Wonkette

The current Miss USA, Rachel Smith, is America’s most beloved and trusted source for political analysis second only to David Broder. So why did she clam up around one reporter for the Las Vegas Review-Journal? Doesn’t she know it’s her right and her responsibility, as a citizen and an elected leader, to tell the American public exactly what she thinks about conditions at Walter Reed Army Medical Center? MORE »

That retarded South Carolina teen beauty queen gal will finally be able to buy maps for hungry Americans because now she’s a model for Donald Trump’s tramp agency. [World Net Daily]

* The sooner old Al gets the boot the sooner we get Attorney General Patrick Fitzgerald. [Above the Law]
* Fox News reporters in Afghanistan think American soldiers there are “motherfuckers.” [Nitpicker]
* Tomorrow’s concertless anti-war protest will be opposed by similarly music-free pro-war rally, neither of which anyone gives a shit about. [Jawa Report]
* The rambling political thoughts of Donald J. Trump. [The Swamp]
* Bill Clinton bashes the New York Times for using the kid gloves on Obama and the lead-weighted ones on Hillary. [Horse's Mouth]
* But he’s not talking about his brackets. [Freep (2nd Item)]
* Tune into 20/20 tonight for a lispy tribute to Hugo Chavez. [Business & Media]

* If Hieronymus Bosch had Photoshop he’d kick all these whipper-snappers’ asses. [The Art Directors Club]
* Robert Gates admits what Rumsfeld never could: “I’m no expert on military matters.” [CBS News]
* Barney Frank bangs his gavel 10, maybe 20 times a day. [C&L]
* Barbara Boxer cunt-punches Condi. [Passport]
* New Trump Tower Tehran would be gorgeous, baby, just gorgeous. [Think Progress]
* Dennis Kucinich’s music video takes patience, oooooh yeah, just a little patience. [Washington Wire]

According to one of the non-Prince Charles guys who humped her back when she was still alive, the delusional Princess Diana wasn’t satisfied being, you know, a member of the British Royal Family and the eventual Queen of the whole freakin’ kingdom. MORE »

• Under The Dome: Sen. George Allen thought he had enough problems without The Hill blowing the lid off of this story: His middle name is Felix. Also, Sen. Kent Conrad’s real first name is Gaylord. Boy, it’s a slow week. [The Hill]
• The Transom: Sen. Hillary Clinton was shanghaied into awkward conversation by a kiss-seeking Donald Trump at a party last week, sending her aides into conniptions and her heart all a-flutter. [NYO]
• Names and Faces: A giggly, cigarette-wielding Jenna Bush painted the town stupid this weekend, hitting noted Washington non-hotspot The Bottom Line with some probably vapid friends. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: Shrill harpy Nora Ephron doesn’t personally know any Republicans or evangelical Christians — she just makes shitty, pandering movies for them. [WT]

• Page Six: Donald Trump defends the biggest, swankiest flag ever [NYP]
• Cindy Adams: Cindy predicts Michael Ripoff’s demise. [NYP]
• Liz Smith: Anthony Kennedy whoops it up with Lally Weymouth. [NYP]
• The Reliable Source: Hillary Duff, Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton spotted in the area. [WP]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Will Bloomberg run for President? Signs point to… maybe! [NYDN]

• Washington Whispers: Hastert may be urged to stay put if Hillary wins ‘08 nomination. . . Some Commerce Department employees complain Gutierrez is pressuring them to participate in the Freedom Walk. . . Trump says that if he could talked to Saudi Arabia about oil, “prices would drop like a rock”. . . California Democrats float idea of a celebrity candidate to defeat Schwarzenegger: Bill Clinton? Magic Johnson? Gavin Newsom? Rob Reiner? [USN&WR]
• Inside Politics: Landrieu on “This Week”: “If one person criticizes our sheriffs, or says one more thing, including the president of the United States, he will hear from me. One more word about it after this show airs and I — I might likely have to punch him — literally.”. . . 44% blame Bush in ABC/WP poll. [WT]
• Inside the Beltway: Rehnquist liked his anonymity. [WT]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: FEMA site encourages donations to Pat Robertson’s Operation Blessing. [NYDN]
• Page Six: Streisand requested to be on the same floor as Clinton when they stay at the New York Sheraton. [NYP]