Tag: doj

HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.

Rush Limbaugh Pretty Sure Liberals Can’t Wait For Hurricane Matthew To Kill Everybody

How can we keep our 'climate change' conspiracy going if big hurricanes don't murder everybody all the time?

Fine, Loretta Lynch Has Better Things To Do Than Read Hillary’s Dumb Emails Anyway

Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton ran into each other at the airport. BURN HER!
You have GOT to be freaking kidding me.

Fox News Pretty Sure Hillary Should Fry For Obama’s SCOTUS Pick

You know that Cards Against Humanity card that says "Pooping back and forth forever?" It's from a movie, but it might as well be about Fox News and other assorted wingnut pundits. We saw it this week on Fox when...
Check their wallets first

No-Fun Justice Department Won’t Let Courts Put Poor People In Debtors’ Prisons, Boooo!

The U.S. Justice Department seems intent on taking all the fun -- or at least the profit -- out of state and local courts treating poor people as a source of (mostly) uncomplaining revenue. The DOJ Monday told states'...

Immigration Judge Certain That Three-Year-Olds Make Dandy Attorneys

Three-year-olds are good at lots of things. Singing weird made-up songs about the color orange until you want to throttle them, asking awkward questions about who Mommy's new friend that stays overnight is, being perpetually sticky. We will grant...

President Ted Cruz To Pardon That Planned Parenthood Video Guy First Thing, For Justice

Have you been wondering who Mr. Ted "I love the rule of law so much I take it to bed at night and spoon it just like I would the corpse of Antonin Scalia" Cruz would pardon if he...
"punch buggy black... Two 'fer coughing!"

Will The Government Go All Neville Chamberlain On Volkswagen??

Way back in 2015, Scott Walker was a viable presidential candidate, llamas roamed the streets, and Volkswagen was in deep scheisse for equipping automobiles with software that allowed its cars to cheat emissions tests. While the llamas were captured...

Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder Finally Decides Flint Residents Drinking Lead Not Such A Great Idea

You will recall that a few weeks ago, we told you all about how people in Flint, Michigan, are drinking water so lead-ridden that they are basically becoming human versions of those lead weights you use to sink yourself...
Was there any other picture we could have used?

Why Dumbass Republicans Want To Impeach IRS For Doing Nothing Wrong: A Wonksplainer

Remember how we reported that the Department of Justice determined the IRS DID NOT harass teabagging morans, despite the lies of Darrell Issa & Co? We’ve known this has been a non-scandal for YEARS (proof here and here), but...
They're gonna need their teddies, their blankies and a nap.

Justice Department Won’t Throw Obama In Jail For Doing IRS-Ghazi To Teabaggers

In another stunning defeat for the Republican Party, President Obama's jackbooted thugs at the Department of Justice announced BREAKING NEWS that they have finished their two-year investigation into the sad tea-flavored tears of conservatives accusing the IRS of doing war crimes to the tea...
WWKD

Your Car Might Be Lying To The Government And Other Recall News From Corporate America

Nobody's perfect, not even even our biggest and brightest Corporate Persons. That's why the Big Guys keep healthy financial reserves, insurance policies, and often the ability to write off legal settlements for tax purposes. This is totally different from...
That's her 'screw you' smile

Hillary Clinton Asks New York Times To F*ck Off And Die, Thanks

It would appear that Madame Mrs. Secretary President-Elect (Almost) Hillz R. Clinton is a tad miffed that the New York Times published a completely not true in any way whatsoever story about her last week, gosh, can't imagine why!...
Sorry not sorry

New York Times Sorry For Sucking At Journalism, Again

Our esteemed newspaper of record told a riveting EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT NEW YORK TIMES! tale last week about a criminal inquiry into Hillary Clinton's mishandling of classified information with her personal email. And except for how it wasn't about Clinton...
Delete your account, NYT

New York Times Writes Badass Slash Fiction About Hillary Clinton Criminal Investigation

In its pathological Liberal Media quest to catch Billary Clinton Doing Some Kind of Bad Thing That Is Bad Maybe, the New York Times published a devastating, campaign-destroying, earth-shattering, game-changing, smoking gun GOTCHA! story late Thursday night, and it...
A bit like the end of Close Encounters, only with tear gas.

Justice Department: Maybe Police Treating Ferguson Like Fallujah Was A Bad Idea

A draft Justice Department report on the police response to demonstrations in Ferguson, Missouri, last summer finds -- and we hope you're sitting down here -- that the heavily armed police were heavy-handed in their tactics, poorly coordinated, and...

Ted Cruz Tells Another Appropriate Well-Timed Joke, This Time About Guns Ha Ha Ha

Hoo boy, that Ted Cruz sure is a funny guy. While he is too big a coward to take a position on the Confederate flag and whether it should continue to fly on the grounds of South Carolina's state...