Wacky RNC chairman Michael Steele, who is in very deep shit right now with the orange boner in charge of House Republicans, heard about all of those white coats from the American Medical Association — historically Republican allies against health care reform movements, until now, because things are just so terrible — showing up on Obama’s front lawn today, and proceeded to make his devastating move: “The AMA is–does not have the credibility on this health care issue, as they would like to project.” He will now write an op-ed for the Washington Post to introduce his latest alternative, which would order a government bureaucrat get between you and your lying so-called “doctor.” Michael Steele also said “poop” today, which was pretty cool. [The Hill]

• Obama’s big health care legislation presentation next week will feature such novelties as an explanation of the contents of said health care legislation. [New York Times]
• Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens’ hiring of only one clerk for the 2010 Supreme Court regular season has many fans speculating that he could retire after next year. [LA Times]
• Pfizer will be paying $2.3 billion in fines for illegally treating fat cat doctors to rounds of golf (and probably letting them win!) in exchange for promotion of Pfizer products. [AP]
• A new report was released by Physicians for Human Rights that details American doctors’ bad habit of using terror suspects as subjects in impossibly evil torture experiments. [The Guardian]
• The city of Chicago does not even want your dumb 2016 Olympics anymore, International Olympics Committee! This is because the 2016 Olympics happen to be the summer Olympics, which according to facts are the lame kind. [Chicago Tribune]
• Oh holy god, someone found a dead frog in a Pepsi can. This is disgusting, although, if it helps, it could have just been a toad… so… no cause for alarm. [CNN]

Oh so is this what that woman was talking about at Obama’s Knife ‘n’ Gun Show yesterday? This one questioner, called upon specifically because she had “concerns,” made the excellent point that if you insure 46 million people who currently have no health coverage, then they might actually go to the doctor once in a while! This may create a “doctor shortage” of some sort that would be terribly inconvenient for those of us who currently enjoy immediate access to doctors of all sorts, due to the fact that we do not have to share them with a large percentage of our countrymen. MORE »

As Mark Penn told us all during the Democratic primaries, it is an established socio-political fact that black people do not like brown people and vice-versa, because of Microtrends, and this is why Barack Obama cannot win 70% of the Hispanic vote. This scientific insight about wacky minorities is the only possible explanation for why old black Congressman John Conyers has written a letter to his fellow legislators attacking our future surgeon general, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, the very attractive medicine guy of daytime cable news fame. It is ruthless and laden with factual and typographical errors, to add further insult to Dr. Gupta’s Guatemalan heritage. MORE »

Hey Obama waited until the last minute to pick a surgeon general, the government’s top doctor! SHIT SHIT SHIT who should he pick?? Uh uh uhhhhhh… quick, without even thinking: name a famous real-life teevee doctor! Him? Sure, fine, whatever, he can run America’s doctors. MORE »

Well, that’s it, people! After weeks of saying, “oh yeah, let us get those records together, all those detailed and important medical records, there are so many of them to compile,” Sarah Palin’s people pooped out this doozy last night: a two-page fax from a kindly community doctor who reveals that Sarah Palin is a healthy woman who exercises. MORE »

Sweet Jesus, the news is some kind of slow today. So here’s your latest installment in our Presidential Candidate Physique Watch: Barack Obama has a sore hip from playing basketball in foreign lands! He went to the doctor in Chicago and got an X-ray. Is Obama some sort of secret old person? MORE »

Everybody wants to know if John McCain is equipped to serve out a full term in office before expiring of the Old Age Vapours, so his team is assembling a squadron of doctors to vouch for his excellent physical health. This is a man who broke every bone in his body, including the little dealies in his inner ear, before having them each systematically removed and then re-inserted at a 45 degree angle in a sterile Vietnamese Torture Prison. He also had half his face cut off because of Face Cancer. MORE »