Last year’s Democratic presidential primary was the most fun a girl could have with her clothes on. We watched for five(ish) agonizing months as the candidates hauled their carcasses around America’s forgotten backwaters, pretending to enjoy corndogs and common people, while Mark Penn quietly fulminated in the background because he forgot that Democrats did not use a winner-take-all system. What devilish tricks might the new Democratic Change Commission — a body of 37 unfortunates created by the Democratic National Convention Rules Committee — do to make the process even more convoluted and frustrating the next go-round? MORE »

That President Obama sure knows how to throw a party! Last night he entertained 250 of his favorite famous friends, plus “the entire Avant family” which we have never heard of, at a swank Beverly Hills fundraiser that featured coked-out midgets on swings and flying horse tricks. MORE »

Arlen Specter, what’s up with that guy, right. He’s a Democrat now! And being a Democrat means you have to do terrible abortion things in Hollywood, all the time, with Muslims: “Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) will make his debut appearance this evening at a national Dem event since switching parties. Specter will join Pres. Obama at the Beverly Hilton in LA for a DNC fundraiser… It marks his first outing with Obama — and with Jennifer Hudson, we should note. The Academy Award winner will sing at the event. As will Earth, Wind and Fire.” And it only costs $1,000 to $2,500 to attend! Or if you’re super rich like Tom Cruise and the famous Movie Stars, there’s “another dinner” for, uh, $30,400 (but it’s a DEAL because that’s the PER COUPLE price.) [Hotline]

How to describe the music playing in the background here? It’s hold music, isn’t it, like what you hear while you wait 20 minutes to speak with a Capital One representative? Or is it what you hear piped in while you’re waiting for your 40-minute “Shiatsu” massage in one of those mall massage chains? Perhaps it’s the soundtrack of thousands of Vietnamese nail salons across the US. Whatever it is, it is INAPPROPRIATE for a humorless DNC ad about how Republicans are “hypocrites” for voting for a Republican president’s budget but not a Democratic one’s. Such a serious occasion obviously calls for Barber’s Adagio for Strings. [YouTube]

Remember how awesome the news was this time last year, all full of “Hillary Clinton called Barack Obama a plagiarist” and “Mark Penn sucks balls” and that time the governor of New York got caught with an unimaginatively tattooed hooker who had a Hit Song on Myspace for like a day and a half? Jesus God, those were glorious days. We had no AIG to worry about, our dollars were still worth a dollar, and this here web site wrote about politics instead of boring financial news all the time. MORE »

Doctor Howard Dean got a new job! He will be a “regular contributor” on CNBC, the important business channel which features idiots screaming at each other all day as the stock market does whatever it does — up some days, down some days, etc. Today he did a guest-hosting deal, on some CNBC show. Maybe he’s on right now, who knows! You see, only idiots watch CNBC. It’s a place for cocaine addicts and self-hating day traders and insane old people who think they can “beat the market” and actual retarded people who grab the phone away from the nurse and yell “BOO-YAH.” In other teevee shout-y news, Chris Matthews will be on MSNBC for another four years, which means he won’t be running for the Senate or whatever. [Sam Stein/New York Times]

The DNC solicited suggestions for insults to hurl at Rush Limbaugh, and boy howdy, did Democrats deliver! This stone cold rebuke to the leprous sea-monkey Rush Limbaugh will surely have him curled in a fetal position, on a pile of money. [The Democratic Party]

This is how far the Republican party has fallen: just a short time ago its leaders were a swaggering Texan who vowed to bomb the living shit out of any nation that dared to look at us sideways, and a vampirical warlock who practiced his dark arts from the basement of the Naval Observatory. Now the party has no leaders and they are scared witless by the innocuous and mild-mannered new DNC chairman. MORE »

Can Virginia’s favorite horse-torture fetishist and wacky hair goblin, Gov. Tim Kaine, heal America’s Democrats after the long Clinton-Obama primary battle? No, no one can. That is known. But he can do other stuff, like expand the Democrats’ electoral map (FAP FAP FAP) as the new head of the DNC, which he now is. Hooray for this new DNC head, “Tim.” For more on the important political implications of this selection, be sure to read Chris Cillizza’s latest “Fix” — obtaining access to large e-mail lists is truly the only thing that matters in politics anymore! [WP/The Fix]

The silly DNC spent all of its cash on loser Jim Martin’s 800 losses in Georgia this year, so what do they do, right, they go to Obama and ask for a damn check, and then he e-mails us to hawk some more junk. “Obama for America” writes, “This holiday season, celebrate the historic accomplishment of our movement for change. Treat yourself or a loved one to a limited edition Obama fleece jacket.” It’s really the only appropriate celebration for such an historic accomplishment. They are $50, and if you do not buy one then you hate black people. [Barack Obama]

• HOWARD DEAN FINISHED: It seems a highly successful four-year term as DNC chairman will be the “Dean scream” moment of Howard Dean’s life, as he will not seek a second term and will be out early next year. He will then return to Vermont where he is an abortionist. [Washington Post]