Oh god oh god somebody tell the president! A family of filthy “birds” (that is common DC parlance for “tree rats”) has infiltrated the White House grounds. We must douse these animals in hand sanitizer, or boil them, or else just move them into a confined space with Joe Biden. [CNN]

A fancy Georgetown University student has S.O.S.ed about a new plague in the school’s rich fat cat neighborhood, far beyond the reach of the Metro: “A message from officials at Georgetown now confirms that the campus is just riddled with sickness. We’re all infected with norovirus, a flu thing that is caused by ‘fecal contamination’ and is highly contagious!” Oh well how does John McCain feel now about his insult to Georgetown yesterday hmm? Does he think it’s funny that this could spread from campus and GEORGE WILL COULD DIE FROM THE AIDS CANCER AT A COCKTAIL PARTY? MORE »

The most widespread form of “life” in Washington is the common Norway Rat, which completely owns the miserable District. Like most stunned bumpkins forced by bad luck or weird morals to the nation’s foul capital, the new editor of Reason magazine is horrified to find that dog-sized vermin live in every home, even the White House. MORE »

Dennis Hastert, left, has cellulitis. (AP) MORE »

* “Podfisking,” it’s all the rage. [Andrew Sullivan] MORE »

* Ralph Reed is happy to grip and grin with a blatant adultering cousin-fucker, as long as it brings in contributions. [Talk To Action] MORE »

Some bad news from the West Coast: MORE »