Tag: dogs

Wonkagenda: Friday, September 23, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
Fame and fortune except the fortune part.

I, Also Too, Would Like To Tell You A Story About Wonkette

Yes, we are still fundraising, because it's like a FUNDRAISING DRIVE, where we keep fundraising!

Carly Fiorina Lies To Dogs, Eats Milkbones, Is Bitch

Oh dear sweet Jesus, lying liar Carly Fiorina has made a "debate prep" video in a seeming attempt to appear cuddly and sweet, as opposed to the sniveling lie-face she is. The video is called "Why Dogs Are Better Than...
Fame and fortune except the fortune part.

Wonkette’s Evan Hurst Is World-Famous In Memphis: A Story By Evan Hurst

Oh hi, do you know me? I am one of your Wonkettes, and I am the most famous person in the universe. I am taking a break from having brunch with Taylor Swift, saying "Oh no she di'int" about...
Not the stabber.

Mike Huckabee Never Stabbed Everybody Like That Criminal Ben Carson

Oh good, it is time for Mike Huckabee to weigh in on Ben Carson's made-up history of being the stabbiest juvenile delinquent ever to break West Point's heart. Huck went on the bad MSNBC morning program to tell everyone, FOR...
Somebody set up us the dong!

Is America Ready For This French Retro-Porn Sci-Fi Parody? Your Saturday Nerdout

The weekends are for rest, relaxation, and catching up on binge-watching The Walking Dead (yes, even Season 5). Oh, and maybe doing something about that mass of matter in the kitchen sink before it achieves self-awareness and launches Judgment...
'I've got the strangest feeling that my face wants to sit down'

None To Beam Up Just Yet: Your Saturday Nerdout

Happy Saturday, nerdlings! We have all sorts of geeky goodies for you today, so warm up your Oscillation Overthrusters, make sure you have enough gigawatts for your flux capacitors, and have another cup of coffee. Also, you may as...
Be honest, you're looking at his piece of equipment. His LAWNMOWING equipment.

Here Are 9 More Things For Steve King To Gay-Marry After He Divorces His Lawnmower

Rep. Steve King is a glorious fucking numbskull, and he's willing to prove it on the daily, if that's what it takes. Having failed to stop the Supreme Court from throat-cramming America with marriage of the EW GAY kind,...
Kiss it and make it all better.

Old Handsome Joe Biden Mauled In Puppy Dog Play Fight

Old Handsome Joe Biden, what did you do to your widdle face??? It is all bangeded up, did Jill punch you? WHY ARE YOU PUNCHING THE VICE PRESIDENT IN THE MOUTH, JILL BIDEN? Just kidding, she did not punch...
Everybody ride that dinosaur

Our Terribleness Is ‘Staggeringly Impressive’: Your Florida Roundup

Thrillist, which is a website you would read if you didn’t spend every waking moment not already set aside for 8-balls and hookers staring lovingly Yr Wonket, puts together these dumb lists every now and again, as websites do....
Huckabee preparing to hold a shotgun to the head of a black American.

Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer

Dear practitioners of homogay buttsechs, Mike Huckabee -- former Arkansas governor, Baptist minister, once and future failed presidential candidate, once and future Fox News host, Ted Nugent’s buddy (which does not at all make him a big ol’ hypocrite, no...
Please don't send me to the Bad Kennel!

Do Not Click On This Story About Rumored CIA-Detainee Rape By Dogs. Really, Don’t.

We're not sure what's more depressing about this story alleging that CIA torture contractors may have used dogs to rape detainees in Afghanistan: The possibility that it happened, our realization that the CIA hasn't given us any reason to...
Welcome to America; here's your bureaucratic nightmare

John Oliver: Congratulations, You Get To Come To America. Or Not. (Video)

Update/followup: See end of post for a chance to do some good, or at least try to. After a week off, John Oliver is back in crusading investigative comedy mode again, as Last Week Tonight brings us this story on...
Not to scale

Judge Says Park Rangers Probably Shouldn’t Tase People With Off-Leash Doggies

So just in case you haven't completely lost faith in every single branch of law enforcement over the last few months, from the local cops to the Secret Service, here's one more story to set your teeth on edge,...
He seems nice

Illinois GOP Candidate’s Hobbies Include Screaming, Dog Shooting, Gun Losing

Let's meet Illinois state Rep. Mike Bost, who's hoping to unseat freshman congressman William Enyart in the 12th district. Bost's campaign slogan is "Passionate Leadership for Southern Illinois," which is his attempt to turn his status as a minor...
British Ben Shapiro doppleganger

British Right-Wing Nutjob Quite Displeased With His Gay Homosexual Dog

The not-at-all racist members of the British National Party are big believers in the "self-deportation" policies championed by one Mittens J. Romneyford, Esq. They also have some interesting views on the gheys, and they do not appreciate it when those...