Tag Archives: Donald Trump

  You May Not Say He's A Dreamer

Jeb Bush Asks Media For Help Slurring Brown Babies

Might need changing, might just be gassy
Might need changing, might just be gassy Jeb! Bush continued a family tradition this week: say something stupid, then say something even MORE stupid in an attempt to explain the first stupid thing. Read more on Jeb Bush Asks Media For Help Slurring Brown Babies…
  YOOOOOOOGE hate crime

Trump Supporters Making America Great Again, By Beating Homeless Hispanic Dudes

Just put a Band-Aid on it, don't be so weak and unprofessional.
Just put a Band-Aid on it, don’t be so weak and unprofessional. As Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo so astutely pointed out, ladies and dude-ladies, we have our “first Trump-inspired hate crime.” It was YOOOOGE. You see, first they pissed on a 58-year-old homeless Hispanic man, which woke him up. Then they beat the shit out of him, with their fists, and with a metal pole of some sort. By the end he had a broken nose and bruises all over, and it was, at least partially, because of Donald Trump: Read more on Trump Supporters Making America Great Again, By Beating Homeless Hispanic Dudes…
  Brother can you spare a note?

Jeb! Bush Failing So Hard He Needs His Brother’s Help, LOL

He's with stupid
Brotherly love This is just sad. Like, we almost feel bad for this guy, that’s how sad. (Calm down, we said almost.) While Jeb! Bush has already lost the presidential election, because we said so, he’s now in such deep manure, with those polling numbers racing toward zero faster than a Bush races into Iraq, that Big Brother Dubya has to lend a hand. You know, the brother whose name is so toxic in Republican circles that they dare not speak it aloud. The brother who’d said in April that we probably wouldn’t see much of him during this election, because hoo boy, it wouldn’t help Jeb none to remind voters that he came from the same gene pool as President A Idiot, who broke the whole US of A to death, practically. Read more on Jeb! Bush Failing So Hard He Needs His Brother’s Help, LOL…
  Pretty talk

Bobby Jindal Happy To Call Brown People Names If He Can Be President

Bobby Jindal’s offical portrait. Yes, really. Louisiana Gov. Piyush “Bobby like the Brady Bunch” Jindal is the spittin’ image of racial transcendence. He doesn’t see race, even when he looks in the mirror, because he is a proud American, from America, raised by American immigrants who came to America, so that’s THAT. He is not Indian-American because he doesn’t believe in that sort of radical leftist divisive nonsense, and he’s “done with all this talk about hyphen-Americans.” And he’s so proud of his born-and-raised-right-here-in-America heritage that he’s willing to invoke laws that do not even exist to ensure that his state forever worships the Confederate traitors who declared war on the the United States and tried to leave it. Ah, patriotism. Read more on Bobby Jindal Happy To Call Brown People Names If He Can Be President…
  Forgive me father for I am Donald Trump

Donald Trump Warns Pope Francis About ISIS Monsters Under His Bed

Vaginamouth
Pope Francis is heading to America soon, whereupon he’ll do that thing where he kisses the little Catholic babies and says “Death to America,” or at least that’s how it sounds to Republicans, who don’t like how he says “climate change exists” and “fracking is a bad thing” and “gays are evil but not that evil I guess.”  Donald Trump especially doesn’t like it when New Pope does that commie talk about how maybe unfettered capitalism isn’t what Makes America Great Again, so Trump is going to have to threaten him with the thing that (maybe?) scares him the most, which is how ISIS is GONNA GET HIM AND SAY “BOO!” New Pope will be so scared he will soil his pope hat, with pee! Read more on Donald Trump Warns Pope Francis About ISIS Monsters Under His Bed…
  They'd Be *Surgical* Strikes

Ben Carson Has Cool Idea For Bombing Mexicans With Drones

Death From Above is Magic
Death From Above is Magic Ben Carson may not know anything about actual policy or facts or boring details like how the Supreme Court works, but he’s a real quick study when it comes to finding stuff that will excite rightwing supporters. And if Donald Trump is going to build a YOOGE classy completely impermeable wall to keep Messicans from all over South America from crossing the border, then Ben Carson has an idea to top that: Use drones against immigrants. Not reconnaissance drones to monitor their movements so the Border Patrol can arrest them, but something a bit more permanent. In Arizona Wednesday, Carson said he’d be open to armed drone strikes against illegal entrants, because wow, that would be so cool. Read more on Ben Carson Has Cool Idea For Bombing Mexicans With Drones…
  anchors away

Donald Trump Is The Greatest Constitutional Scholar, He Is Really Terrific

Trouble with Trumps Hey, you know how Donald Trump is really, really, super and terrifically dumb? Well, funny story: BOY HOWDY IS DONALD TRUMP STUPID. You know how he always has moron “experts” who tell him things like Obama is definitely a Martian, from Mars? Well, now he has “experts” who are teaching him why the Constitution is wrong when it says little brown babies born here are “citizens,” as if. Read more on Donald Trump Is The Greatest Constitutional Scholar, He Is Really Terrific…
  MAN she wants to be his running mate

Sarah Palin Likes Her Men Dumb And Drunk, Like Donald Trump

The blouse really complements her derp.
Sarah Palin loves Donald Trump, because he’s a BIG PICTURE, Joe Six-Pack kind of pompous billionaire asshole HERO, who doesn’t get mired down in little details like “policy” and “actual opinions” about stuff and things. And you know how Joe Six-Pack is, he’s a regular guy who just downed a six pack of Keystone Light and now he’s telling you what he thinks about America and you betcha, we need more people like like Joe Six-Pack, who is Donald Trump. Donald Trump! Read more on Sarah Palin Likes Her Men Dumb And Drunk, Like Donald Trump…
  We exist! We really exist!

Rachel Maddow Wants To Gay Marry Yr Wonkette, And We Accept!

Wonkette's fiance
Wonkette is pleased to report that we officially exist on the internet, after years of relying on strangers to notice us wearing Wonkette T-shirts and carrying Wonkette tote bags (available in the Wonkette Sweat Shop for the low, low price of “money”!) and crinkle their eyebrows like maybe they recognize that logo from somewhere. Read more on Rachel Maddow Wants To Gay Marry Yr Wonkette, And We Accept!…
  all the dicks that're fit to lick

Donald Trump, Who Owns Everything But A Mirror, Called Heidi Klum Ugly

Not yooge. There I was, minding everyone’s business, reading EOnline I guess. “The woman in question this time around was supermodel Heidi Klum. ‘Sometimes I do go a little bit far,’ [Donald Trump] admitted, before adding, ‘Heidi Klum. Sadly, she’s no longer a 10.'” Read more on Donald Trump, Who Owns Everything But A Mirror, Called Heidi Klum Ugly…
  It's Trump All The Way Down

Republicans Want Trump, And If Not Him, Then Maybe Trump Would Do

Trump / Trump 2016!
Trump/Trump 2016! How much do Republican primary voters love Donald Trump? So much that he didn’t only lead the latest CNN/ORC poll, released Tuesday — the Walking Headcase also led the list of respondents’ second choice for president as well. Then again, maybe the results would be different if CNN were polling regular people instead of Orcs. (Elves and Wizards are definitely for Bernie Sanders, while the top response among Hobbits is “Can’t talk now, eating.”) Read more on Republicans Want Trump, And If Not Him, Then Maybe Trump Would Do…
  As Constitutional As They Wanna Be

GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution

Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay
Considering that’s an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay You old folks may remember a time when it was actually controversial, back in 2010, when Iowa congressmelon Steve King wanted to trash the 14th Amendment and its guarantee of birthright citizenship, so Our Nation wouldn’t sink to the sea floor under the weight of all those “anchor babies” the illegals were having. Since then, though, a whole bunch of other Republicans have become quite open to throwing the 14th Amendment right out the Overton Window. You see, while some amendments are holy and can never be restricted — like the Second, which preserves all the others at the mere cost of 30,000 dead Americans annually — others have unintended consequences that simply can’t be tolerated, like how the 14th lets Messicans from all over Latin America come here and pop out a bunch of new citizens who have to be treated as if they had rights or something. Read more on GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution…
  Unfair!

Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker

As we already told you (sheesh, do you people EVER listen?), Donald Trump released his terrifically detailed immigration policy, and it’s terrific. And classy. And beautiful. And tremendous. And the most brilliant policy you ever did read. And in case you didn’t bother, it goes something like this: Read more on Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker…
  Why you hatin?

Bernie Sanders Refuses To Answer Sexist Questions About His Luxurious Mane

That's not hair, Madam, it's IDEAS.
That’s not hair, Madam, it’s IDEAS. A reporter got in BIG TROUBLE with Bernie Sanders, in a new interview for The New York Times, and it was the reporter Ana Marie Cox, who USED to be called Wonkette, like during the Truman administration when this mommyblog and recipe hub started, but she isn’t anymore, because WE are your Wonkette, so stop tweeting in our general direction as if we are she, please and thank you. Anyway, why you mad, Bernard? You don’t want to answer questions about your luxurious white locks of love? Why Old Wonkette gotta be so sexist about Bernie’s hair, yo? Read more on Bernie Sanders Refuses To Answer Sexist Questions About His Luxurious Mane…