Wonkette

We did not see much of This Week on Sunday because there were more important things to do, like SLEEPING, but thank goodness the YouTubes were up to record this momentuous event, when John McCain’s dogs ran into the room while he was talking to George Stephanopoulos. We can posit with absolute certainty that this was by far the most exciting moment of the whole interview, which lasted one million years and ended with John McCain mixing up a warm glass of gin and Ovaltine and speeding away in his Ford Flex. [YouTube via Politico]

A new poll from the venerable AP-Yahoo partnership shows that pet owners prefer John McCain over Barack Obama, 42% to 37%. (The other 21%, we assume, support pet-loving failure Mitt Romney.) Dog owners, especially, support John McCain by a wide margin, while cat owners of course lean towards known homosexual Barack Obama. Obama owns no pets because he hates domesticated beasts. But — as the AP tells us — John McCain owns a “veritable menagerie” of creatures. Sexy! MORE »

The American Kennel Club wants to know what kind of dog you think the Obama family should get once they are all elected president. The two youngest President Obamas, Malia and Sasha, have Elitest allergies so they will need a fancy hypoallergenic dog instead of a nice old mutt from the D.C. pound who would love them forever for springing it from Dog Prison. MORE »

Arkansas, our greatest state, has produced our nation’s favorite fat politicians (Mike Huckabee and Bill Clinton) while not really being part of Western Civilization. Proof? Mayor James Valley, “of Helena-West Helena,” just shut down his town’s animal shelter and set all the dogs loose in St. Francis National Forest. MORE »

Here’s a dog that voted for Barry Obama in Philadelphia during early voting last week. Thanks to Idolator.com editor and former Gawker Media colleague (tear?) Maura Johnston for taking this over the weekend in the City of “Cheese-Fries.” [Flickr]

Marketwatch wants you to cheer up. Well, not all of you, just the ones with investments and money who are freaking out because poor people are rioting over scarce food supplies, millions of foreclosed homes are sitting empty and unsold, and local governments are no longer able to afford police and firefighters to protect rich people from the hordes. What to do? Laugh, that’s what! MORE »

THAT’S RACIST: American voters also hate tall black dogs. [News Channel 5]

Mitt Romney’s got a big problem! He squandered his family’s wealth on a doomed campaign to be the liberal Mormon president, but he’s got five hungry sons to feed and no identifiable source of income. What to do? In trying times, experts say it’s best to find something you really enjoy, and then think of a way to turn that into a career. Trouble is, Mitt only loves counting money and torturing dogs while driving his car. MORE »

We can all quit writing about politics now because America Has Spoken. Our next President will be a hairy, scrunch-faced “monster” by the name of Hillary Pugham Clinton! MORE »

There’s a great new interview with pretend First Lady Cindy “Cougar” McCain in San Diego magazine, which is one of those glossy local lifestyle magazines for well-to-do white people. In the Q&A, Cindy reveals how much she loves spending all her time “recuperating” at a beachfront mansion she recently bought on Coronado Island — home of elite Naval commanders and their sand-cougar wives — and explains what really enrages her elderly husband: the way she’s always “bringing home stray everything.” MORE »