December 11, 2013
Wonkers of the Cold War era (which is like all but seven of you, right?) may remember the somber documentaries about the grim job of manning missile silos, with the narrator intoning that the 2-man crews had standing orders to shoot their partner if he went insane. (This may not actually be true, but we [...]
Here you go, we haven’t even watched this yet. (We have it open in another tab, though, and are up to “I’m not the strapping young Muslim Socialist I used to be.” We guess we will keep listening!)
Hey, remember that time Donald Trump (ALLEGEDLY!) referred to someone as “That faggot Jew”?
Jose Canseco has been doing Art, you guys. The wise dragondragon above is titled “Donald Trump the Wise Dragondragon.”
Hey, there is a really big national story going down right now — you know what that means! It’s time for the snide, slithering publicity slug that is Donald J. Trump to attempt to expand his shit-stain of public influence by gurgling up trite, inaccurate pond-spooge and passing it off as legitimate social commentary. This [...]
OK, Wonketteers, what seemed extremely unlikely has actually happened: Johnny Law has captured Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the surviving suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing, and they did so without having to torture anyone, disregard the Constitution, or rely on a self-appointed army of Barney Fifes to do it. And since he was captured rather than shot [...]
DISCLAIMER: This is not a joke. This is a real actual thing. It seems like a joke because it is RIDIC, but just remember that this is a real actual thing: Melania Trump, model, businesswoman and wife of Donald Trump, doesn’t cut corners when it comes to raising her son, Barron. When it comes to [...]
Crusty pustule Donald Trump was obviously absent from school the day they taught children how to distinguish green from blue on maps. While his private team of investigators is still looking into whether Hawaii is in fact part of these United States, The Hair haz a confusion about borders too and how the fuck do [...]
Here is a fun marketing fact: Yr. Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho, which is among the top locations for test-marketing new products in our great nation. Apparently, we have certain demographic characterisitics (doughy, gun-fondling, dog-owning) that are useful predictors of how a new product might sell. It’s sometimes pretty obvious, when for three weeks [...]
Here is another video of Bill O’Reilly not making a hell of a lot of sense. Follow this logic: He starts by saying that Barack Obama “has been somewhat successful in demonizing Republicans,” a point which he illustrates with a clip of Bobby Jindal saying the GOP needs to “stop being the stupid party” and [...]
There’s really not much more we can add, unless maybe it’s this observation by GQ editor Freddie Campion: “You know you’re having a good week when this is only the second best thing you’ve published in less than 24 hours.”
We will confess it, Wonkers, Yr. Doktor Zoom is only doing this post in the hopes that he too may join the elect group of Wonkette writers who have managed to piss off diapered homunculus Donald Trump enough that he yelled incoherent cusses at them on Twitter. (That, and the huge bucket of Wonkette Ameros [...]
As if there were any doubt that Donald Trump is the world’s richest cranky toddler, the useless sack of bile is now pursuing a vendetta against the distiller of Glenfiddich whiskey after the company sponsored a contest that honored an opponent of a golf resort that Trump plans to build in Scotland. Trump’s latest case [...]
Inventor of Facebook George Takei went where no man should have to go: The Trump Tower Grill at the Trump Tower in New Trump City on the planet Trearth — the greatest and classiest of all the planets! He went to this place with Donald Trump.