donald rumsfeld

Are you a small business owner looking (now that our economy is in Recovery) to hire an actual destroyer of human beings for your growing Torture of Humans business? In today’s competitive atrocity market, run-of-the-mill teenage terrorists with their scrotum-fuses and YouTube videos probably won’t get the job done (though they are notoriously cheap workers). […]

Do you have a “pretend sex addiction”? Or, if you’re lucky enough to occasionally be around people who drunkenly agree to have sex with you, do you lack interest in “real sex” because of the hot Internet trend of becoming physically numb/impotent when trying to make sexytime with an actual warm human body because of […]

A hundred years ago, an angel was born on Earth. So this weekend, eat some jelly beans (get diabetes) in honor of Ronald Reagan. Egypt’s tourism industry took a hit this week, for some reason. President Obama finally admitted that he takes personal orders from Muslim Jesus, at his national prayer party. The National Enquirer […]

America’s Grandpa of Death Donald Rumsfeld is having his memoir published on Tuesday, serving as an addendum to George W. Bush’s book in that it has actual, alleged facts, opinions, and memories in it. So: Abu Ghraib? Not his fault, but he really wanted to resign over it and feels very emo that big meanie […]

A devious “cold air mass” from Canada floated across our unprotected border and then proceeded to drop giant snow-dumps all over our great nation yesterday, forcing most Americans to abandon their SUVs on the highway and hike to the nearest toll station, so that they could eat the tollbooth lady for nourishment. First “Bieber fever,” […]

Donald Rumsfeld’s memoir will be published in January. Don’t read it: “Known and Unknown,” being published by Sentinel (an imprint of Penguin), refers to Rumsfeld’s explanation in 2002 for the lack of evidence that Iraq was supplying terrorists with weapons of mass destruction. “Reports that say that something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, […]

Matt Yglesias is reaping the many benefits of “blogging whilst standing” — a yoga position championed by Donald Rumsfeld. [Matt Yglesias] A squadron of Eliot Ness Zombies raided a bar in Philly and confiscated a bunch of microbrew IPAs and a keg of Miller Genuine Draft Light 64. [Hit & Run] Does a Grey Poupon […]

Have you read all of Karl Rove’s memoir Me, Poop, Trash, & Gargoyles and presented your findings to your fellow unemployment line decorations yet, at the Water Cooler? You have?? Lucky. Well then surely you remember the part where Rove reveals how George W. Bush kept trying to get Fred Smith, the FedEx shipping company […]

Aww, Jim Inhofe’s grandchildren built Al Gore a spacious snow cavern to live in! How did they know Al’s fursona was a “homeless but sensitive polar bear?” [Think Progress] Looks like it’s going to be another lonely, miserable Valentine’s Day, huh? Hey, why not fingerbang a heavily-discounted Newt Gingrich paperback from the NRO bookstore instead? […]

New information has arisen concerning former mid/lower-level no-name douchey excerpt-mongering George W. Bush speechwriter, the very smart conservative person Matt Latimer! Last week we examined the useless, exploitative heap of self-preserving, unconfirmable anecdotes he passed along to GQ to publicize the release of his douchey tell-all piece of crap book, Speechless, which chronicles the Bush […]

What a fantastic spring it’s been in DC, what with the terrible muggy spell in early May, and now there’s nothing but terrible swampy grossness ahead! Fortunately, DC’s “celebrities” can be spotted both in- and out of doors, where they engage in elite activities such as air travel, grocery shopping, lunching, and even watching sports […]

The Daily Paul has WON THE AFTERNOON with this post, from yesterday, about how Donald Rumsfeld tried to make the 1976 Swine Flu an issue — INVENTED IT? — to win his boss, Gerald Ford, the presidency.

Now that the cold, snowy weather is over and Washingtonians can just parade around in the freezing drizzle, everybody from Jill Biden to a certain former presidential candidate are out doing “normal people” things such as shopping and driving. And and and! Some of these brave souls have even been spotted in other cities, such […]

DONALD RUMSFELD  2:36 pm February 13, 2008

by Jim Newell