donald rumsfeld
Murderous Charlatan Donald Rumsfeld Still Terrible At Math
Here is a link to a video, since CNN’s embed code is totally borked, for anyone who cares what a disgraced and discredited old sociopath thinks about anything. It is your third most favorite unindicted war criminal, Donald Rumsfeld! He was on the teevee with smarmy phone-raper Piers Morgan, saying words about how scandals are [...]
Fox News Finds Iraq’s Missing WMDs Right Where Saddam Hid Them, In Syria, Iran, Sudan, North Korea And Probably France
Ladies and gentlemen, our long national nightmare is over. Fox News “military analyst” retired Lt. Gen. Thomas McInerny has found the Weapons of Mass Destruction, and they are at points east, west, north and south of Syria, because why not. Also, the Russians helped hide them there, and (presumably) also in all the other countries [...]
A Childrens’ Treasury Of People You Never Wanted To Think About Ever Again
Since this month marks the ten-year anniversary of the War to Soothe George W. Bush’s Daddy Issues, and because our blood pressure has not skyrocketed to the point where it blew out the cuff the nurse strapped around our arm at our last physical, your Wonkette thought it would be fun to take a look [...]
Romney Talks War Stuff Without Actually Promising More Wars, What A Wuss
Oh, boy, a Republican presidential candidate just went to give a “major foreign policy address” to a military academy, which as we all know means a whole lot of highly explosive murder-death, for freedom, right? Well, sorry carnage lovers, your 2012 GOP nominee isn’t the sort of guy who, say, makes up comical “Weird” Al-style [...]
Bored Condi Calls For Attacking Iran, Because What Else Is There To Do
America’s most lovable war criminal, Condoleezza Rice, likes only one thing more than hawking her new book, and that’s warmongering. So now that she’s been removed from the White House (too late), and is back to being a regular old academic-type person, with a new book, what do you suppose she’s doing with all her [...]
Charity Offering Veterans Chance To Strangle Donald Rumsfeld
We usually click “delete all” on the marketing press releases that flood the Wonkette Tips Line each day, but this Veterans Day Charity Auction thing to help veterans mauled and disfigured by Donald Rumsfeld’s murderous oil-company wars sounded kind of special: “Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is auctioning the opportunity for a winning bidder [...]
Betrayed Donald Rumsfeld Breaks Up With NY Times On Twitter
Donald Rumsfeld has a lot of old man angst these days, and of course the recent 9/11 anniversary did not help. He was crying in his room listening to the saddest Justin Bieber song there is, when he picked up his New York Times and began to read. He did not like the words that [...]
Hero Veteran Gets Court Permission To Sue The Pants Off Donald Rumsfeld
At some point during the Iraq War, the United States decided not only to torture and unlawfully imprison all the furriner brown people it could get its hands on; it also decided to start torturing and unlawfully imprisoning its own citizens as well. Hooray for totalitarianism! During the war, Old Rummy Rum gave one of [...]
Donald Rumsfeld Anally Probed By TSA
Forgotten war criminal Donald Rumsfeld was taking a flight back to one of his mansions for the weekend when he was apprehended and felt up by TSA slobs. This is kind of like Justice, minus the part where Donald Rumsfeld was tortured for sixty-two years and then thrown into the Lake of Fire. Because, of [...]
Donald Rumsfeld On Facebook, Wants To Be On ‘America’s Next Top Model’
Donald Rumsfeld’s long career of public service is over and now he, like any retired grandparent/war criminal, spends a lot of time on The Facebook. For example: “I met Tyra Banks last night in Hollywood. She probably wouldn’t have to twist my arm to be a guest judge on America’s Next Top Model.” Yeah, Donald [...]
Donald Rumsfeld Refuses To Answer Whether Or Not He’s a Lizard Person
ARE DONALD RUMSEFELD AND DICK CHENEY LIZARD PEOPLE FROM OUTER SPACE WHO EAT HUMAN FLESH? For years, this is the one question the world has wanted to ask, as it is the only rational explanation for two beings that look human but in no way acted like it when they were in office. Yesterday, the [...]
Donald Rumsfeld Sad About Torture, Opponents of Torture
Are you a small business owner looking (now that our economy is in Recovery) to hire an actual destroyer of human beings for your growing Torture of Humans business? In today’s competitive atrocity market, run-of-the-mill teenage terrorists with their scrotum-fuses and YouTube videos probably won’t get the job done (though they are notoriously cheap workers). [...]
Single Photograph Will Keep You From Ever Thinking About Sex Again
Do you have a “pretend sex addiction”? Or, if you’re lucky enough to occasionally be around people who drunkenly agree to have sex with you, do you lack interest in “real sex” because of the hot Internet trend of becoming physically numb/impotent when trying to make sexytime with an actual warm human body because of [...]
Remembering Our Fallen Week: America’s Favorite Corpse Turns 100
A hundred years ago, an angel was born on Earth. So this weekend, eat some jelly beans (get diabetes) in honor of Ronald Reagan. Egypt’s tourism industry took a hit this week, for some reason. President Obama finally admitted that he takes personal orders from Muslim Jesus, at his national prayer party. The National Enquirer [...]
Donald Rumsfeld: It’s Not My Fault
America’s Grandpa of Death Donald Rumsfeld is having his memoir published on Tuesday, serving as an addendum to George W. Bush’s book in that it has actual, alleged facts, opinions, and memories in it. So: Abu Ghraib? Not his fault, but he really wanted to resign over it and feels very emo that big meanie [...]
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