Wonkette

Edward Norton, America’s most self-serious Actor, is putting together a documentary about St. Barack Of Obama, America’s most self-serious presidential candidate. Once Obama’s candidacy is crushed like a little butterfly beneath the boot of Clintonian Politics, the auteur and his subject will appear on Charlie Rose to discuss the film and be personally fellated by America’s most self-serious PBS host. [Variety]

• Bolton’s still waiting - for a train back to DC, cause his confirmation is dead. [The Coffee House]

• DHS is pursuing criminal charges against a journalist who filmed a “national security site owned by Exxon,” in the wake of Katrina. Spike Lee ponders real estate in Switzerland. [Greg Palast]
• The worst hair on the hill, indexed by species. [Radar Magazine]
• The DEA can’t even seize a bag without the stems and the sticks. [TalkLeft]
• Bill O’Reilly wants to help you through your identity crisis, bowel movements. [Rude Pundit]
• Cindy Sheehan dreams of going Terminator on Bush in his little crib, but she’s clearly not thinking big picture. [DCeiver]
• Sandy Berger is going after ABC to keep a lid on the fact that he couldn’t kill Bin Laden because he was too busy blowing lines off Madeline Albright’s tits. [IMAO]

• New lobbying group, “Hybrid Owners of America” to demand unlimited access to smug attitudes. [Detroit News]

• “Driving while honky” soon to be an arrestable offence in the Midwest. [HuffPo]
• In Oregon, macaca isn’t a racial epithet - it’s just a guy. [Re-Elect George Allen! ]
• Jim Saxton (R-NJ) can’t wait to pop a cap in some geese. [AP]
• Iraqi insurgent filmmakers praise Michael Moore, then go back to making bombs. [Reuters]

* As your attorney, Ben Bernanke commends your thrifty ways, and wants to know where you put the goddamn mescaline. [Love and Haterade] MORE »

You want to know why John Kerry didn’t win in 2004? Listen to this rant by Kerry communications staffer Jim Loftus, caught in the upcoming documentary, “Inside the Bubble.”

When I was an advance guy if someone said, ‘Get a pony on the 10th floor of this hotel in four hours — I want a pony on the 1028 floor in four hours,’ I would have said, ‘What color eyes should it have?’ All I got — I gave these guys four days, ‘Find me a pony, get it in the goddamn room…’ — ‘Where am I gonna find a pony?’ I said, ‘Go to the fucking phone book, you’re an advance guy!’”

Of course. For want of a pony. . . MORE »