Wonkette

The big Obama party’s press room (imagine the orgy of a century, except you can only watch it on a big screen surrounded by 3,323,231 HuffPo reporters) has a SNIFFING DOG that has to search your bags for bombs, because Barack is more black than your average presidential candidate and will likely be assassinated by Ron Paul. Anyway, Liz stupidly threw away all her drugs and alcohol before I could say “no, THAT dog doesn’t care!” My, how a moment becomes a lifetime! So we’re here in this gym, and that’s Liz playing with Obama’s bomb-sniffing dog. Over.

Still haven’t bought your special someone a Christmas gift? Well let salesman Dennis Kucinich make you v. v. special offer: For only $219.95, Dennis Kucinich sell you “a Palm Beach County voting machine from the 2000 election ‘containing actual chads,’ with a ‘replica butterfly ballot’ and a letter signed by Kucinich proclaiming ‘the stolen presidential election of 2000,’” to quote Gannett News. Very good price, my friend. MORE »

Dick Cheney dressed up his two doggie woggies for Halloween! That’s “Dave” on the right as Superman, and “Jackson” on the left as Dick Cheney. Ooh, also: Michelle Malkin’s costume was an Asian. [AP]

John Edwards is always excited to go home and see his Aryan cyborg-children after a hard day on the campaign trail. Rare are the days when he doesn’t bring them treats from the local haberdashery — Christmas figs! Turkish delights! Turkish Silvers! Ah, those Edwards boys love their patriarch. And that love grew twofold recently when Edwards came home with two new puppies, Rufus and Emma Claire! Yesterday, the Edwards team announced the “latest additions” to the family on its campaign blog, opening the door for commenters to post pictures of their new puppies too. Interestingly enough, one of these commenters was Tracy Russo, who writes said campaign blog. MORE »

While Michael Hayden and the “Terrorist Buster” give the CIA a pretty face before congressional appropriations hearings, the real American intelligence community answers to a dog named Zoltan. MORE »

A dog named “Duncan MacDonald” is still on the voter rolls in Seattle, which King County election officials say proves “the system works.” MORE »

Ever since Dick Nixon “opened” China, Americans have been treated to an endless supply of cheap consumer goods that are much more affordable for unemployed people. Here’s the latest list of stuff that costs a little less as it kills you: MORE »

* How to torture and kill Marines. [Sometimes You Have To Kiss a Few Frogs]
* Would you give up your seat for a pregnant woman, even after vicious urban-style warfare to capture that very resting place? Even if you’re going to Shady Grove? [Urban Baby-DC]
* “When is a pick up not a pick up? When it’s a pyramid scheme.” [Grateful Dating]
* Bloggers, beware: “Being a blogger presents serious liabilities. Industry colleagues and potential employers have all ended up on this blog thanks to Google Search (damn you).” [Big Sky Girl]
* Interns overheard: “Now is your opportunity to shine. Because now is your opportunity to delegate. That’s right Washington, it’s summer, and the interns have landed.” [DCist]

Icy blonde propagandrix Dana Perino isn’t just lying about her boss’s crimes these days — she’s also refusing to comment on the jailing of her husband by federal cops!

The feds locked up Parino’s man, British criminal Peter McMahon, after a federal warrant was issued for his arrest … for not paying an unleashed-dog ticket in time.

Seems McMahon was walking his leashless Vizsla in Lincoln Park in November when a U.S. Park Police officer told McMahon to “gain control” of Henry the dog and “put him on a leash.” And then it gets really good, after the jump.

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Last Saturday, for reasons that still not entirely clear to us, Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter, went to something called “Fashion for Paws,” billed as the Washington Humane Society’s first annual “fashion fete.” MORE »

Senator Robert Byrd has a dog. Her name is Trouble, but you can call her Baby. Apparently she’s writing his Senate statements these days. MORE »

WALNUTS! McCain’s campaign is an embarrassing mess — so who better to turn that mess around than a Jew-counting Nixonite? McCain recently brought on Fred Malek to be his national finance co-chair. Mr. Malek has a long, celebrated history in the GOP, from Nixon onwards, and he’s connected, of course, to the Bushes. MORE »

It was a bad weekend for Rudy Giuliani. First, his BFF Bernie Kerik is about to be indicted for being too bold and effective on 9/11 (and fucking Judith Regan, which has been a felony since a 9/12 executive order). And, oh hey, it turns out that Rudy’s head of the Department of Investigations might’ve had up to five meetings with the mayor to talk about crazy, corrupt ol’ Bernie. But all that stuff’s complicated — much more newsworthy: Rudy’s 12th wife will cut open and brutally vivisect your dog. MORE »

FDA vet chief Stephen F. Sundlof announced this morning that imported “wheat gluten” poisoned with melamine is what’s killing American dogs and cats and generally driving people crazy. The goop is imported from a Chinese factory and then shipped to Canada, and mushed up with god knows what at some factory in Ontario (and then in Kansas!) before being packaged in a thousand different labels — from expensive boutique brands to Wal-Mart generic — and sold all over North America. MORE »