December 12, 2013
Bitches, man. Always thinking of themselves, always putting their own ambitions first. Don’t you just hate that? Don’t you just despise the way women are always ruthlessly promoting their own careers, never thinking of others, never giving of themselves, never – Oh fuck it, we can’t even finish that fake sentence. Let’s just get to [...]
Last month, an African-American businessman named Calvin Hunter wrote a column for a website called Canada Free Press. He wrote about why, after spending his whole life a loyal Democrat, he now hates the Rotten Horrible Democrat Party. We know about this because Allen West told us about it on the tweeter yesterday, in case [...]
Happy Sunday, everyone! Except those of you who are Democrats, because you obviously hate God so much you will boo His name. You do you not get a happy Sunday, and you will only get one when you pray more — the jig is up, heathens, and the Washington Times is onto you. We know [...]
Remember when we told you about how the DNC delegates did that voice vote about putting God and Jerusalem in the platform, and the mayor of Los Angeles just made up the results, and then it kind of looked like the Democrats were booing God? Don’t worry, somebody noticed. Though the stupid fake voice vote [...]
Haha, we have no idea how Rebecca broke the internet! But here we are! 10:56 OMG Barry is totally doing a clip show here! 10:59 This, fellow students of Rhetoric, is what ya call a “peroration.” And it freakin’ ROCKS.
Whoops, we have broken Wonket! We said some stuff already, it is gone now. Fucking INTERNET! But the gist was, no, we were not yet pregnant, unless we got knocked up by Michelle’s foxy-bitch face. (WE DID.) Sorry everybody, that you can no longer read the most amazing live-bloog in the history of bloogs. Sucks [...]
Everybody get your fine illegal Communist rum and your fine illegal Windowpane, and meet us back here just in time for the tribute to Old Handsome Joe Biden, and then Barry making love to you again like it is the first time. So like just before nine, like that! You don’t need a blow-by-blow of [...]
Here have some goddamn pictures. After this we are taking a nap, and then we will get up and live bloog Barry Bamz making sweat love to your earholes.
Known government-teat succubus Michelle Obama showed up to the first night of the DNC in a shiny frock, much like the shiny frocks worn by Target addicted upwardly-mobile assholes who park their Camrys like they’re BMWs at your local Pier 1. (Joking, who goes to Pier 1?) Allegedly, this dress cost around $400 or so. [...]
Sorry we did not blog at you yesterday; we left Jim here in charge at the house (la Casita de Wonkadonk) and went into the Charlotte wilds in search of our badges (WE NEED STINKING BADGES), and then we ate a bunch of acid with one of our dudes from Boston (we have dudes from [...]
The Democratic draft platform is cruising right through to completion! You know, just going through a few little amendments via voice vote. Like this business about inserting the word “God” back into the platform and recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Well, one is a semantic issue and the other goes against longstanding U.S. [...]
One of the fun/awkward things about the party conventions is seeing how they deal with loser candidates from years past! Like, Jimmy Carter, an actual former president, was only allowed to address the DNC via video, so that they could cut him off if he started chanting “Death To Israel” or whatever. But what about [...]
Hooray, thank God for sending some lightning Charlotte’s way and finally convincing these Obama campaign folks to move the acceptance speech inside. This stadium business is so 2008, so blahhhh. Just give your happy rah-rah chat in the damn arena, like every other schmuck. In any event, what is Obama hiding and lying about now? [...]
Last night, First Lady Michelle Obama gave her DNC speech, and in a pink Tracy Reese dress (stylish and symbolic, of course), our FLOTUS verbally kickboxed Mitt Romney in the junk. There were those lines, “Being president doesn’t change who you are – it reveals who you are,” and “Success isn’t about how much money [...]
Welcome, Wonketeers! This is night one of the Democratic National Convention, where principled leaders get together to discuss a bold future for liberali…liber… HAHAHAHAHAHA they’re totally going to pander for independent voters and toss out red meat, but everyone there is a vegan, so it’s dyed tofu. Naturally dyed tofu, none of that Red-5. Monster.