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Posts Tagged ‘dogs’

BREAKING NEWS

The Obamas Are About To Get Their Dog, In Spring, Pretty Soon!

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

Please don't drink out of the motherfucking toilet bowl.Now this is some change we can believe in: Barack Obama kept his promise to three Americans (his wife and daughters) and now the family has a dog (Bobby Jindal). Ha, just kidding, they wanted a good dog. And they haven’t actually picked out a canine, yet. It’s all in People magazine, which is the main periodical covering the Obama Administration, because Americans love People, and when’s the last time you saw the NYT in the checkout line? MORE »


SERVICE JOURNALISM

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

Chewbacca?HELP FIND THIS LOST D.C. DOG: This is Alli, a 17-month-old Newfoundland. She vanished the night of January 21, from Georgetown. Very nice dog, etc. Black nylon collar. [Find My Dog Alli] MORE »


ANIMAL ATTACKS

President Chirac Mauled By Insane Little Dog

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

We all know what they're talking about here, right?Man French people have some bad luck with their dogs. Just a few years ago that lady got half her face eaten off by her Labrador, so they had to slap some cadaver’s face on her and that worked out OK, but still. And now former French President Jacques Chirac, who nobody much liked when he was in office, is a national hero because he got mauled by his crappy little Maltese, which was “clinically depressed.” MORE »


THE OBAMAS STILL NEED A PUPPY

CNN’s ‘Puppidential Debate’

Thursday, January 8th, 2009

How adorable! Be sure to watch till the end, when Anderson Cooper makes a funny joke about not being housebroken. [YouTube]


THE DOG WHISPERER

Joe Biden Purchases Menacing Police Dog

Monday, December 15th, 2008

Daisy Hill Puppy Farm.Weird Joe Biden wants a puppy, too! But instead of a cute little rescue mutt, Ol’ Hairplug went to a puppy farm, in Philadelphia, and bought a mean-ass German Shepherd, which is being trained right now by Delaware’s killer-dog K9 cops. MORE »


MAY GOD BLESS THIS PUPPY

PUPPIES PUPPIES PUPPIES

Thursday, November 13th, 2008

This is your puppy, America. It belongs to you. [White House Puppy]


HELLHOUNDS

Here’s Your Creepy Bald Dog, Obama Girls!

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

You can call it 'Cuddles.'Oh, you want a dog? Here is a dog for you, straight from the fires of HELL. You can dress it up in a sweater and some lipstick, and it will look exactly like Liz Taylor. This is a Peruvian Hairless dog, ancient pet of the Incas. It is prone to acne and blackheads. Some crazy Peruvian lady wants to give it to you because she hates America. [MSNBC]


OBAMA'S MYSTERY PUPPY

Obamas Will Adopt Precious Rescue Puppy, Destroy American Businesses

Wednesday, November 5th, 2008

This is a German Shorthair Pointer rescue puppy, it eats arugula.Oh look at those Obamas once again “doing the right thing” and being decent or whatever. The terrorist cell “PETA” just sent us this email, claiming that “Obama and his wife, Michelle, have announced that they will adopt a rescued dog for their daughters instead of patronizing a pet store or breeder.” Oh la dee dah, President Hopes-a-lot, going to save an innocent puppy (probably a “street organizer” single-parent puppy) from euthanasia while shutting down Joe the Breeder’s puppy mill, HENGHH? MORE »


THAT'S NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

That's racist!BLACK DOGS HAVE NAMES LIKE HOPEY, WHEREAS WHITE DOGS ARE OLD AND CONFUSED: For your consideration, here are the front and back covers of an elitist anti-Christian magazine called Nature. [Gawker]


LIZ GLOVER INTERVIEWS THE STARS

Sexist CNN Dog Attacks Wonkette

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

Last night, Wonkette videographer Liz Glover stole someone’s CNN Grill credential and gained entry into this mysterious hub of vapidity, where she found a cute doggy sleeping through Sarah Palin’s “stemwinder” of a wingnut rant. Then she tried to interview The Daily Show’s John Oliver, but he rejected her — he already had a make-out date scheduled with Dana Milbank in the Grill’s unisex bathroom. And then the sleeping dog awakens and attacks Liz Glover. No one helps for like a minute! CNN is corrupt with blood money. [YouTube]


NSFW

McCain Dog Is On Board With Walnuts

Monday, September 1st, 2008

I wanna be your dogSpotted in downtown St. Paul today: this charming little hound with a very special present for John McCain.