Tag: doj

Jeff Sessions Orders Justice Department To Be Nicer To Head-Bashing Police

Gee, if only people had known Sessions was a member of the Leopards Eating Your Face party...

Trump’s Crazy EPA Guy? He’s FAR TOO SANE! Wonkagenda For Tues., March 28, 2017

Trump set to unveil his climate plan, mid-term election planning has begun, and EVERYONE hates Devin Nunes.

Hey Trump, When You’ve Lost Benghazi Congressidiot Trey Gowdy, It’s Time To STFU

Gowdy is somehow not convinced Trump is telling the truth about Obama's 'wire tapp' of him!

Jeff Sessions: What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate!

Now that he's made clear the Justice Department is so over voting rights, since racism is a thing of the past, Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III has focused firmly on the need to Git Tuff on crime, especially...

Jeff Sessions Ain’t Know Why Y’all Think Texas Was Tryin’ To Discriminate When Racism Is Over And All

The Attorney General is a busy man, and voting rights don't interest him nearly as much as the crime wave we're not having.
Check their wallets first

Let’s Pretend Justice Department’s Reversal On Private Prisons Isn’t Just Big Payoff For Campaign Cash

Don't wanna cause a big s-s-sensation / Just Talkin' 'Bout Incarceration.
HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.

Rush Limbaugh Pretty Sure Liberals Can’t Wait For Hurricane Matthew To Kill Everybody

How can we keep our 'climate change' conspiracy going if big hurricanes don't murder everybody all the time?

Fine, Loretta Lynch Has Better Things To Do Than Read Hillary’s Dumb Emails Anyway

Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton ran into each other at the airport. BURN HER!
You have GOT to be freaking kidding me.

Fox News Pretty Sure Hillary Should Fry For Obama’s SCOTUS Pick

You know that Cards Against Humanity card that says "Pooping back and forth forever?" It's from a movie, but it might as well be about Fox News and other assorted wingnut pundits. We saw it this week on Fox when...
Check their wallets first

No-Fun Justice Department Won’t Let Courts Put Poor People In Debtors’ Prisons, Boooo!

The U.S. Justice Department seems intent on taking all the fun -- or at least the profit -- out of state and local courts treating poor people as a source of (mostly) uncomplaining revenue. The DOJ Monday told states'...

Immigration Judge Certain That Three-Year-Olds Make Dandy Attorneys

Three-year-olds are good at lots of things. Singing weird made-up songs about the color orange until you want to throttle them, asking awkward questions about who Mommy's new friend that stays overnight is, being perpetually sticky. We will grant...

President Ted Cruz To Pardon That Planned Parenthood Video Guy First Thing, For Justice

Have you been wondering who Mr. Ted "I love the rule of law so much I take it to bed at night and spoon it just like I would the corpse of Antonin Scalia" Cruz would pardon if he...
"punch buggy black... Two 'fer coughing!"

Will The Government Go All Neville Chamberlain On Volkswagen??

Way back in 2015, Scott Walker was a viable presidential candidate, llamas roamed the streets, and Volkswagen was in deep scheisse for equipping automobiles with software that allowed its cars to cheat emissions tests. While the llamas were captured...

Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder Finally Decides Flint Residents Drinking Lead Not Such A Great Idea

You will recall that a few weeks ago, we told you all about how people in Flint, Michigan, are drinking water so lead-ridden that they are basically becoming human versions of those lead weights you use to sink yourself...
Was there any other picture we could have used?

Why Dumbass Republicans Want To Impeach IRS For Doing Nothing Wrong: A Wonksplainer

Remember how we reported that the Department of Justice determined the IRS DID NOT harass teabagging morans, despite the lies of Darrell Issa & Co? We’ve known this has been a non-scandal for YEARS (proof here and here), but...
They're gonna need their teddies, their blankies and a nap.

Justice Department Won’t Throw Obama In Jail For Doing IRS-Ghazi To Teabaggers

In another stunning defeat for the Republican Party, President Obama's jackbooted thugs at the Department of Justice announced BREAKING NEWS that they have finished their two-year investigation into the sad tea-flavored tears of conservatives accusing the IRS of doing war crimes to the tea...