacked, and the hackers took all the info on 40 million people, from the United States and that cute snowy “Canadia” country that sits just to the north, and they are threatening to release it if their demands are not met: Read more on If You’re One Of Ashley Madison’s 40 Million Gross Cheating Whores, We Have Bad News…
  Basically like Jesus

Donald Trump YOOOOGE Fan Of God And Those Little Jesus Crackers

Donald Trump, good Christian
We have been so busy LOLing and WTFing over Donald Trump’s attack on John McCain for being a fake war hero, with his weak-assed POWing, because Trump “like[s] people that weren’t captured,” that we almost forgot to tell you some of the other hilarity of Trump’s weekend. Almost. Read more on Donald Trump YOOOOGE Fan Of God And Those Little Jesus Crackers…
  all of them katie

How Many Fox News Anchors Does It Take To Give Donald Trump A Rimjob?

S-M-R-T.
The answer is A LOT. Which makes sense, because Donald Trump’s butthole isn’t weak like the other candidates’ buttholes, and it’s definitely not a captured POW loser like John McCain’s butthole. Trump had a big weekend, and he probably put the nail in his own coffin by saying mean things about McCain — some of which are KINDA true, except for how Donald Trump is an asshole who doesn’t know how to string words together without coming off like a ginormous cowering pussy, and who also doesn’t really have a place to talk about others’ Vietnam War records, since the only bravery Trump exhibited during that time was in the number of bullshit deferments he managed to get. Oh wait, that wasn’t “brave,” that was “brazen,” and also “cowardly.” Read more on How Many Fox News Anchors Does It Take To Give Donald Trump A Rimjob?…
  Yes we are entertained

John McCain Graciously Refuses To Tell Donald Trump To F*ck Himself In The Ear

Not a good day to be John McCain
Did you hear the one about how Donald Trump thinks John McCain is a L-O-S-E-R for getting captured and held as a prisoner of war that one time, in the Nam, for five and a half years? Of course you did, because we, along with the rest of the entire US of A, can’t stop talking about it. Read more on John McCain Graciously Refuses To Tell Donald Trump To F*ck Himself In The Ear…
  Four And A Half Weeks Alan

Donald Trump Can’t Believe People Don’t Like His Straight Talk On Loser POWs

So McCain was captured. Big deal. So was El Chapo.
Just in case you hadn’t heard about Donald Trump’s very special weekend shitshow, he had a terrible horrible no-good very bad Saturday at the Family Leadership Summit in Ames, Iowa, where he made the mistake of talking smack about somebody other than Mexicans. In a Q & A with emcee Frank Luntz, Trump went after John McCain on the one thing Republicans do not want anyone questioning: his status as an honest-to-god “Five And A Half Years, Alan” war hero. Read more on Donald Trump Can’t Believe People Don’t Like His Straight Talk On Loser POWs…