dogs
Now Joe Biden Has Killed A Dog, Just To Watch It Die
The field’s all yours, Hillary Clinton. Old Handsome Joe Biden will no longer be running for president now that the Drudge Report (and CBS) has explained that he killed this dog. Gail Collins will write 1,452,722 articles about Joe Biden killing this dog. Ghost Andrew Breitbart will produce a cookbook for how to fix the [...]
Mitt Romney’s Google Results Sabotaged With Dog Poop
Your Wonkette was performing its routine of googling “Romney” at the start of each morning for daily affirmation when lo, what was this third result that appeared? “SpreadingRomney.com,” a dictionary page defining the verb “Romney” as “defecating in terror.” This refers to his dog on top of the family car. When will the Internet grow [...]
Terrorists Not Nearly as Good at Killing People as Dogs
Either we are doing a TERRIFIC job keeping those terrorists away, ha ha, OR we are not spending nearly enough money on the real threats in this country. It sounds like maybe it is the latter, because people are just dropping dead everywhere, from things like “dog bites,” instead of at the hands of evil [...]
Michigan Lady Will Not Go To Jail Over Her Garden, Just Her Dogs
The woman whose front-yard FLOTUS shrine almost landed her in jail is in the clear now, sort of! So nice try, obesity epidemic, you lose this one. The city of Oak Park, Michigan no longer cares about Julie Bass’ hideous vegetable garden. Instead, they would like to go after her dogs, because Oak Park is [...]
Your Next President: The Guy Who Trains Monkeys To Ride Dogs
The United States of America has been blessed with great rhetoricians, select individuals who appear on the national stage in times of peril, stand up, give voice to what is right, and lead the nation forward. A few years ago, many of us thought Barack Obama, a skilled orator in his own right, would prove [...]
California Gov. Jerry Brown’s ‘First Dog’ Euthanized Due To Budget Cuts
Here’s a stupid Los Angeles Times video of Governor Jerry Brown’s legless tribble-sausage dog running around the state capitol while most dogs in California are being “put to sleep” (along with education and infrastructure and state parks) because corporations won’t pay their fair share of taxes in California. Yayyy, animal videos!
Rick Perry Did Something To the President’s Dog
This dog always seemed like a real asshole to us. But now he has that look of sheer terror in his eyes like a man came up behind him and, well, interfered. WHAT DID YOU DO, PERRY? We looked at more of Rick Perry’s Twitter. It seems he mostly uses it to post photos of [...]
BREAKING: POLITICO FINDS OUT ABOUT BEN QUAYLE’S MUSCLES
Guess what? Politico got to talk to Ben Quayle! Ooh, what is he like? Do you think he’ll like Politico? Will he want to be friends with them and stuff? He’s so cool because he’s the only member of Congress who hasn’t had at least one bout with prostate cancer in his life so far. [...]
Nazis Were Obsessed With ‘Hitler-Mocking’ Dog That Wore Sunglasses
In the middle of World War II, the Foreign Office in Berlin commanded its diplomats in the Nazi-friendly Nordic country to gather evidence on the dog, and even came up with plans to destroy the pharmaceutical wholesale company of the dog’s owner. [...] “Just months before the Nazis launched their attack on the Soviet Union, [...]
Arizona Kills War Hero Dog
So this dog saved a bunch of people during some terror bombing in Afghanistan. What a brave dog! Like all heroes, this dog was sent to America to go on teevee, so it could become famous and live with a family of Army heroes. Sadly, the dog was also sent to live in Arizona: Target [...]
Teabaggers Come Out Forcefully In Favor of Puppy Abuse
Teabaggers in Missouri are up in arms over a proposed law that would regulate the state’s puppy mills by requiring them to give a bitch some rest between pregnancies, yo, and feed the puppies actual food and water. This has enraged them, obviously, because such regulations infringe on our cherished freedom to abuse animals and [...]
Carl Paladino’s Violent Pit Bull Probably Just Carl Paladino Furry
Carl Paladino is probably the most violent gubernatorial candidate in United States History. But what about Paladino’s 80-pound pit bull, “Duke”? Is he violent too? It would seem so, because Duke recently attacked a helpless “yellow” Labrador, which is not only violent but also sounds kinda racist! Wait a second … Is “Duke” Carl Paladino’s [...]
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