Doctor Howard Dean got a new job! He will be a “regular contributor” on CNBC, the important business channel which features idiots screaming at each other all day as the stock market does whatever it does — up some days, down some days, etc. Today he did a guest-hosting deal, on some CNBC show. Maybe he’s on right now, who knows! You see, only idiots watch CNBC. It’s a place for cocaine addicts and self-hating day traders and insane old people who think they can “beat the market” and actual retarded people who grab the phone away from the nurse and yell “BOO-YAH.” In other teevee shout-y news, Chris Matthews will be on MSNBC for another four years, which means he won’t be running for the Senate or whatever. [Sam Stein/New York Times]

The DNC solicited suggestions for insults to hurl at Rush Limbaugh, and boy howdy, did Democrats deliver! This stone cold rebuke to the leprous sea-monkey Rush Limbaugh will surely have him curled in a fetal position, on a pile of money. [The Democratic Party]

This is how far the Republican party has fallen: just a short time ago its leaders were a swaggering Texan who vowed to bomb the living shit out of any nation that dared to look at us sideways, and a vampirical warlock who practiced his dark arts from the basement of the Naval Observatory. Now the party has no leaders and they are scared witless by the innocuous and mild-mannered new DNC chairman. MORE »

Can Virginia’s favorite horse-torture fetishist and wacky hair goblin, Gov. Tim Kaine, heal America’s Democrats after the long Clinton-Obama primary battle? No, no one can. That is known. But he can do other stuff, like expand the Democrats’ electoral map (FAP FAP FAP) as the new head of the DNC, which he now is. Hooray for this new DNC head, “Tim.” For more on the important political implications of this selection, be sure to read Chris Cillizza’s latest “Fix” — obtaining access to large e-mail lists is truly the only thing that matters in politics anymore! [WP/The Fix]

The silly DNC spent all of its cash on loser Jim Martin’s 800 losses in Georgia this year, so what do they do, right, they go to Obama and ask for a damn check, and then he e-mails us to hawk some more junk. “Obama for America” writes, “This holiday season, celebrate the historic accomplishment of our movement for change. Treat yourself or a loved one to a limited edition Obama fleece jacket.” It’s really the only appropriate celebration for such an historic accomplishment. They are $50, and if you do not buy one then you hate black people. [Barack Obama]

• HOWARD DEAN FINISHED: It seems a highly successful four-year term as DNC chairman will be the “Dean scream” moment of Howard Dean’s life, as he will not seek a second term and will be out early next year. He will then return to Vermont where he is an abortionist. [Washington Post]

We are one week before the election — consider that the next time we have a “Tuesday,” campaigning in the 2007-2008 Presidential Election will be over, our fate thrown into the tabulations of Machines — and the DNC website has the strong lead story, “Watch Obama’s Closing Argument.” The RNC website, conversely, tells you to watch lazy bumbler Fred “Dipshit McGoo” Thompson speak from a fake Oval Office, for two minutes, under the banner of “Straight Talk.” That’s not even Fred Thompson’s fucking slogan! There is just not much confidence coming from the Republican party re: its candidate for president. [GOP.com via MoJo Blog]

Here are a couple of charming street urchins talking to Video Liz Glover during New York Fashion Week. They keep saying “The Democratic Party Convention,” referring to the event in Denver, rather than “The Democratic NATIONAL Convention,” which means that either they are morans or they are people with a very healthy lack of interest in politics. Also Liz needs some cough drops. [YouTube]

The RNC, like the DNC, issued a “schwag bag” made of marijuana to each of its esteemed media correspondent reporters during check-in here, in the self-styled “Twin Cities.” The DNC and RNC bags are very similar, which somehow demonstrates everyone’s leave favorite thing: bipartisanship. MORE »

We sure had a helluva time running around Denver this week, especially in the fine Uptown neighborhood, which is so packed with patio restaurants and cheap fun bars and liquor stores and cafes and fancy eateries and green leafy pedestrian streets that we could’ve just hung around the neighborhood the whole time. Instead, we spent thousands of hours per day getting in and out of the security perimeters, watching speeches, laughing at delegates, and otherwise working for the Man. Now we drive to St. Paul! But we’ll be posting on the road, so keep refreshing Wonkette constantly for more hot Sarah Palin / Barack Obama action. [Wonkette @ DNC Denver]

Well, that was insane. Sara almost cried. Jim got caught by the Secret Service. And your editor didn’t have an actual seat, so he sat outside liveblogging various speeches, and then headed inside the thunderdome for Obama’s entrance. Let’s post a bunch of photos! MORE »