The divorce gossip is basically true! Halfway through a disastrous scandal-ridden first (possibly fictional) term as Nevada’s governor, rat-eyed corrupt paranoid-schizophrenic alcoholic cocktail-waitress-assaulting Jim Gibbons is having a “family meeting” this weekend to make a divorce deal with Dawn Gibbons, his long-suffering yet power-mad wife. This is according to the Reno Gazette Journal, quoting Gibbons’ own office. Congratulations, Dawn! Maybe your settlement will include that briefcase full of bribe money and poker chips the lobbyists brought you on the cruise ship!

Future of Gibbons marriage uncertain [RGJ]

During our most sordid American midterm campaign, Congressman Jim Gibbons brought important attention to his bid for the governorship of Nevada by getting caught in some sleazy Vegas scene where he allegedly tried to drag a cocktail waitress back to his hotel room and then pretty much threatened to dump her corpse in the desert if she complained. Oh, Jim Gibbons, we have missed your stupid antics. Your nice wife Dawn Gibbons? Not so much. We hear she had divorce papers delivered to you Wednesday. MORE »

Conservative sensation Nicolas Sarkozy was recently elected as president of France thanks to his promises to be a total Republican by helping millionaires, hurting the poor people and hating on Muslims. So far, his presidency has been a great success. But his wingnut backers in America (who previously hated France more than anything in the world, except for Muslims) were heartbroken over his failure to get arrested cruising for gay sex in a public bathroom, or at least get divorced. Today, the world is rejoicing: Sarkozy just divorced his wife, while in office, making him the first French president to be a divorced guy and the first French president to get divorced while being president. Liberté, égalité, Giuliani! MORE »

Exactly four local losers showed up at a Salt Lake City GOP party to celebrate Hollywood Fred Thompson’s webcam announcement that he’s running for president yesterday — and there were snacks set up for so many more “Fredheads.” MORE »

Judith Giuliani used to be a poor gal from a small Pennsylvania town, but she clawed her way up and over the corpses of various ex-husbands until she found New York fascist mayor Rudy G. and tore apart his family so she could finally be the first lady of 9/11. That’s the gist of this long Vanity Fair story about the former Judi Ann Stish who left home with nothing more than cheap lipstick case in need of so many, many notches. Also: MORE »

Joseph P. Kennedy II, son of RFK, divorced Sheila Rauch Kennedy in 1991. Then, like a good Catholic, he had the 12-year marriage annulled in 1996. MORE »

Inexplicably powerful Jesus freak leader James Dobson isn’t interested in teevee actor Fred Thompson’s unannounced campaign for the GOP nomination. Why? MORE »

Despite being the only party to repeatedly get actual Hollywood actors nominated and elected, Republicans like to whine about “Hollywood values.”

Somehow, criticizing the idiocy, divorces, obesity, dumb religions and drug addictions of the famous makes regular Americans feel better about being dumb divorced obese Jesus-freak OxyContin addicts who are also poor and ugly, so every GOP candidate for every possible office has to dedicate at least one commercial or mailer to the pursuit of “traditional family values” as seen only on Little House on the Prairie reruns.

Anyway, draft Fred Thompson! Learn about how he’s not a complete amoral scumbag like the declared Republican presidential candidates, after the jump.

MORE »

Republican primary voters were thrilled to learn Rudy Giuliani’s kids hate him as much as his many ex-wives, because what self-respecting GOP voter doesn’t despise his loathsome children and wives? The ex-New York mayor and neo-fascist, famous for standing around after terrorists crashed planes into New York buildings, is suddenly the super front-runner.

More creepy filth, after the jump.

MORE »

• Why was he arrested? The DSCC wants to know. While the charitable among us say it could be for something as innocent as an unpaid parking ticket, this is George Allen we’re talking about, so he probably chocked a Polack to death.

• What’s with his sealed divorce records? Current popular theory: His “spit on his wife.” Once again: This is George Allen. He spits on everyone and everything. He probably shot her dog and put it in a black family’s fridge.
• Does he secretly want to get gay married?