Tag Archives: donald rumsfeld

  international burn a memoir day

Do Not Read Donald Rumsfeld’s New Memoir

Donald Rumsfeld’s memoir will be published in January. Don’t read it: “Known and Unknown,” being published by Sentinel (an imprint of Penguin), refers to Rumsfeld’s explanation in 2002 for the lack of evidence that Iraq was supplying terrorists with weapons of mass destruction. Read more on Do Not Read Donald Rumsfeld’s New Memoir…
  rumors on the internets

Fox News Smells A Stinky Oil Conspiracy

Matt Yglesias is reaping the many benefits of “blogging whilst standing” — a yoga position championed by Donald Rumsfeld. [Matt Yglesias] A squadron of Eliot Ness Zombies raided a bar in Philly and confiscated a bunch of microbrew IPAs and a keg of Miller Genuine Draft Light 64. [Hit & Run] Read more on Fox News Smells A Stinky Oil Conspiracy…
  sad stories of failure

Bush Never Got To Name FedEx Guy As America’s Top Warlord

Have you read all of Karl Rove’s memoir Me, Poop, Trash, & Gargoyles and presented your findings to your fellow unemployment line decorations yet, at the Water Cooler? You have?? Lucky. Well then surely you remember the part where Rove reveals how George W. Bush kept trying to get Fred Smith, the FedEx shipping company CEO, to become Secretary of Defense constantly, because he was serious about wars and terror. Read more on Bush Never Got To Name FedEx Guy As America’s Top Warlord…
  rumors on the internets

Science: ‘Massaging Your Scalp With Cigarette Ash’ Might Be Ill-Advised

Aww, Jim Inhofe’s grandchildren built Al Gore a spacious snow cavern to live in! How did they know Al’s fursona was a “homeless but sensitive polar bear?” [Think Progress] Looks like it’s going to be another lonely, miserable Valentine’s Day, huh? Hey, why not fingerbang a heavily-discounted Newt Gingrich paperback from the NRO bookstore instead? Ships with a bottle of Newt’s famous pheromone cologne so you can set the mood! [The Corner] Read more on Science: ‘Massaging Your Scalp With Cigarette Ash’ Might Be Ill-Advised…
  oh boy

(Original) Douchey No-Name Bush Speechwriter In Cahoots With Donald Rumsfeld!

New information has arisen concerning former mid/lower-level no-name douchey excerpt-mongering George W. Bush speechwriter, the very smart conservative person Matt Latimer! Last week we examined the useless, exploitative heap of self-preserving, unconfirmable anecdotes he passed along to GQ to publicize the release of his douchey tell-all piece of crap book, Speechless, which chronicles the Bush Administration’s greatest failure of all: tainting this wide-eyed Michigan conservative’s idealism, with its embrace of PETTY WASHINGTON POLITICS! Poor Matt! We hope this shittily written after-the-fact account of nothing makes a lot of money for him; he’s suffered enough, having to work (= eavesdrop on private conversations) at that STUPID Bush White House for like two days… Anyway, that new information: so the guy who hired this punk at the White House has written an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal slamming Latimer and more or less calling him gay for Donald Rumsfeld. Read more on (Original) Douchey No-Name Bush Speechwriter In Cahoots With Donald Rumsfeld!…
  wonk'd

Backlog Wonk’d: Arlen Specter Watches The Baseball, Hitchens Enjoys Noel Coward, Tony Perkins Throws Off ‘Vibes’

What a fantastic spring it’s been in DC, what with the terrible muggy spell in early May, and now there’s nothing but terrible swampy grossness ahead! Fortunately, DC’s “celebrities” can be spotted both in- and out of doors, where they engage in elite activities such as air travel, grocery shopping, lunching, and even watching sports events. After the jump: Find out which famous politician hums loudly to himself in public bathrooms. Ever been waiting around to pick up your deli sandwich or your luggage or collect your mail or whatever, and you see some very put-together man or lady giving you the eye like they would like to take you up to Eliot Spitzer’s room at the Mayflower? It’s probably one of those terrible people you’ve seen on O’Reilly’s show talking about the sanctity of post-marital sex. Tell us about these encounters, and other more boring encounters please! Write to tips@wonkette with subject line “Wonk’d.” Read more on Backlog Wonk’d: Arlen Specter Watches The Baseball, Hitchens Enjoys Noel Coward, Tony Perkins Throws Off ‘Vibes’…
  it is true

Paultards Find Swine Flu/Rumsfeld Conspiracy Connection

The Daily Paul has WON THE AFTERNOON with this post, from yesterday, about how Donald Rumsfeld tried to make the 1976 Swine Flu an issue — INVENTED IT? — to win his boss, Gerald Ford, the presidency. Read more on Paultards Find Swine Flu/Rumsfeld Conspiracy Connection…
  wonk'd

Springtime Wonk’d: Washington Fancies Blooming Like Beautiful Crocuses

Now that the cold, snowy weather is over and Washingtonians can just parade around in the freezing drizzle, everybody from Jill Biden to a certain former presidential candidate are out doing “normal people” things such as shopping and driving. And and and! Some of these brave souls have even been spotted in other cities, such as exotic and far-flung Manhattan. Have you seen some person where you’re like, “Hey that is not a bad-looking person for their age, I wonder what is wrong with them on the inside,” and then you figure out they’re on TV all the time or they’re married to a politician? Well, there’s your answer. Email your story to tips@wonkette.com with subject line ‘Wonk’d’ to share your disappointment and misery. Read more on Springtime Wonk’d: Washington Fancies Blooming Like Beautiful Crocuses…
 

Bush Loves Him! Meet The Navy SEAL Special Ops Super-Spook

Hot, bald and stumpy Navy Rear Admiral Robert Harward is pulling a coup, thanks to our brave tribal leader George W. Bush. At the President’s recommendation, he’s jumping from one star to three-star vice admiral, a rare double promotion. How much enduring of freedom has Harward done to get such love from our beloved President? Why Harward, and not other SEALs such as crazed wrestler-governor Jesse Ventura or Vietnam killer of children and current New School president Bob Kerrey? Read more on Bush Loves Him! Meet The Navy SEAL Special Ops Super-Spook…
 

*ICE 9/11 STORM INJURES AMERICAN HERO:* “Defense Secretary Robert Gates fractured his right arm in a fall on an icy step at his home in Washington, D.C., and was treated Wednesday at Bethesda Naval Medical Center, the Pentagon said.” Too bad it wasn’t Donald Rumsfeld. Wait, who is Bob Gates? [AP/Yahoo] Read more on …
 

‘Therapy Dogs’ To Stay in Iraq For One Hundred Years

newVideoPlayer("Dogs_Snapper.flv", 463, 387,"");The era of Donald Rumsfeld is over. American troops in Iraq have the equipment, support and troop numbers they need to make the SURGE win even more. But our correspondent in Sadr City says that it’s the pwecious wittle “therapy dogs” that are winning the public relations war. Even Iraq mayor Osama bin Laden saw Shocky the Therapy Dog recently and immediately blew himself up over his schoolboy’s glee. Read more on ‘Therapy Dogs’ To Stay in Iraq For One Hundred Years…
 

French Shower Rumsfeld with Love, Subpoenas

You’d think Donald Rumsfeld would know better than to go to the land of rabid Jerry Lewis fans, striped boating shirt aficionados and melty cheeses, but oh, no! He probably thought, “It’s Sarkozy’s town, now,” and, therefore, he’d be greeted as a liberator. Well, not exactly: Former US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld’s jaunt to France was interrupted today by an unscheduled itinerary item — he was slapped with a criminal complaint charging him with torture. Rumsfeld, in Paris for a discussion sponsored by the magazine Foreign Policy, was tracked down by representatives of a coalition of international human rights groups, who informed the architect of the US invasion of Iraq that they had submitted a torture suit against him in French court. The filed documents allege that during his tenure, the former defense secretary “ordered and authorized” torture of detainees at both the American-run Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq and the US military’s detainment facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Read more on French Shower Rumsfeld with Love, Subpoenas…
 

Cheney Sad!

According to what will surely be an utterly insane Fox News documentary (Dick Cheney: No Retreat is the serious, no-foolin’ name), Vice President Gargamel disagreed with Bush’s decision to remove his buddy Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary. Because Don was doing such a great job with the war, and oh, also because Don is the only reason Dick has reached his current position of ridiculous power. “I wouldn’t be where I am today if it hadn’t been for what Don Rumsfeld was willing to do,” Cheney told Fox, just in case we’d all forgotten how much we hate Don Rumsfeld. But, uh, we’re kinda confused. Because didn’t Rummy voluntarily resign? Read more on Cheney Sad!…
 

Partly Cloudy With Chance of Shame

This week, General Petraeus, James Carville, Wesley Clark, Donald Rumsfeld, Henry Kissinger, Sam Brownback, and Mary Cheney were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. Read more on Partly Cloudy With Chance of Shame…
 

From GQ: “How about Colin Powell? Are you still close? “‘No! We’re not close. Never were.'” [GQ]
 

“Rumsfeld said he couldn’t recall the last time he and the president spoke. Do you miss him? ‘Um, no,’ Rumsfeld said.” [AP/Yahoo]
 

Rummy Resigned Early

Turns out Donald Rumsfeld, the worst Defense Secretary in the history of bad Defense Secretaries, even counting fictional ones, including whoever was Defense Secretary when Lex Luthor was President, and who resigned in disgrace the day after the 2006 midterm elections, actually resigned the day before the midterm elections. So we’re two days closer to winning in Iraq than we all thought! Read more on Rummy Resigned Early…
 

Rumsfeld: ‘I Do Not Recall Ordering Hit On Pat Tillman’

Rumsfeld had a “change of heart” and decided to actually listen to Congress and show up and deny killing Pat Tillman. These are funny times, as you can usually tell when the sacked Secretary of Defense testifies before a House Committee investigating the fratricide of NFL/Army hero Pat Tillman and the coordinated (but ultimately botched) conspiracy to hide the murder. Read more on Rumsfeld: ‘I Do Not Recall Ordering Hit On Pat Tillman’…
 

Who Ordered the Execution of NFL/Army Hero Pat Tillman?

It’s almost too depressing to mention again, but let’s recap the Pat Tillman revelations from Army medical examiners and internal Pentagon reports released last week and find out what happens when famous football stars turned Army Heroes become anti-war critics: Read more on Who Ordered the Execution of NFL/Army Hero Pat Tillman?…
 

You Seem to Have Turned on America’s Favorite Marine

This week, Michael Steele, Adam Kokesh, Clint Borgen, John Edwards, Donald Rumsfeld, Gabrielle Carteris, Patrick Fitzgerald, and Fred Thompson were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. Read more on You Seem to Have Turned on America’s Favorite Marine…
 

James, James, Chris, Newt, and Don

It’s another installment of get-what-you-pay-for Wonk’d featuring James Carville and his incessantly opaque metaphors, Chris Matthews and his inability to dress or eat like a normal person, Newt Gingrich pretending to love all God’s children, and God’s warrior himself, Donald Rumsfeld, fighting like he was in The Warriors — and trying to make it out of New York alive. Read more on James, James, Chris, Newt, and Don…